from www.crossroadsedge.com

Mike:
Hello, HAPPY THANKSGIVING, CONGRATS, YOU’VE WON!!!!!!!

Here’s a peek at my third annual awards, enjoy!!!!!!

And the Winner is…….

and bans you from the suitcase pimp club….

DEATH ON TWO LEGS??.
{www.crossroadsedge.com}
THE 2002 SHERMAN AWARDS?.
{And how was your year Sherman? Funny you should ask??.}
Sorry no pre-nom, just ANOTHER PLUG?.. These are in no particular order,

And so it goes, and so it goes, yes kids, another year, another tear, another
psycho for us to fear. Here it is, The good, the bad, the happy and the mad. My apologies to those I’ve forgotten, those who deserve to be, consider yourselves lucky?.Those who didn’t, the first round’s on me in January?}

BEST AMBASSADOR FOR PORN:
RON JEREMY,DAVE CUMMINGS,SEAN MICHAELS

COOLEST PEOPLE:
ANNA MALLE, HANK, MR. MARCUS AND EVERTYONE I’VE FORGOTTEN

CLASSIEST PEOPLE:
SEAN MICHAELS, GINGER LYNN, TERI WIEGEL, DAVE CUMMINGS, LEXINGTON STEELE

SMARTEST WORKING COUPLE IN PORN:
JESSICA DRAKE/ EVAN STONE {WATCH, LISTEN AND LEARN CHILDREN}

STRANGEST DUO:
PORSCHE LYNN/BRIDGETTE THE MIDGET ADULT EXPO 2002

FAVORITE NEW CUMMERS ;
{ IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER} TAWNY ROBERTS, JENNA HAZE, CARMEN LUVANNA, HANNAH HARPER, ARIA, SHAYLA STYLES

THOSE WHO MAKE IT HARD:
JESSICA DRAKE, STAR E KNIGHT,LACEY, INDIA,CASEY PINK, KRYSTAL SUMMERS, ALEXIS AMORE,DEVON,AURORA SNOW,INARI VACHS,SKYE, ANN MARIE,DEE,APRIL, BRIANNA BANKS, NIKITA DENISE,JODIE MOORE

BEST PHOTO OPP NEVER EXPECTED:
GINGER LYNN/AMBER LYNN: THE FOXE AWARDS

BEST CONTINUOUS TREND IN PORN:
FLAKING

BEST PLACE FOR A PERFORMER NOT TO SHOW UP WAS:
HER OWN HOUSE

BEST EXCUSE FOR NOT SHOWING UP:
HIS WAS GETTING STONED WITH HIS DOG, AND HIS DOG BIT HIS DICK

BEST EXPLANNATION FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO POP:
{IT’S A TIE!!} DOUBLE-BOOKED, OR TOO MUCH VIGRA

2ND BEST TREND IN PORN:
“PRIVATES” {WE’RE NOT HOOKERS, REALLY?.}

STRANGEST FINACIAL EQUATION IN PORN:
IF YOU TURN ON A CAMERA, IT’S CHEAPER TO FUCK A PORN STAR

BEST OCCUPATION FOR YESTERDAY’S NEVER WERE’S, OR TOMORROW’S WANNA BE’S:
{IT’S A TIE!!!!} PRIVATES AND WRESTLING

BEST HOME AWAY FROM HOME FOR ANY PORN STARS:
THE BUNNY RANCH

BEST TREND WE’D LIKE TO SEE:
PERFORMERS WHO SHOW UP

2ND TREND WE’D LIKE TO SEE:
ANY ADULT COMPANY MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO FIND A NEWCUMMER AND MAKE HER A STAR, INSTEAD OF JUST SIGNING THE NEVER WERE’S

SINGLE BIGGEST STATEMENT GUARENTEED TO STRIKE FEAR IN ANYONE INTERESTED IN EMPLOYING A PORN STAR:
{IT’S A TIE!!!} SPEAK TO MY HUSBAND-SPEAK TO MY MANAGER
SECOND BIGGEST STATEMENT: I ONLY WORK WITH THE PERFORMERS MY HUSBAND APPROVES, ARE YOU ON HIS LIST?

FUNNIEST STATEMENT OVERHEARD FROM A NON ESTABLISHED PERFORMER ATTEMPTING TO HIRE SOMEONE:
“YOU WANT ME TO WORK WITH WHOM? DO THEY HAVE A TEST? DO YOU PAY IN CASH? YOU WON’T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS WILL YOU?”

BEST COMEBACKS:
TOO MANY TO LIST

THOSE WHO RETIRED:
DALE DEBONE, TOM BYRON

THOSE WHO SHOULD:
MOST IF NOT ALL THAT CAME BACK

BEST DRESSED TO SELL JUST ABOUT ANYTHING:
BRITTANY ANDREWS, EAST COAST VIDEO SHOW

BEST ATTEMPT AT BEING JOHN BOWEN:
THE GANG BANG THAT WASN’T???..

FAVORITE COMPANIES:
VIDEO TEAM/LEGEND/SIN CITY/DIGITAL PLAYGROUND/NEW SENSATIONS/EXTREME ASSOCIATES

BEST DIRECTION IN A PORN MOVIE:
ALL DIRECTORS WHO EXPLAIN TO THE PERFORMERS THAT THEY ONLY NEED 30 SECONDS OF ANAL, {AFTER THEY’VE ALREADY SHOT 20 MINUTES WORTH OF COURSE}

SMARTEST DIRECTOR:
ONE WHO THROWS HIMSELF IN ALL THE SCENES

BEST ATTEMPT AT SMOKE AND MIRRORS:
TO THE ESTABLISHED DIRECTOR WHO WAS GIVEN A BUDGET FOR A FEATURE FILM, AND TRIED TO TURN IN A GONZO SHOT ON HIGH 8MM.

IT’S NOT IN THE BUDGET:
FOR THE CONTRACT STAR WHO ASKED FOR A CAN OF TUNA-FISH FOR LUNCH AND WAS TOLD IT WASN’T IN THE BUDGET, THEY WERE HAVING PIZZA INSTEAD.

ALRIGHT SO I DIDN’T FINISH GRADE SCHOOL:
TO ALL PORN STARS WHO DEMAND CONDOMS, THEN SWALLOW??.

SMARTEST PORN STARS:
THOSE WHO DEMAND TO SEE A TEST FROM ANYONE IN FRONT OF A CAMERA, AND FUCK ANYONE WITHOUT A TEST OFF

BEST PORN STAR LINE TO HIS/HER WEB MASTER:
YOU RIPPED ME OFF!!!!!

BEST PRESS CONFERENCE:
SIN CITY

BEST OPEN HOUSE PARTY:
VIDEO TEAM

HOTTEST GROUP OF LESBIANS {SORRY CONTRACT PERFORMERS}:
JILL KELLY PRODUCTIONS

BEST PUBLICIST’S:
ADELLA, DIGITAL PLAYGROUND/MIKE SOUTH/SKEETER KERKOVE/STEVE BANNAN- THE LIBERTY NETWORK/WWW.FLOATING WORLD.COM/MAX HARDCORE

BEST KEPT SECRET:
MICHAEL STEFFANO

BEST PARTY:
DIGITAL PLAYGROUND “RUSH PREMEIRE”

BEST BOWLING TEAM:
EVERYONE AT THE NIGHT MOVES SHOW IN TAMPA

BEST ALL IN THE FAMILY:
DILLION DAY AND FATHER

HOTTEST DANCE DUOS:
HAVEN/ASHTON MOORE

BEST LOCAL CLUBS:
CLASSY LADY OF OZ, BLUE ZEBRA, DEJA VUE AND SPEARMINT RHINO’S

BEST ALL GIRL ONSTAGE FUCKFEST:
GINGER LYNN, TAWNY ROBERTS, STAR E KNIGHT, KAYLYNN-BLUE ZEBRA {NORTH HOLLYWOOD, CA.} SHOWCASE

HOTTEST COMPANY CEO YOU’D MOST LIKE TO GET AN INDECENT PROPOSAL FROM:
SERENITY-LAS VEGAS NOVELTIES

DELIVERING THE GOODS AWARDS:
REDLIGHT DISTRICT VIDEOS

LITTLE TRAIN THAT DID:
LAS VEGAS NOVELTIES

BEST EXCUSE {OFF THE RECORD} FOR LETTING A CONTRACT STAR GOES:
{IT’S A TIE} FOR ALLEGEDLY PROMOTING HER “PRIVATE” WORK TOO BLANTANTLY-AND:
LOUSY PERFORMER, BAD ATTITUDE, and LACKS MOTIVATION

BEST TREND WE’D LIKE TO SEE FROM PORN COMPANY:
{IT’S A TIE} TALK OUT OF THE FRONT OF YOUR MOUTH—-PAY YOUR BILLS ON TIME PLEASE

BEST ADVICE GIVEN TO A STARLET WHEN ASKED HOW TO GET A CONTRACT:
“SLEEP WITH A CERTAIN DIRECTOR OR FORMER PUBLICIST”

BEST DUO WITH NO TIME {OR PRIVACY} TO GET NASTY:
VIOLET BLUE/ANNA MILLS- FOXE AWARDS

BEST DUO SPOTTED WE’D LIKE TO SQUEEZE BETWEEN:
TERA PATRICK/GINGER LYNN

BEST CROSS OVER FROM CHEESE TO PEPPERONI:
NIKITA KASH

BEST BOXING MATCHES THAT NEVER WERE:
TABITHA STEVENS VS JENNA JAMESON-TERA PATRICK VS JEWEL DE NYLE

BEST CONTORTIONIST:
ALEXIS ON FIRE

MOST PLASTIC SURGERY SOMEONE ELSE PAID FOR:
TABITHA STEVENS

LONGEST TONGUE’S WE LIKE WRAPPED AROUND??
KAYLYNN/KERI WINDSOR

THE NINE LIVES AWARD:
SUNSET THOMAS

STUPIDEST THINGS WE’D SEEN THIS YEAR:
A MODEL CLAIMING SHE DOESN’T DO PORN, SELLING A TAPE WITH HER DOING PORN?

STRANGEST NAME CHANGE:
VERONICA KNIGHT TO AUSTIN RAIN

STRANGEST INTERPRETATION OF ONLY DOING GIRL/GIRL:
TIANNA TAYLOR WORKING WITH SEAN MICHAELS

THE HOTTEST DUO WE MISSED AT ADULT EXPO 2002:
KOBE TAI AND HEATHER HUNTER, WERE IN LAS VEGAS, PLANNED ON GOING TO THE SHOW, NOT TO SIGN, BUT SAY HELLO AND SKIPPED IT..

BIGGEST “BIG DEAL” APPEARANCES:
ANDY DICK AT THE RUSH PARTY, GENE SIMMONS AND SNOOP DOGGY DOG AT THE ADULT EXPO.

STRANGEST RULE ON THE FLOOR OF A CONVENTION:
YOU CANNOT SMOKE, BUT YOU CAN USE SMOKE MACHINES AT THE ADULT EXPO ACCORDING TO THE SANDS EXPO HALL?.

STRANGEST NEW PROMOTIONAL ITEM:
ACTION FIGURES OF ADULT PERFORMERS,
WHO SAYS BRITTANY SPEARS IS THE ONLY ONE TRYING TO SELL PORN TO KIDS?

COOLEST JOURNALIST’S:
DIRTY BOB,CINDI FROM XCITEMENT,TODD AT AVN, STEVE AT AINEWS.COM, STEVE BANNAN, GENE ROSS

MOST OBVIOUS QUESTION NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW,OR CARES ABOUT WHAT THE ANSWER IS:
WHO IS REALLY RUNNING WWW.LUKEFORD.COM?

HARDEST WORKING, YET LEAST RESPECTED GROUP:
EDITORIAL STAFF ADULT VIDEO NEWS

LUCKIEST NET JOURNALIST:
KEVIN MOORE {WWW.STUNNINGCURVES.COM}-2002 INNER-NEXT SHOW, 4 GIRL LAP DANCE

ON-CAMERA JOURNALIST WE’D MOST LIKE TO SLAM:
NIKKI STEELE {ADULT STARS MAGAZINE}

BEST CAREER CHANGES:
STEVE SIDEMAN GOES TO BUNNY RANCH, HARRY WIESS LEAVES METRO

BIGGEST AMOUNT OF MAINSTREAM PRESS THAT AMOUNTED TO NOTHING:
JENNA JAMESON

BEST OFFER ANY STARLET MADE FOR “PUBLICITY”:
ALL OF THEM

FUNNIEST QUESTION TO A STARLET WHEN ASKED ABOUT HER ACADEMICS WHEN SHE INQUIRED ABOUT WRITING A COLUMN:
CAN YOU SPELL YOUR OWN NAME?

FAVORITE PORN STAR AST TEST QUESTION:
SPELL “BOB” BACKWARDS

BIGGEST WHINING PHOTOGRAPHER:
DR.X

MOST STOCK IN KRISPI CRÈME DONUTS:
JEWEL DE NYLE

THOSE MOST DISPISED, YET MOST REQUESTED:
BILL MARGOLD, MAX HARDCORE, GENE ROSS, LUKE FORD, DR.X, STEVE BANNAN

JOURNALIST MOST LIKELY TO SUE YOU FOR JUST ABOUT ANYTHING:
MARC MEDOFF

BEST WAY TO START A PISSING MATCH:
ASK A PORN STAR TO MOVE 2 INCHES EITHER DIRECTION

GONE BUT MOST DEFINITELY NOT FORGOTTEN:
BOBBY HOLLANDER, MIKE RICK

BIGGEST LOSER WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS:
SHERMAN {OF COURSE}

The most striking thing (to me anyhow) about the club here is that the features apartment that is attached to the club actually has a rat trap right next to the main ingress. One would initially assume that it is to catch the four legged variety but after careful consideration it has occured to me that the placement of the trap is such that it is probably meant to entrap the boyfriends of the feature of the week. I will take a picture and post it tomorrow or so.

Today, my first full day as a suitcase pimp was without incident. Lemme tell ya though you haven’t lived till you sat spraddle legged in the floor and uncrumpled about a hundred one dollar bills that have been used in a game of “cooterball”

I do want to take this time to say thanks to Aaron and Donna, you guys are the best!

We are doing a radio show tonight on WQEM at 2AM…hell I didn’t even know anyone did live radio at 2AM on Wednesday night.

Gene Ross Gone?

Gene’s old site for Extreme now redirects to Extremes main site and there is wide speculation that Gene is now gone. With these morons anything is possible but I’d bet Gene’s prospects for further employment in this biz are pretty limited and Robs reputation is somewhat less than exemplary, bottom line a couple of sell outs sell out…who cares.

Tim forgot “Born To Be Wild” by Steppenwolf. You and Cori have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Yer right dude, thats a classic and one that works for me every time! and back at ya!

Well here we are, after quite a drive I am now officially a suitcase pimp. How many features can say they have an AVN Award winning (twice even) producer/director as a G String Jockey?

I learned something on the ride down though, chicks are far more subject to the effects of music and the environment than us guys are. If you are ever driving and she is blabbering on and on about whatever thing is on her mind I have the cure. It’s called The Cowboy Junkies. start with something recognizeable like Their “Sweet Jane Cover” then ease the heat up to around 76-80 and let it slip into the cover of “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” by the time thats over she will be drooling on her pillow….

For all of you who would like to come in and see us we are at the Cheetah 3 in Pompano Florida, exit Atlantic Ave and head west to 31st, turn right and its on the left. If this sounds like a plea of desperation that’s what it is. I need someone to come in and say they are there to see Mike South….

Seriously come on out and see Devon she is a total sweetheart and is appreciative of her fans. The club is closed all day Thursday though so I think me n Dev are gonna hit the beach I just hope she doesn’t pick Haulover Beach….she hasn’t seen me naked and I don’t wanna scare her. Though I guess by the time you read this its ineveitable that she will have seen me naked as we are sharing a small efficiency apartment attached to the club here. The Cheetah is a nice club too and from what I saw has some little hotties dancing there…hopefully we will shoot a few of them!

Mr. South,

I am DYING to get more videos of Michele Michaels from Southern Belles 2000 Vol. 1. I met her and got her autograph on the cover of the video. Is she in any other pornos? Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee email me back. Thanks.

AFAIK Michelle only did boy/girl for me, she can be seen in some girl/girl stuff from eye on you, and possibly in a vid from columbus college coeds.

Fairly good list (though I could live without hearing turn the page again) Urgent by Foreigner. Always made me drive too fast. Happy Turkey day to you and Tim from Australia! Welcome to the club Mike.

No worries!
Steve

That’s Steve Lane…aka Mr Serenity and ya I agree on Urgent. The club he speaks of is the “suitcase pimp club” although I never put Steve in that category, he is too clean cut. Lookit Tim Case…long hair, tattoos…now HE looks the part. As for me I’m takin my best pimpin attire I mean when ya pimpin a girl like Devon Michaels…shit thats breakin in at the deep end…sink or swim..I’m in.

I sincerely appreciate your VERY kind words on your site today!

Of course, it goes without saying that I wish you a GREAT Thanksgiving! You’re one of the truly sharp and honest guys–I’m proud to have you as a
friend, Mike!

Regards,
Dave

That’s Dave Cumming and I am proud to have him as a friend too. I have a lot of respect for the men and women who serve this country!

I leave Wed AM for Ft Lauderdale, FL. Gonna spend Turkey Day with Devon Michaels I will update y’all from the road.

This is actually my second gig as suitcase pimp, I once was a G-String Jockey for Sana Fey for a week while she was featuring in Toronto. We were kinda dating then but boy did I learn a lot. I miss Ms Fey sometimes, life around her was never dull.

Devon Michaels on the other hand should be more fun than squashin tadpoles….

Since it was said that I don’t have anything nice to say about anyone or anybody and since I am in a rather happy mood today I am going to write some nice things, about people in porn even. You see there are some people in porn whom I think stand out, people who are all around decent folks, in no particular order.

Samantha Lewis at Digital Playground, Ya I roughed up “Rush” a bit but Samantha is sharp and tough with a pile of good business sense. She has been enormously successful in this business while never being slutty, she top notch and in my opinion, one of, if not the best businessperson in porn.

Bob Verna at Hollywood Video, If you saw Bob you never guess he had two nickles to rub together. You’d be VERY wrong. Bob is an all around nice guy who goes WAY back in this biz, I don’t know of anyone who has ever said anything bad about Bob, he has always been straight up with me about whatever he thought.

Tod Hunter at AVN, an intelligent and genuinely nice guy, someone I like to sit and have a beer with and shoot the shit.

Paul Fishbein, what can I say about “Fish” as he is affectionately called. He came out of nowhere with the right product at the right time, he made shrewd business decisions that paid off and he made himself arguably, the most powerful man in porn. He has always been nothing but nice to me and I have always appreciated that.

Adella O’Neal. She is an amazing PR person, if Tera or Devon passes gas Adella knows about it and makes sure we do too. It takes hard work a dedication to convince the world that 2 Movies a year make Tera a megastar, specially in this day and age in porn. She is unflappable she is intelligent and she is also just plain nice.

Jenna Jameson. While I have had some fun with Jenna she IS a porn superstar, thanks to dedication and hard work on the part of her and Joy King. Jenna has come a long way from the shy little girl I met in Tampa Florida at the Nightmoves Show yars ago. Jenna has never been anything but nice to me.

Harry Weiss. What can I say about Harry except if he read this and saw Adella and not himself he’d have an email in my mailbox before I could close my FTP program. And that my friends is the mark of a good PR guy. Harry is witty, funny and a helluva good guy.

Tim Lake. A bit goofy but smart (he gave me my first job in porn) Tim took a company in financial ruin and made it successful, along with his brother Moffit.

Ron Jeremy. I love Ronnie, since the very first day I met him Ron made me feel like a part of this business, he is a funny guy and he has been the butt of some of my pratical jokes, but he takes it in the spirit intended. Ronnie is the most recognizeable porn star and he is the only one to maintain any degree of mainstream success while still staying in porn. Ronnie is good natured and a true legend in porn.

Bill Margold. Margold may be controversial as hell but I respect him and I like him because he believes in what he does, I may not agree but I would never say that the man has a disingenuous bone anywhere in his body. Not only that his heart, well it’s as big as his ego, and if ya know Bill well thats pretty fuckin big.

Jared Rutter. I don’t think there is a nicer guy in all of porn, Jared is probably the only male in porn that I would trust in a room alone interviewing Cori Love. He integrity, period.

Henri Pachard aka Ron Sullivan, is another guy who has always made me feel welcome in porn, he is articulate and he has a long and distinguished career in this biz, when he emails me or says hello it makes me proud.

John Leslie. here is a guy who has been in porn since I was old enough to watch porn, he has seen it all, yet he too always recognizes me, always says hello and greets me by name. He adapted and stayed with porn knowing when to bow out and stay behind the camera.

Joey Silvera. He was my biggest surprise in porn, he is very shy he is also very respectful and a helluva nice guy, like John Leslie, Joey knew when to bow out.

John Stagliano. If John isn’t the best businessman in porn he is the shrewdest. In a business where most people are lucky to clear past due invoices in a year Evil Angel carries very little past due accounts, he got a product that stores had to stock to be successful, he makes the distributors buy minimums of everything Evil puts out, he doesn’t let them return and he doesn’t go to catalog. He may rule Evil Angel with an iron fist but by God he knows what he is doing.

Serenity. She has always had class, something this business sorely lacks. Srenity and hubby Steve Lane are excellent business people and plain old nice folks.

There are a lot of others and they know who they are, people in porn I call my friends, Melissa Hill, Midori, Anna Malle and Hank Armstrong, Dirty Bob, Tim Case and Felicia Fox, Quasarman, JimmyD ( I am the one who tagged him with that nickname…ask him…) and many others.

The bottom line is while all the folks are the best articles like this one just aren’t very interesting, or funny, and as such aren’t very entertaining. My job here is to entertain my readers. If my writing here is a “war cry” well maybe we should take a look at ourselves we all know that porn and its people are full of absurdity and that just makes for a big target and a funny one.

Ok maybe tomorrow or later today I will resume being “The Mouth of the South”

Till then lets all have a big group hug and come out fighting.

Just Damn!:

I just knew I’d kick myself for forgetting someone from the list below and I did, oddly enough it’s prolly the one guy I have the most respect for. You see Dave Cumming is a real American hero, he sacrificed over twenty years of his life to serve in the United States Armed Forces. He put his life on the line for our liberty. Most in porn don’t know it but Dave has a very distinguished background in the service, he was a Lt. Colonel, an advisor to the Joint Chiefs of Staff and an instructor at West Point Military Academy. When he said “jump” America’s best said “how high” on the way up!. People who serve in the military honorably all deserve our support and our thanks it is the result of what that do that we stay free. PS He is one helluva nice guy too!

As some of you may or may not know I write a monthly column for Adult Stars Magazine It is, for the most part lifted directly from the pages you read here everyday…You DO read here everyday. Right?…good! Well it seems that my most recent column has caused some concern over there, the following is an email I received from the editor.

“The Article is NOT controversial…….it’s a fuckin’ war cry! He has damn little nice to say about anyone or anything.

Publishing this column in ASM goes against almost everything that I believe in….everything except for ONE - the right for people to hold and express negative opinions.

Personally, I disagree with most of what Mike has to say in this column. In some cases I think he’s dead wrong. But guess what - just because I disagree and just because I think he’s dead wrong….DOESN’T MEAN THAT HE IS (even though I know he is).

As editor I have the power and authority to “kill” the entire offensive article. As a law enforcement officer I had the power and authority to “kill” offensive individuals. And with such power and authority comes a massive amount of responsibility - NOT TO DO SO.

Unless I get a veto from xxxx (which I will abide by) I say we print this article as is and in full.

I will be writing my first “as-editor” editorial in which I will address many of the things mentioned in this here letter.

I would rather defend my right to allow an unpopular voice to be heard than defend my decision to silence it.”

So it appears they are gonna run it….Ya see they can’t fire me, I work for free…slaves have to be sold.

Hola, Senor South! Yo Quiero…(er, excuse me…been in the southwest too long).

Hey, Mike! We’ve finally made it to the left coast…we arrived in L.A. Sunday afternoon at around 2pm and checked into our old familiar hooker motel on Roscoe.I have to tell you, dude…we left Long Island on Sunday, Nov. 10, exactly 14 days ago today. That boggles my mind. Since leaving NY we’ve driven nearly 3200 miles, put on 20 feature shows in four different clubs in two different cities (Albuquerque & Tucson), stayed in four different hotels, saw two different Tool concerts, and dragged poor Bubba with us every step of the way. I’ve personally witnessed Felicia Fox making out with at least 8 different house dancers, and I suspect there are a few I may have missed. Jim Gunn would be very proud.
(Oh yeah…along the way I think we made a little money, too.)
During the long drive out west, I witnessed some of the most absolutely beautiful scenery I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I was supremely humbled at the awe-inspiring sight of all those gorgeous natural peaks, clefts, and valleys — and that was just Felicia flashing and mooning the truck drivers. In all seriousness, though — the drive through New Mexico, Arizona, and California offers some of the most breathtaking scenery I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to see it all again on the long drive back to Long Island, where we have to be December 4-7 at “The Scene”. How sick is THAT?
On the way out west, in the middle of the night on a lonely stretch of Missouri interstate, with Felicia and Bubba asleep in the back seat and the cd player running on overdrive, I came up with another TOP TEN LIST for you…this, my kentucky fried friend, is a list of songs which make you want to keep on driving right on past the rest area…I dare anyone reading this right now: listen to all of these songs in a row and just TRY and resist the urge to throw the dog, the porn star, and the feature costumes in the van then head out to the highway.

THE TOP TEN BEST ROAD SONGS OF ALL TIME

10. “Radar Love” by Golden Earring
9. “Green Grass and High Tides” by The Outlaws
8. “Against the Wind” by Bob Seger
7. “Only God Knows Why” by Kid Rock
6. “Ace of Spades” by Motorhead
5. “Roll With the Changes” by REO Speedwagon
4. “Willin’” by Little Feat (”Dixie Chicken” is an acceptable substitute)
3. “Turn the Page” by either Bob Seger or Metallica
Gotta disagree here the metallica cover SUCKED!
2. “Call Me the Breeze” by Lynyrd Skynyrd
1. “Won’t Get Fooled Again” by The Who
BONUS TRACK: “Rock and Roll” by Led Zeppelin

Later, bro. Have a happy turkey day! And Happy Thanksgiving to all our buddies out there reading all this stuff (that means you, Dave Cummings; you too, Steve Lane; and especially you, Jaime Romero at Hustler Hollywood)

Well I ain’t from Kentucky Tim but I do have to agree with your list and your critique of Fifi’s landscape.

As a tribute to my buddy Tim Case, I Mike South am going to be a suitcase pimp for the week! I am leaving tomorrow night to go on the road with Devon Michaels. I will write about my experiences here. Any advice before I leave from Suitcase pimp par excellece Tim Case is always appreciated!

reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment. I don’t get paid overtime.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative; you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Now THAT’S Funny!

Ok here’s a fish I didn’t catch this ones made of hubcaps…pretty cool huh…click the picture for the website.