I need good dirt so if ya have any good porn dirt send it to me and if ya don’t have any make some up! I want all of Luke Ford’s old contributors. Send me stories about porn chicks dancing in your town. Send me anything, please though no jewish dilemma stuff Luke is still doing that. Send me naked pictures of hot chicks! Better yet send me funny stuff cuz gawd knows I need it.

Ok thats it for today, tomorrow maybe I will write something substantive, or maybe later today. Stay tuned!

Lettuce Bray

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese business man, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775.” He said.

“Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’”? Again, no response except from Suzuki: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”.

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.” She heard a loud whisper: “Fuck the Japs.” “Who said that?” she demanded.

Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.” The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?” Again, Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!” Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.” Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001.”

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re fucked” and Suzuki said, “The Taliban! 2001″

It’s all about the American porn industry. You will catch a glimpse of who is gonna be likely to be targeted by the feds when they get bored with the terrorism stuff they are so consumed with right now.

DON’T! If you install Windows XP on your computer you have 30 days to register and get it activated by Microsoft, if you don’t do it in 30 days XP DISABLES itself! If you do register, information about you and your computer is constantly transmitted to microsoft via your internet connection everytime you get online. This is a gross invasion of privacy and it is flat out WRONG! Tell Microsoft to go fuck themselves don’t install XP.

On the Cover is Tera Patrick, Kira Kenner and Dascha. Everyone is swooning over it. HELLO, PEOPLE, IDIOTS! Playboy Magazine DESPISES porn and the people in it, they are simply trying to capitalize on our popularity in pop culture right now. When are the people in porn going to realize the facts? Fact number one Playboy SUCKS, the pictures SUCK and the writing in Maxim is way better. Fact number 2 Playboy has been losing money and readers for years, the reason see fact number one. Fact number three how big of a fucking moron do you have to be to lose 40 MILLION dollars a year on an adult website? Word to porners Playboy doesn’t mean shit anymore there is nothing prestigious about it and this may come as a shock to you but WE are bigger than Playboy is, why do you think they are gloming on to us? Just once I’d like to see a press release that reads “We here at Vivid Playground Pictures recognize that Playboy Magazine has done nothing to help our industry, the magazine has failed to keep up with the times and as a result we don’t want our valuable assets (our contract girls) being used to prop up this failure. We respectfully declined Playboys request to feature our contract girls on the cover and in the magazine. Please look someplace else to try and prop up your waste of trees.”

on 96 Rock with BC and bubba sometime Wednesday night Jan. 30, 2002. You can listen on the air from the website. The interview will be at 5:00PM EST.

The Winter 2002 Issue of Oxford American Magazine has a long personal profile on yours truly, while I don’t necessarily agree with all of it, it is a balanced and very well written profile. Thanks to Luke Dittrich and Vance Jacobs for the exposure in such a high class magazine. This magazine is a great read too there is an unpublished screenplay by William Faulkner and dozens of renowned and award winning writers in it, check it out.

take so many breaks to smoke pot that it screws up his production schedule. Gee that would be ALL of them I know. I swear sometimes I think I’m the only guy in porn that don’t smoke weed. Not that I care who does, I’m libertarian to the bone, you wanna smoke pot, it’s your right to do so IMHO.

Except me that is, and since as far as I can tell non of them have anything remotely interesting to say I have decided to start YAPGS that’s Yet Another Porn Gossip Site. I vow to be funnier than AVNOnline (that won’t be hard) I vow to update more often than Quasarman ( hell that’ll be a cakewalk he updates once a month whether he has anything to say or not) I further reserve the right to steal…ummm I mean borrow material from Goddess who really is a damn fine writer, not to mention a good PR person. You won’t read self serving reviews of my own movies here nor will you find nonsense about my struggles with judaism or ethical montheism. I simply believ in treating people the way I wish to be treated, like a slut.

Ok ladies this is why you shouldn’t leave things just lying around the house…click here

Jill Austin (Right) and Giana aka Katie June (Left) sent me this photo (click the pic for a full size version)