I have met him and found him to be an educated and agreeable fellow. I could and probably should crack on his choice of last names, I mean is he kin to Colt, Selena, Jeremy, Sydney, Brandon, Nicholas, Greg and countless others who have adopted that name…it’s lame…. but I digress. Lexington, in his current column for www.avninsider.com wants to know among other things why Black History month is the shortest month of the year. Lets look at some of his column:

“Why is Black History Month the shortest month of the year? Who determined February to be the month? And was this by design or circumstance?”

I have a fundamental problem with this whole black history month nonsense, to paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King “I have a dream that I will one day live in a nation where Americans who have done great things will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”. Why do we need “Black history month” at all? How about AMERICAN HISTORY month, when we celebrate the great things that all Americans have contributed to mankind?

Lex continues to give his version of the discovery of North America and the history of slavery blah blah blah… What is next Lex? You going to ask for forty acres and a fucking mule? If you really know history you know we are ALL descendants of slaves. Every race on earth has at one time been exploited by another it is now time to officially get over it. So Lex, when you got your degrees from Syracuse, did you work hard and earn them? Or did they bestow them upon you because you are black? You earned them didn’t you? Fucking A you did. So why do you want to cheapen that accomplishments? You see Lex in America today it is all about individual responsibility, if you choose not to get a good education don’t blame me, you now have the same opportunities that I do. If you end up in jail for whatever reason it isn’t the fault of anyone but you, you made the choice my friend, society didn’t make it for you.

Then at the very end Lex has this to say, and this is what REALLY pisses me off:

In summation, I find myself in a peculiar circumstance. While I actively celebrate Black History Month 365 days a year, I find myself not that much unlike the slaves and slave traders of some 400 years ago. I participate in the most heinous of ALL trades- THE BUYING AND SELLING OF HUMAN FLESH. I trade my own flesh for monetary compensation and I sell the flesh of others for the same. For this I am not proud. As February comes to a close, I ask myself: what will be MY contribution to the proud history of Blacks in America? Will it be a celebrated Legacy of Lust as Americas’ top male sex performer or the self-deprecating participation in the MODERN DAY SLAVE TRADE known as…. American Pornography.

-Lexington Steele
Syracuse University, Class of 1993
BA, African-American Studies
BA, American History

OK Lex, this business has enough apologists trying to make themselves feel better about making porn by calling it some form of “art”. If you don’t like what you are doing and if you aren’t proud of it drag your ass back to Syracuse and don’t let Jim South’s door hit you in the fucking ass. I am proud of what I do, I make good old fashioned porn, I don’t exploit anyone any more than General Motors does. To think just last month you went on about how wrong it is for girls in this business to choose NOT to work with a black man, fuck you, the last time I looked up the word slavery it mentioned something about not being free. So why is it Serenity can’t exercise her freedom to choose not to work with you, or me, or Ron Jeremy?

Come Lex, you are an educated fellow and you would make a fine American, knock the fucking chip off your shoulder and join us.

one I haven’t heard from in quite some time. She says she has been thinking about me. Naturally I perk up, she says she would LOVE to see me. I’m thinkin HELL YA! This chick was way fucking hot last time I saw her but she had some issues with my porn career, I’m hoping she outgrew them. I casually mention that my porn career is moving along well, she replies that’s great. Then she drops the question I was anticipating.

“You busy today?”

I am thinking ya, I’m gonna be busy tearing up your fucking panties. Course I didn’t say that. I was casual. I responded, nothing I can’t rearrange for you.

“That’s awesome, I can’t wait! By the way you still have your truck?”

Uh oh, I just got trapped, fell for the oldest trick in the book and now I know there’s no way out. I think of telling her no I traded it for a MOPED but I know that ain’t gonna work, I am still going to have to spend a day at hard labor. So I say ya I still got it.

” That’s GREAT, I’m moving into my new fiftieth floor downtown high rise apartment today, I will buy the beer and you and Trent and Garret can help me move! They drive two seaters so we can use your truck and I won’t even have to rent a U-Haul. This will be SO much fun!”

Ya, I am thinking, almost as much fun as watching a 24 hour Rosie O’Donnell marathon….I’d sooner have my teeth drilled without Novocain. Besides Trent and Garret both abhor me because they are the yuppie scum type that everyone hates, I don’t even think their mommas OR their dogs like them. Add to that they are insanely jealous that I essentially earn money selling something half the population owns .. and I don’t even own one. Then it hits me.

Sure I can help but no heavy lifting for me, I cracked a rib in an Ice Hockey Game last week, but I will be happy to drive my truck and tell Trent and Garret how to load it. It will be good to see ya!

She expresses concern about rib, but we both know its the truck she really wants so she is content with my offer.

I make a quick trip to the drug store, where I buy a couple of big ass ace bandages, wrap em tightly, put on my hockey jersey and viola, I’m ready for a fun day telling Trent and Garret things like these:

“Careful with that grand piano, don’t scrape the walls of this beautiful, new apartment or anything”

“You need to turn that on it’s side to get it through the door guys”

“You guys want me to have Shari bring ya a beer? don’t drink too much though on account of we can’t have ya getting sloppy and ruining all this nice hardwood furniture her sugar daddy’s have purchased for her over the three years she has been a dancer.”

Well it all ended up perfectly, on the last load I got Garret and Trent pissed at each other. I told Garret, I said hey man you know she told me she woke up the other morning and Trent suggested that she call you to help with the move, so he thought of you AFTER they had wild monkey sex all night.

Then I told Trent the same thing but shifted by a couple of days, They were steaming and got into a fight, breaking an antique rocking chair.

Shari told them both to “just get the fuck out” calling them “Too drunk to do it right anymore” Stating “Mike is the only one of you three with any sense, he has spent all day making sure you don’t scratch my new walls or damage my furniture, all while he is hurt. Then she kisses me and says “Thanks”

I smiled and locked the door behind Trent and Garret.

My heartfelt thanks goes out to Timcase. If I had known he was so eloquent I would have treated him with greater respect on Quasarmanrants.com. All the best to you and the Fox’s.

A Eulogy for QuasarmanRants.com (written by Tim Case)

Gather ye together now, my online friends…web surfers and raincoaters…porno professionals…perverts and rampant degenerates…fellow travellers on the information highway to hell…we are here today to bow our heads, remember and memorialize the passing of a much-beloved website, Quasarmanrants.com.
It is difficult, I know. Difficult and sad for us all. The memories come quickly, and it seems impossible to accept that the days of holiday-oriented, silver-thonged Fritz the Cat gifs have suddenly ended without warning. ‘Why?’ we ask.’Where will we go now? What shall we do? Where will we turn for our porn-related humor? The Quaze-y contests and stories from the Metro sets, the Tyce Bune/Viagra-related cracks, the bizarrely morphed images of Michael Adams’s Uncle Fester-ish noggin, the homicidal, vacuous threats from Jeremy Steele (porn’s answer to T.S. Eliot), the heartwarming anal updates from the Kerkove household, the insipid behavior of porn prima donna Brooke Lane and that opinionated trollop Kayla Kleevage. Thomas Zupko’s ire. Voodoo Circus’s schedule. Gene Ross’s edifying presence. Gang bangs. Bare breasts. Mike South. Houston. Can all of this really be behind us now?’
I know it seems unfair. I know it will not be an easy task. Yet we must find the strength, the inner resolve, the determination to endure. Quasarman is gone now, his internet presence ascended into the firmament to take his rightful place at the right hand of Luke Ford. And we are left here, as earthbound as Ron Jeremy’s navel, asking ourselves “Why?”.
There can be no easy answers. No simple understanding for those of us now left behind, lonely and abandoned by our directorial shepherd.
Let us pray…
“Oh Lord, grant us the wisdom and the peace of mind to endure in the face of this recent hardship, the loss of our good friend Quasarmanrants. Allow us to recall the humor, the pleasant jocularity, the wholesome imagery his online presence always conjured up on our screens. Allow us to forget the failings - the infrequent updates, the shamless self-promotion, the pimping of Tyce Bune, the nearly-unconscious manlove inherent in Quasar’s need to run unclothed pictures of Fritz the Cat on a regular basis.
Lord, bless us and keep us safe.
In Harry Weiss’s name we pray…
Amen.

Goodbye, Quasarman. You will be sorely missed.

Thank You Tim Case for that moving eulogy.

A story on lukeford.com by Martin Brimmer has sparked mainstream interviews on everything from the BBC to Fox Sports and Tonya’s people are involved and have not dismissed the possibility. Someone will jump on this and make bank. Time to find some pornchicks that can ice skate.

Speaking of Luke Ford there are reports that his demise may be premature. I have learned that he has already penned at least one column for his old site and that more could be forthcoming.

South: LUKE
South: talk to me buddy
Luke: yes
South: I hear you penned a column for yer old site lukeford.com…is this true?
South: and that you may be writing more
Luke: maybe
South: maybe its true or maybe you will be writing more
South: don’t be coy with me Luke
Luke: both

So as you can see Luke was firm in his evasiveness.

the court refused to hear an appeal from the city of Tampa, Florida. The city had wanted to enforce adult zoning laws on Voyeurdorm.com. The courts originally ruled that this type of zoning is permissible. Voyeurdorm appeal to the 11th circuit and won, the court ruling that zoning laws could not be enforced in order to run a cyber business out of business. There are no customers coming and going so zoning laws were not applicable. The Supreme Court agreed, refusing to grant an appeal. Hats off to uber attorney Luke Lirot for a job damn well done!

(That’d be Rob and his band of loud talking pussies) have pissed of yet another magazine. This time Adam Film World has cut them off because they are 90 days behind in paying their bills and because they stiffed an Adam Photographer by bouncing a 700 dollar check to him. Before long they wont be able to buy an ad in Auto Trader.

Speaking of, remember that piece from www.lukeford.com a few weeks back, the one about the girl who brought her portfolio to a “producer” and he started stalking her, to the point where she had to move back to Iowa to get rid of him, then he turned around and mailed the portfolio to her mother. Well my sources tell me that without a doubt that was Gene Ross, seems Gene is getting a rep for trying to follow in Regan Senter’s footsteps. My how the mighty have fallen.

I have no idea what the relevance is but in what there is of her mind they must be important so I will attempt to answer them:

dear mr south,
my girlfriend told me she uses a teeny tiny brush to clean the lint from her belly button…i just use my finger and dig it out…how do you clean the lint from your belly button?
belly button lint goddess

Well Goddess I have always used a heavy duty shop Vac for that, with the nozzle attachment that gets into tight places. In your cae I might recommend putting a little milk in there and letting yer cat lick it out.

dear mike,
how can i get more fiber in my diet?

Eat a Corvette

dear mr south
i found this poor starving cat while walking along the highway one day and i carried him home–welll several of us carried him home. but now i’m wondering what i should call him? can you think of an appropriate name for my pussy? thanks

This ones easy name it Mark Kernes

dear mr south,
how can i get my husband and my 16 lazy kids (the ones that are not still on the breast) to pick up after themselves?

It is your job to pick up after them, now get your lazy, bitch ass up off the sofa, turn off Oprah and clean that fucking trailer!

In addition learn to punctuate and capitalize properly. To think you call yourself a writer! Your editor should flog you.

Read more of Goddess’s odd wit and humor at her site.

that Michael Raven is going to remake “Paradise Lost” by John Milton into a porn. Personally I don’t know which is more useless, the fact that he is actually going to attempt with a 125,000 dollar budget (as though this is a lot, hell that wouldn’t be enough to the film stock for a real version of the poem, not that Raven will be shooting on film) or the fact that AVN considers this to be newsworthy. For those who forgot the mostly forgetable poem here is a brief synopsis:

Paradise Lost is about Adam and Eve–how they came to be created and how they came to lose their place in the Garden of Eden, also called Paradise. It’s the same story you find in the first pages of Genesis, expanded by Milton into a very long, detailed, narrative poem. It also includes the story of the origin of Satan. Originally, he was called Lucifer, an angel in heaven who led his followers in a war against God, and was ultimately sent with them to hell. Thirst for revenge led him to cause man’s downfall by turning into a serpent and tempting Eve to eat the forbidden fruit.

Ya know it just hit me, he never said MILTON”S Paradise Lost, maybe he is going to remake the HBO Documentary “Paradise Lost” about the West Memphis Three and the murders of some little boys there.

he corrected my story on Extreme, saying that they had NOT been cut off from his publications and that they had not bounced a check to one of his photographers, he says he doesn’t even have photographers. Jeremy is someone I admire and respect in this biz and if he says its so that good enough for me. So consider this a retraction of that part of the story. The credibility of the original source was enhanced by the fact that I have heard many many stories of Extreme bouncing checks and failing to meet financial obligations so it didn’t seem unusual to me.

Return-Path: <norain61@aol.com>
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for <xxxsouth@yahoo.com>; Wed, 27 Feb 2002 03:33:06 -0500 (EST)
From: NoRain61@aol.com
Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2002 03:33:05 EST
Subject: WHY DONT’CHA GO FUCK YERSELF
To: xxxsouth@yahoo.com
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YOU TALK SMACK BOUT MY BOYS- BYRON AND BLACK- YERA CUNT AND WOULDN’T HAVE
THE FUCKIN BALLS TO SAY IT IN PERSON - COME TO LA
INSTEAD OF THE FUCKIN EVERGLADES AND WE’LL SEE WHO COMES OUT ON TOP- BUT YOU
WON’T CUZ YER A FUCKIN PUSSYBITCH !!!!!! WATCH YER BACK CUZ YA JUST MIGHT GET
JACKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FAT FUCKIN NEVER WAS NEVER WILL BE
BBBEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! have a nice day…

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From: NoRain61@aol.com
Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2002 03:45:16 EST
Subject: YER A FUCKIN CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!
To: xxxsouth@yahoo.com
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WHY YA TALKIN SHITE BOUT EXTREME-YER A FAT LOOSER-child fucking creep
Talk some other poor Georgia white
trash into fucking yer sorry white fat fucking ass for trailer rent and
pretend yer a player- take a gun put it in yer mouth pull the fuckin trigger-
DO US ALL A FAVOR!!!!
DIE MIKE SOUTH DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DARE YOU TO POST THIS YOU CUNT FAG FUCK!!
P.S no one likes you. yer a waste of life…….PLEASE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YER A LLOOOOOOOOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK nobrain I accept your dare and posted them word for word. I would accuse you of actually being Rob but even Rob isn’t as fucking stupid as you are, and yes I will say it to your face, whoever you are. Try a spell checker and maybe a map, look for the Everglades and get yourself a geography lesson (hint they AREN’T in Georgia).