Hola Southern Pimp,

After viewing what has to be the second worst company I felt compelled to share my thoughts with you and your audience. With all the shit that Rob Black has done it looks as if he inspired some other ass-wads to continue Rob’s tradition of degrading women. It seems that http://www.subvisionfilms.com/index1.html makes its living off that. While a small part of their offering can be found humorous, the rest is just plain sickening.

Now I don’t believe in censorship in any form. But what the fuck is wrong with these people? Piss Mops? Why in the fuck would anyone get turned on over shit like that? better yet, after all the success of the womens liberation movement would they let a guy piss in their mouth?

I viewed a couple of their different sites. Frank Wank looked interesting. Shit, the guy has a good hook. White trash, wannabe pimp who does his funky little dance before letting in the aspiring porn star. He has his way with her before spilling the beans that he has no contacts in the biz. If it stopped there, I would have no problem with it. But does he really need spit in her mouth and then have her spit back in his? Any need to smack her in the face?

It is sites like that and Piss Mops why every adult producer is under fire. It boggles the mind what disgusting nitwit can come up with shit like that. It makes one wonder if the same jerk-offs were really nerds back in high school looking for payback to the stereotypical cheerleader in modern day. Do these guys feel like big men that they can smack a girl in the mouth and then piss on her all because he’s paying her? Think he’d object if I hired his mom or his younger sister to do the same scene? Second thought, probably not. These guys are the ones who have no morals. The rely on shock value. They aren’t artists and provide nothing more than a venue for degrading women.

Whats more puzzling is why do girls continue to work for them? Has the business become that hard to get work that they have to lower themselves to nothing more than public humiliation? I just cant see why a girl would opt to choke on a dick and puke for an hundred or so…shit sometimes even less than she would get for a normal fuck shot.

I think it is guys like you, that are a true testament to the industry. I don’t believe I have ever heard one bad thing said about Mike South other than someone swore up and down you were really Bubba Sparxxx. You are respectful to the women and you tell it like it is. More importantly, you don’t fuck people over. Why aren’t there more guys like yourself in this business? The only way to rid our business of these dicks with grudges against women starts with the women saying no.

Funny story. Last week, I was shooting some custom content and a girl who I will keep nameless, said she did some work for one of those types of sites. This guy told her that he had plenty of contacts in Tinsel Town and that if she paid her dues, she could be the next big crossover star. Now, she was dumb for falling for it in the first place but man, why is it that these women think being pissed on is paying dues? Fuck, the guys shooting the shit didn’t pay his fucking dues, why should she? More importantly, when was the last time that Warner Brothers was in search of a porn star who does hardcore gagging and then lets a guy wash his cum down her throat with his piss? I am pretty sure Julia Roberts wasn’t on that list. In all seriousness, the chances of crossing are much slimmer but if there was a chance, participating in degrading acts is much harder for Hollywood execs to look the other way on.

To any women that read this: You don’t need to let guys piss on you to make a few bucks. There’s no need to choke yourself on some guy’s johnson to the point of puking. There’s no need to take part in ass milkshakes. (Thank Rob Black for that dreamy concoction.) Fuck, if the extra couple hundreds dollars is that important that you feel a need to degrade yourself, fuck, Ill shoot you and save you the humiliation. I may not be some great director or artist but I am respectful and all business.

I guess it goes to show Mike, that you yourself has made a difference on someone, even if that someone is me.

I am off my soapbox now.

Anthony.

P.S. The bet was a draw since no attempted to answer. No French made outfit for my ass. Thank the porn gods!

It Ain’t Porn Related But: (From www.boortz.com)

Kathy Cox is the Georgia Superintendent of Schools. As such, she resides over what are arguably the worst government schools in the nation. Now Kathy Cox has decided that the quality of education in Georgia government schools can be vastly improved if they will just remove the word “evolution” from classrooms and textbooks. Instead of “evolution,” it will be “biological changes over time.” It’s a nice little victory for fundamentalists who think the Bible is a scientific textbook, and fodder for those around the rest of the country who like to portray the South as ignorant. Thanks, Kathy. Don’t you have something else you could be doing

The Following was Posted to www.gofuckyourself.com the webmaster resource board:

I’m sending a press release out tomorrow and am inviting 10 adult celebs if you will to settle any and all disputes on the poker table.

a 1 table tournament for charity and cut&paste rights.

I hope they accept.

so far I’m inviting

Duck Floored - adultbeat.com

Luke Ford - Lukeford.com

Wankus- KSEXRadio.com

Mike South- Mikesouth.com

Jimmy D. -jimmyd.com

Dave Cummings DaveCummings.com

the guy from - hardcoregossip.com

Jason Curious- JasonCurious.com

anyone from AVN.com

Gene Ross at AdultFYI.com

all of them together at the same table(online) playing poker. I love it.

Duke Floored? Your going to play in our poker tournament tonight? I think it will help you with the stress you been having.

Interesting idea, I haven’t gotten the invite though, I don’t know what the stakes are and I don’t know when this showdown happens. Seems odd to me though, I am a poker player but don’t play for money anymore, it tends to make enemies of friends and it isn’t fun doing that. I don’t play online poker because the art of poker is in understanding the players, something that cant be done when you cant see them, watch their eyes, their breathing patterns, everything about them. It reduces the art of playing poker to little more than a game of chance, provided you play with the odds. I also want to know what the charity isand all that. I might do it.

An Open Invitation To Sharon Mitchell:

I want to interview you, not about AIM or HIV ar any of that but about your thoughts on human sexuality and how that relates to porn, I’m very serious, I find this topic fascinating and you recently earned your doctorate in this area. Email me if you are interested.

There is a lot being written these days about Saddam Hussein, Al-Qaeda, and other terrorists. But have you stopped to consider who the real enemies are?

Given John Ashcroft, Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden - which one do you think has the most power to eliminate freedom in this country?

You probably know who Saddam and Osama are but do you know who John Ashcroft is? He is Attorney General of the United States of America and he has some frightening ideas about your freedom. His ideas are that he knows better what is right for you than you do. He had a curtain pulled around the statue of Lady Justice in the Justice Department. Why? Because one of her breasts was bare. He has proclaimed that Playboy Magazine is probably obscene, and therefore illegal. He supported the prosecutions of two men in Houston, Texas, who were engaged in consensual sodomy in the privacy of their own residence, the police burst in and arrested them, resulting in a case that went all the way to the United States Supreme Court, who had the intelligence to see that sodomy law for what it was and struck it down. The fact that in this day and age it even had to go that far is frightening.

Here is what he had to say at a recent conference on “obscenity” in Columbia, SC.:

“Obscenity invades our homes persistently through the mail, phone, VCR, cable TV, and now the Internet. This multi-million dollar industry with links to organized crime has strewn its victims from coast-to-coast. Never before has so much obscene material been so easily accessible to minors.

The Internet is perhaps the most pernicious medium for obscenity. The Internet is a double edged sword: on one hand, it is an amazing tool that provides children a wealth of educational resources and gives them access to cultures and ideas that are beyond their everyday experiences. On the other hand, it also serves as a conduit for child exploitation and obscenity that respects no boundaries and recognizes no jurisdictional lines.

It is estimated that nine out of ten children between the ages of eight and sixteen have been exposed to obscene material on the Internet. In most of these cases, this exposure is accidental and occurs when a child - often in the process of doing homework - uses a seemingly innocent sounding word to search for information or pictures.

In addition to harming children directly, obscenity has tremendous consequences for our broader society. For instance, clinical and experimental evidence show a correlation between exposure to sexually violent materials and an increase in aggressive behavior directed towards women.

Child molesters often use obscene material to seduce their prey, to lower the inhibitions of the victim, and to serve as an instruction manual. Pedophiles and sexual predators have perverted the intent of the Internet: they use it to distribute obscenity, engage in sexually explicit conversations with children, and seek potential victims in chat rooms.

Most Americans do not want their homes besieged by an avalanche of obscenity and they support overwhelmingly vigorous enforcement of federal laws against Internet obscenity. The Supreme Court has agreed that obscenity is an appropriate subject for law enforcement.”

OK on the surface this may all sound reasonable to you, but one thing is certain, Mr. Ashcroft is not intent on regulating what children can access on the internet. He is intent on accessing what you and I, as adults, can access on the Internet. And it doesn’t stop there either. You see we call the internet “the information superhighway” and superhighways are designed for fast access and heavy volume. Would you let your child play on a superhighway? Do we really want to reduce the Internet to only that which is safely viewed by children?

And it doesn’t stop there. You see Mr Ashcroft is soundly against abortion, he doesn’t believe that should be a personal choice, he doesn’t want you to be able to get information on RU486 either. Where does this stop? With the “Ministry of Propoganda”?

I tell you where it needs to stop. It needs to stop in 2004. As a general rule I support a lot of George Bush’s policy decisions but I cannot support him as long as he continues to roll over for the Christian terrorists.

I am all for limiting the access of adult content, so that children do not accidentally or intentionally stumble upon it. But as they always do they wear the cloak of “protecting the children” to push an agenda of draconian censorship. Tell me how he has protected the children by covering that statue?

Is this the guy you want playing traffic cop on the information superhighway?

We interrupt the collective orgasm of the “Bush lied” crowd:

to remind them to listen to what former Iraqi weapons inspector David Kay is actually saying, rather than what they want to hear.

The headlines were swift in their condemnation of the Iraq invasion after Kay testified in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee yesterday. “No WMDs In Iraq” and “no stockpiles found” dominated the news of the day. This was going to be the coming out party for the Bush -haters and their buddies on the left. Not so fast.

Kay testified he believed there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq prior to the war, as did the German intelligence service and even French President Jacques Chirac. Now keep in mind, Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, used them and concealed them. He was also in clear violation of 12 years of UN resolutions. There is no disputing that. All Kay is talking about is the intelligence not leading them to any WMD since the war ended.

Kay even states in his testimony that the Iraqi security service used the looting after the regime fell to cover their WMD program’s tracks and destroy evidence. He does not believe anyone in the Bush administration deceived the American people, and agrees that removing Saddam Hussein was a good idea that has made the world a safer place. All he is saying is the intelligence wasn’t very good, and needs to be improved. It’s going to be the Democrats like John Kerry that are going to have to answer for cutting the CIA’s budget in the past.

The bottom line: nothing new here, folks. The liberals really had such high hopes for pinning this on Bush in November. Guess they’ll have revert to the old standbys of class warfare and the deficit.

SPEAKING OF THE FRENCH….THIS IS GOING TO GET GOOD

Now we are going to finally start finding out why countries like France, Germany and Russia were so opposed to the liberation of Iraq. They were afraid that they would be exposed and embarrassed for helping Iraq cheat during all those years of UN sanctions. The first report of this is a real bombshell.

According to documents retrieved from Saddam Hussein’s oil ministry, he used oil to bribe top French officials into opposing the invasion of Iraq. You’ve got to be kidding me….these are the same hypocrites that accused us of trading blood for oil, when it was they who were really concerned about the oil in the first place!

One former ambassador that had long been suspicious of French motives for opposing the war said “oil runs thicker than blood.” It sure does. What a bunch of lying losers. According to the Iraqi Governing Council, the documents list 46 companies, individuals and organizations outside of Iraq that were accepting Saddam’s oil bribes. They include officials in Egypt, Syria, the PLO, the Russian Communist Party and China, among others.

Remember, when somebody says it’s not about the money (or in this case the oil,) it always is.

Last week I got an email from a chick I had met about a year ago, she is cute, petite and very fun and outgoing, her name is Amanda. Amanda wanted to know if I would be her date to a swing party on Saturday night. I told her that I had an early shoot and would meet her there about 10 O’Clock. In general I am not a hardcore swinger, I will play if the notion strikes me and the chemistry is right, but I do like to hang around swingers because they are well…Fun!

I met Amanda at a very updcale hotel that was hosting the party and was led around to a big pavillion where everyone was dancing and socializing. It was fun, there were lots of people of all ages in sexy dress and they were enjoying themselves and I was enjoying hanging out. I knew many of them and met lots more.

After a while we all adjourned to an upstairs floor that was reserved exclusively for us. It was cool, people were having sex everywhere but in the halls and they might have been having it there too. most of the doors to the rooms were open and a couple of rooms were set aside as hospitality suites where refereshments were available.

I mingled with Amanda and some other friends and thouroughly enjoyed the evening, even saw an old friend I hadn’t seen in 5 or 6 years.

They have monthly parties here in Atlanta and if you are interested hit up the website United Socials of America tell em Mike South sent ya!

Comgrats To Sharon Mitchell:

She has earned her doctorate in Human Sexuality. Word is she will be essentially stepping down from AIM, remaining only as a figure head. I hear that AIm will get some new blood at the top in an effort to shore up failing confidence due to misdiagnosis and wide spread STD scandals involving the organisation.

Dr. Mitchell will now be opening a private practice.

The Miller test is the United States Supreme Court’s test for determining whether speech or expression can be labelled obscene, in which case it is not protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution and can be prohibited.

The Miller test was developed in the 1973 case Miller vs. California. It has three parts:

1. Whether the average person, applying contemporary community standards, would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest,
2. Whether the work depicts/describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct specifically defined by applicable state law,
3. Whether the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value.

The third condition is also known as the SLAPS test. The work is considered obscene only if all three conditions are satisfied.

The pending case United States of America v. Extreme Associates includes a video called Forced Entry, which includes rape, murder, suffocation, beatings and urination in sexual contexts.

Lets examine how this mght play out before a jury:

On Point 1 we must first define “prurient”, according to the dictionary it means:

1. Inordinately interested in matters of sex; lascivious.

2. Characterized by an inordinate interest in sex: prurient thoughts. Arousing or appealing to an inordinate interest in sex: prurient literature.

Because of the context and nature of “Forced Entry” it is clear that it does in fact appeal to an interest in sex. I don’t see any argument there

So on prong one of the Miller Test The Prosecution will point out that Forced Entry does, in fact comply ad a jury is likely to agree.

On prong two it is clear that “Forced Entry” depicts sexual conduct in a patently offensive way, and the fact that all 50 states have laws against assualt and battery, sexual assault, aggravated sexual assault and similar statutes make it very clear that “Forced Entry” will fail this prong, and a jury will likely agree.

On prong 3 The prosecution is going to hold forth that “Forced Entry” is not a real movie, it is not a real story, it contains illegal activity, not just depections of illegal activity. The prosecutor will maintain that it’s sole purpose is to appeal to a deviate interest in sexually violent aggression towards women and even likely will represent it as being outside the standards of even the adult community. They may even attempt to prove this by noting that AVN wouldn’t even review or acknowledge that the work existed.

Prong 3 will be the hardest to prove and ultimately will be the one the jury will argue, it could go either way easily, much will ride on jury selection in this case.

Much will also ride on decidions by the judge and without a doubt, appeals that may go all the way to the Supreme Court. Other counts against Extreme will test what community will have applicable standards, and when dealing with content from a website what constitutes a work as “a whole”. I put the chances of a conviction on at least one count at about 55-45 in favor of Rob being convicted, lets face it people, we handed the government the best case they could ask for.

Since most in porn have embraced Mr Black and appointed him our defacto spokesperson we are walking on thin ice indeed.

Personally I would prefer to see this trend end and the ilk of Black and others behind bars, not for obscenity but for other more egregious violations of mostly state laws that do not have anything to do with obscenity.

Rob Black has never and will never speak for me, he is illiterate and not very articulate but mostly he is vile and disgusting and his views do not represent mine.

If you are in this business you may want to give this some thought, I know I am.

My Mole in Houston Sent Me A Form:

Apparently in an effort to secure a room over superbowl weekend many guests at the hotels checked in early in the week and planned to extend their stay….much to their chagrin when they checked in they were made to sign a form stating that if they do not check out on the agreed date that they will be arrested for criminal tresspassing.

I don’t get the whole Superbowl thing, I still think it’s gay….

AVN Mad At Me?:

It appears the this site has been blocked by AVN. I have had a number of loyal readers at AVN who have indicated that they can no longer reach mikesouth.com. I did some checking and they can reach all of the other sites on the same IP address, except mine and goddess. So apparently we have been officially blocked. At whose request I don’t know. Apparently it got blacked around the same time that I ran the Tiffany Case/Chasey Lain Story, though I have no proof that that story was the offending story. Oh Well I hope that this is just a hardware or software mistake and not an outright ban.

OK Time to Take a Test:

Anthony sent me this, I have modified the test to make it more relevant.

Pimp Daddy South,
Got into an argument the other night with a friend over whether those in porn are not smart enough to cut it in the real world. His case is this most porn stars dont have “book smarts” to get degrees and worthwhile jobs. My stance is why waste time working 40 hours for $10 when you can work 1-2 hours and make more than you would for the week. Besides, I would rather have common sense than book smarts any day of the week. After a heated discussion, we made a bet. He would select four questions and we would post them on your site. The only people that could answer them were people in the porn business (accountants/lawyers not ellgible.) Three of the 4 have to be answered correctly.

The stakes: If I win, Judd has to stand out in public bare assed and hold a sign that states “Porn stars are smarter than me!”, which he will have a funt ime explaining to his school’s administration since he is a teacher. If he wins, yours truly has to dress up in a French Maids outfit and go clubbing and have to dance with any guy who asks me. With something so damn embarrassing I know the first guy I am turning to. Who else is more knowledgeable than you in this business?

Heres the questions (all math related.)

They are all math related but more importantly they are all statistics, a course I presume your friend teaches. Now seeing that porners don’t need to know about deviations (of the standard variety) and all I am fixing your test to make it more relevant.

Original question

1. A population has a mean of 40, and a standard deviation of 6. The area under the normal curve between the mean value and a sample value of 49 is?
A. 0.0596
B. 0.4332
C. 0.4441
D. 1.5

New question

1. The Population of Los Angeles is roughly 10 Million, given a normal age spread of this population how many girls are turning 18 everyday?

A. Not Enough
B. Too Many
C. Enough to keep Porn Valley in 18 year old pussy for porn videos
D. It doesn’t matter bcause Max Hardcore will get them and make them look 12

Original Question
2. The life of a battery is normally distributed with a mean of 1000 hours and a standard deviation of 50 hours. The amount of production that will have a life of between 930 and 1080 is:
A. 44.52%
B. 52.60%
C. 86.44%
D. 94.52%

New Question:

2. The life of a Car Battery is normally 36 Amp Hours, what are the chances that a porn chicks late model VW Beetle will have a dead battery the day you need her to show up for a shoot.

A. That depends on how many of her immediate family have died, preventing her from attending your previous shoots.
B. That depends on what drugs she did last night
C. That depends on if she worked yesterday
D. How soon is her rent due
E. All of the Above

Original Question
3. A 100-hour test of 20 items results in 3 failures, with the failures occurring after 40, 72, and 88 hours. The mean life (0) of the product is approximately:
A. 567 hours
B. 633 Hours
C. 667 hours
D. 800 hours

New Question

3. A 10 hour shoot with 6 meat puppets, 3 new, 3 veterans, results in the shoot taking over 16 hours, If sperm production is 1/2 the remaining volume per four hours how long will it be before the veterans can stand in and provide 80% volume pop shots for the new guys that can’t perform?

A. The vets are Dave Hardman, Randy West and Tyce Bune so the pop shot is miniscule anyway, hell they could even fake it
B. No time at all we just use the turkey basters and the fake jizz, this fucker has already run over too much.
C. Its a Jim Gunn Shoot we just make it all girl and give the guys a $25.00 kill fee
D. How much Viagra you got Tyce?

4. A firm produces a gear for use in the assembly machine that has a mean diameter of 12cm and a standard deviation of 0.75cm. If production is normally distributed, what percentage of the goods will be produced within the specification limit of 12.2cm+/-0.8cm .

A. 30.36%
B. 62.01%
C. 69.63%
D. 88.54%

4. Metro Home Video has called you wanting to order 1000 copies of your newest release. What price will you have to charge them to make a 50% Return on Investment considering that they will go a minimum of 180 days past due and will then bounce 3 checks to you. Don’t forget to factor in what the money would have been worth had you actually gotten it net 30 as you specify…In other words add interest.

A. 15.00 per
B. Shit we may as well not charge em at all they wont pay anyway
C. 10.00 per but we will accept product in trade because we are a distributor too
D. 5.00 per…we actually lose a buck per tape at that price but we will make it up in volume.
E. It don’t fuckin matter cuz the Producer/Director paid for all the costs, including duplication and printing and he dont get paid til I get paid, it aint my fuckin problem.

So there you go. Being the arrogant math teacher that he is, has already gone out and purcahsed the maid’s outfit. I am hoping my defense of the porn community’s intelligence doesnt backfire and bite me on the ass. There will be pictures sent to you to show who the winner was…I just hope its not my white ass.

Anthony.

I think you both lost….

Mike: Your offer to the British student trying to auction off her viriginity to further her studies nearly brought tears to my eyes. Every now and then, someone steps up to the plate and does something to restore my faith in humanity… and the power of a good gimmick.

Let’s see if she takes you up on your offer. Will you throw in her travel expenses as well?

The question is what would a lesbian find most distasteful — the old fashioned missionary position, and a dozen guys dropping their loads on her face.

Of course her travel is included. It just seemed wrong to me that she should have to lose her virginity in such an undignified manner.

Mike South Humanitarian of the Year:

After reading about the 18 year old virgin in the U.K. who is auctioning off her virginity via the internet I have decided to take action. I can’t let this immoral travesty just happen, I mean a cherry is terrible thing to waste on just some shmoe off the internet. So I have decided to step up to the plate and do the right thing.

I am offering Rosie Reid $10,000.00 to do 2 bukkakes for www.southernbukkake.com. She gets to keep her precious cherry and I get to feel good about giving her an option and helping her education.

Now who says porners are heartless.

I have a very well educated, well spoken, intelligent young lady who is seeking work in the valley. She has no problems with our business but has no desire to be in front of a camera, If you have part or full time work for her email me and I will put you in touch. She is sharp and is a fast learner, I highly recommend her. (She is easy on the eyes too)

AVN Online, A Review, Sort Of:

I got the February issue of AVNOnline today it bills itself as “Adult Internet News & Webmaster Resource”

Normally I thumb through it for anything that might be of interest and then file it. This time I had some free time so I decided to give it a pretty hard look and report what I saw here.

First of all the Magazine is slick, its printed on quality paper and looks good, no doubt about it.

The thing you notice most in thumbing through it is that there are a LOT of advertisers, and the number and types of ads reflect the current state of porn on the internet. Basically everyone is passing the same surfers back and forth between sites and programs in hopes that he will join one. They do this by forcing popups and other schemes on him until eventually he figures its worth the 29.995 to escape from this pop up hell. Nobody is advertising original and exclusive content. It’s all pretty much the same content with different pitches. but I digress.

Amid the pretty much superflous articles about the Paris Hilton keywords and press releases that are meaningless is an article about how PSWBilling is no longer processing payments, something that pswbillings customers knew back in November. Its a worthless story, the news is way old you couldn’t sign up with them a month prior to this issue coming out…hell 2 months prior. Another article explains what a “Markman Hearing” is and why its important. If you didn’t already know that you are not a very informed webmaster and you are in for a surprise when you find out that a company called Acacia is about to be demanding money from you, if they aren’t already.

As you read through you come on one of the cover stories entitled “A Branding Success Story” about how Taylor Wayne is getting mega rich on the net.

The story lets Wayne make all sorts of ridiculous claims like she gets “1.5 million hits a day” even if you don’t count those hits as uniquee visits thats ridiculous and any entry level web guy can look at the site and other resources and determine that her visits are well under 500 per day and that she might get 1.5 million hits in a year, if she is very lucky.

The article goes on to mention the “mansion that she lives in and her in home studio blah blah” what it barely mentions is that Taylor is married to an extremely successful photographer named Laurien, who is where all that money REALLY comes from. They even mention a taylor wayne site (taylorwayne.net) that doesn’t even work….

The point here is not to pick on Ms Wayne but to point out that if the audience is in fact “webmasters” this type of fluff has no place in the magazine, it’s clearly wrong and even a beginner webmaster can see that there was no fact checking involved, a simple look at her server logs can verify the traffic.

They also profile a Playboy Playmate and Victoria’s Secret model. Nice eye candy but do webmasters really want to read a 5 or 6 page ad for this chick, whose involvement in anything that resembles “porn” is non existant? Sure her site does OK, I can see that easily enough but is it something that I, as a webmaster can use? No way.

When the magazine imparts technical knowhow it is often wrong. In a recent issue some self appointed guru named “Old Tom” was explaining the intricacies of UNIX ownerships and permissions. he was wrong, very wrong and he was about to cross the line from being ignorant to being negligent by making recommendations that would compromise your sites security. When I emailed avnonline and pointed this out “Old Toms” series was cancelled immediately but my email was never acknowledged.

My advice to AVNOnline is to define your target audience and give it what it needs. As a webmaster I don’t need eyecandy and I don’t need bullshit articles about pornchicks that can no longer get work so they have turned to the internet and are claiming riches as a result.

Nor do I need information that I knew months ago. If you are going to succeed as a print magazine that caters to a medium that gives instantaineous news you aren’t going to do it by trying to report news that happened three months ago.

Technical articles are good a good series on how UNIX permissions and ownerships work is something many webmasters could use, but the person writing it better know what they are talking about. Good IN DEPTH technical articles and how to’s ae a good direction.

Another good topic is legal issues. Not scare tactics but real and honest advice on how best to make your site easily defendable should you need to and what the latest legal developments are. Admitted AVNOnline does some of this but not nearly enough and not nearly thorough enough.

Take an editorial stance from time to time, nobody knows where AVNOnline stands on the Acacia Issue, why is that? Sometimes you have to commit, sitting on the fence will do nothing but defeat you, ask Jimmy Carter.

On the other hand if your audience is the consumer then stick with reviews of gadgets and games and websites, consumers want eye candy, give it to them, but be honest in doing so.

We as webmasters only have each other as reliable resources, and so far that has worked well, resources like gofuckyourself.com and oprano have proven invaluable because the participants will help anyone and they are, by and large, honest. But there is a high signal to noise ratio something that AVNOnline should never have. Target your audience and turn AVNOnline into something more useful than bathroom reading.

Thats my $0.02 Worth.

Word Out to AGP Modeling:

When you guys send me your emails pimping your girls of the week it is not a good idea to send me a girl I shot over a year ago trying to tell me she has never done porn before.

“Keli Anderson will be making her first trip to the PORN VALLEY area for her debut of doing adult films. We are very excited about adding Keli to our roster because of the total package she offers the business. She is talent that you might pass on now but when you meet her, she glows sex appeal and energy. She is available for booking from Jan 27th to Feb 8th. Book her now by calling us or our on-line booking form. “

This is NOT her “debut of doing adult films” I shot that over a year ago.

A Guy In Houston Writes:

You don’t like gay people very much do you?

I assume you are referring to my football comments, which I don’t think are anti-gay in any way but maybe you are the sensitive type, in which case you found yourself in the wrong place indeed.

But let me set the record straight here, actually I don’t care who you have sexual relations with in the privacy of your own home, I don’t care who you hold hands with in public and I don’t care who you marry. In my belief it isn’t any of my business.

Further I think of my friends who are gay, I look around and I see guys and girls who have long term relationships with a same sex partner, they are lovng, caring and they treat each other with love and respect. Then I look at a lot of the Hollywood left, like Britney Spears, who have done everything they can to defile and destroy the institution of marriage. Is there any doubt where I stand on same sex marriage? I think gays are much more respectful of the relationship.

Had I been the judge here is what I would have said to Ms. Spears:

As I look at the circumstances surrounding this petition for annulment of this legally binding contract of marriage, I take a few things into consideration. Ms. Spears, you are a bona fide celebrity, you are looked upon as a role model by many young people, you have been granted a priveledge by our society and you are misusing this priveledge. I think both of you are making a mockery of not only the institution of marriage but also of this legal system and of my court. I do not want to see that continue and as such I am denying this petition. Make it work.

NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, YOU DISGUST ME!

You are one amazing hillbilly. Danny Lohner, Gene Simmons, you can get the name of the hotels where the superbowl players are staying, and you know more about who is doing what in porn valley than the people in porn valley. How DO you do it?

If I told you I would have to kill you….just be content that this part of the site is and shall remain…FREE! Subsidized for you by my paying customers!

Jim Writes:

OK Wise ass you know so much about football and all tell us where the teams are staying.

Ask and ye shall recieve….smart guy…the AFC is staying at the Wyndam Greenspoint and the NFC is staying at the Intercontinental Galleria.

Now go get yer memorabilia and don’t say I never gave ya nothing.

Futbol?

I have a prediction, and that prediction is that the Super Bowl” is going to be a resounding disappointment at every level this year. I base this on the fact that I have a close friend who works for a mojor hotel corp. and she is based in Houston. She told me that people are trying left and right to cancell their non-refundable reservations (4 day minimum paid in advance). Seems whoever is playing (Tha Patriots and the Panthers?) just ain’t all that interesting.

I dunno know about you guys but football has never been interesting to me, maybe it is because I played and coached hockey, a real mans sport. Personally I’m kind of surprised at the whole football thing anyhow, I mean it’s pretty easy to see its appeal is to latent homosexuality. The game is full of homo erotic images and actions is it not?

Anyhow Im not sure who is playing, so I cant predict who might win, on the other hand at what the networks charge for a 30 second ad I’m sure that ultimately THEY are the winners.

Show me a guy watching a football game on a beautiful fall afternoon and I will show you a guy who ain’t gettin laid….

Anyone Know This Guy and Which “Reality Site” He Shoots For?:

Man Arrested Hiring Woman for Porn Film
woman thought she was interviewing for secretarial job

–Associated Press

Stockton, Ca- A 29-year-old woman who interviewed for a minimum-wage secretarial job got more than what she bargained for when she called police after the interviewer allegedly suggested she could earn four times as much by performing in his adult movies.

Michael Allen Garfield, 57, was taken into custody after an undercover police officer called about the same porn job and was invited to Garfield’s hotel room for an audition. Garfield was arrested for operating without a business license or an adult-industry permit. Tina O’Grodnick, the woman who filed the complaint against Garfield, said she was mortified when Garfield’s questions turned to her marital status, bra size and sex positions she favored.

O’Grodnick said she didn’t want to call Garfield a pig because he might grab her and that he had her personal information on a resume sheet. She said when she left the room, Garfield hugged her.

10. Bill Wyman, Rolling Stones (but only if the girl is younger than him by 40 years)
9. John Entwhistle, The Who (but only if the girl is a coked-up stripper in Vegas)
8. Tony Kanal, No Doubt (10 inch penis, once dumped Gwen Stefani — nuff said)
7. Danny Lohner, Nine Inch Nails (likes porn chicks — but then, who doesn’t?)
6. Paul McCartney, The Beatles, various other shitty bands (but only if the girl is a one-legged vegetarian model)
5. Jason Newstead, Voivod & formerly Metallica (groupies say he’s just too ugly to fuck)
4. Flea, Red Hot Chili Peppers (likes to play naked or wearing only a tube sock — the chicks dig it)
3. Twiggy Ramirez/Jeordie White, Marilyn Manson & A Perfect Circle (once sucked Marilyn Manson’s penis while onstage…changed his name, but groupies still won’t touch him)
2. Sting, The Police, various jazz combos (student of Tantric Sex — can maintain erection for 6 hours. Porn actors argue that he’s actually injecting steroids into his penis)
1. Gene Simmons, Kiss (in competition with Ron Jeremy to see who can bang the most chicks before they die…Ron edging ahead since Gene spending too much time writing books and promoting Kiss Caskets)

This Update Is Brought to you By Tim Case, who Stole it From george Carlin:

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK…so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and he Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:

a) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of The Christian faith.
c) Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

11. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . ……they’re cramming for their final exam.

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

19. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Frank Writes “Nobody Recognized Danny”:

You want to know why? He plays BASS!!

“NOBODY fucks the bass player.”

Now if you can place that quote, I’ll be really impressed.

Frank

Gene Simmons Responds:

Nobody fucks the bass player? Could have fooled me.

Tod Hunter Adds:

Tell Gene Simmons that there’s an exception for bass players who can lick their eyebrows.

–T

Click Here for the Galleries

Thanks Bivman!

What Have I Started Now…Wankus chimes in:

Wankus of KSEXradio.com says:

I don’t know why I’m submitting a list of damn good R&B bass players to a bunch of hicks who know nothing about duh Funk but hell, if it edumacates one of ya, it served it’s purpose:

10. Jaco Pastorious - Weather Report - [C’mon now, mad skills can’t get him in the sack? I think not]
9. Les Claypool - [Duh Man! Soothing chords into slapping funk, and that’s not including his playing]
8. Victor Wooten - Flecktones - [Not the prettiest of the group but damn this man has fingers that drive the ladies nuts]
7. Bootsy Collins - Parliament - [You think George Clinton only shares his weed? Collins got a lot of left overs]
6. Tony Levin - King Crimson [Six string bass, bald head - he got fucked, it’s a given]
5. Flea - Red Hot Chilli Peppers [girls, guys, everyone wants to fuck him]
4. MeShell Nndegeocello [Okay so she’s a dyke but she’s so damn good I’d stick my dick between her bass strings]
3. Stanley Clarke [Undercover Brother isn’t the only thing this man’s famous for - bangin’ babes at the Apollo was probably routine]
2. Brian Bromberg [Jazz and R&B player - funky as a MoFo - the sisters had to tear this white boy up when they saw his skills]
1. Mark King - Level 42 - [Who would’da thunk it? A white boy leads the funk list….this guy doesn’t just play commercial cheesy shit, he spanks that bass like his bitches]

You can post your rockers all ya want, but the bitches I know want to bang bass players with SKILLS not just David Lee Roth style outfits and haircuts!

Many Wanks,

Wankus

If you must know the motherboard on my server had to be replaced.

As Promised:

That Fifi with Danny Lohner, as in the Bass player for Nine Inch Nails Danny Lohner! Super nice guy, he hung with us at the awards show and we all had a blast!

(Compliments of AVN.com) Felicia Fox wins!

Remeber the story I told last week about the chick that got 2 free passes to the AVN Awards cuz someone thought she was Guage…This is the two of them together! How cute are they? BTW I reported she was asian…she isn’t she is hispanic…guess I been watching too much asian themed porn where they try to pass hispanics off as asians….I do have one question though, how could anyone mistake them? they only share stature in common well they ARE both cute as all hell but they don’t look anything alike.