February 27th, 2005

Actual Courtroom Testimony, Which Lawyer Do You think It Was (Prolly most of them would be right):

Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

Doctor: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar!

Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

Doctor: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law somewhere.

February 26th, 2005

I Get Some Nice Emails from Time To Time:

Just letting me know that ya’ll appreciate the site, and I appreciate them, I won’t name names, to protect the guilty, But it’s nice to get an attaboy now and then. See unlike all the other blogs, I don’t pimp anyone here, cept maybe me. I don’t sell advertising and I aint beholden to anyoneso one thing you can always count on, I call it like I see it. Agree with me or not I’m glad ya give me a read! Thanks Y’all

 

February 24th, 2005

You Might Have Noticed a LONG Overdue Change Here

Please bear with me while I get everything working!

As Tempting As It Is I Am Going To Refrain And Run This One Straight:

If you go to this thing, look for a kinda tall chick with a nice rack named Dusty, who won’t let me put her head on anything here…yet….and tell her Mike South Sent ya, or don’t.

Now I expect some Phallix Glass Goodies to put into some sweet southern belles here.

I Fucking TOLD You So: (From AVN.com)
Utah Bill Sets Up Site Registry, Increases Penalties For Adult
By: Mark Kernes
SALT LAKE CITY - Supporters may have failed to secure official approval for a .xxx top-level domain, but the state of Utah is trying to create one of its own through site rating and registry.

The Utah House of Representatives on Tuesday heard a revised version of a bill titled “Amendments Related To Pornographic And Harmful Materials” introduced on the House floor.

The bill appropriates $250,000 of taxpayer funds and requires almost as much in private matching funds to create an official database. The database will be organized by URL of Websites containing “material harmful to minors,” and which sites are “not properly rated” by the site’s “content provider,” who is defined as “a person that creates, collects, acquires, or organizes electronic data for electronic delivery to a consumer.”

The provider is required to do the rating itself – but woe to the provider who rates improperly (under rules to be devised and published by the Utah Division of Consumer Protection): That’s a third degree felony. The bill also funds public service announcements to advertise the existence of the registry and to inform consumers how to use it.

Under the bill, ISPs are apparently required to block material deemed harmful to minors at the server level for any consumer who requests it, at no cost to the consumer: “76-10-1231. Data service providers – Internet content harmful to minors.(1)(a) Upon request by a consumer, a service provider shall use filtering technology to prevent the transmission of material harmful to minors to the consumer at no additional cost to the consumer.”

However, if the consumer wishes to block the sites on his/her own computer, ISPs are required to provide blocking technology to the consumer, again at no cost to the consumer, although if the ISP has less than 5,000 subscribers, it can charge consumers for blocking software – but can’t make a profit in doing so. Any ISP that fails to abide by the law is guilty of a Class A misdemeanor and subject to a civil fine of up to $10,000 per day for each offense – and the Division of Consumer Protection is required to check annually to make sure each ISP’s blocking technology is effective.

As to material “harmful to minors,” this bill also switches the entire onus onto the content provider to determine if a person wishing to view its material is a minor. Whereas the law used to say, “A person is guilty of dealing in material harmful to minors when, knowing that a person is a minor, or having failed to exercise reasonable care in ascertaining the proper age of a minor,” it now reads, “A person is guilty of dealing in material harmful to minors when, knowing that a person is a minor, or having negligently or recklessly failed to determine the proper age of a minor,” he distributes to a minor material harmful to the minor, or performs for or with a minor, any material harmful to the minor. Such distribution or performance used to have to be intentional; now, just doing it “negligently or recklessly” is enough to garner at least a $300 fine and two weeks in jail for the first offense. After that, each offense is a second degree felony, with a fine of at least $5000 and at least a year in prison “without suspension of sentence.”

All this is in addition to language which is unchanged from current law, that makes it a crime to send, distribute, publish, exhibit, advertise or perform pornographic (not “obscene”) material to anyone within the state, although this bill raises each offense from a Class A misdemeanor to a third degree felony with a mandatory jail term of not less than 30 days, and a fine of not less than $1,000.

By the way, it’s also a third degree felony, with the same punishments, to require a bookstore or newsstand, for instance, to accept pornographic (not “obscene”) material as a condition for supplying that store with non-pornographic books, magazines, newspapers, etc., or to deny or revoke a franchise (or threaten to do so) if the franchisee refuses to carry porn “or material reasonably believed by the purchaser or consignee to be pornographic” as part of its stock.

See, it doesn’t have to be pornographic; you’re guilty if someone just thinks it is!

Remember When AVN, Greg Piconnelli and others were whoring the idea of a .XXX domain with Jason Hendales, remember when they said that states COULDN’T Do EXACTLY what Utah is trying to do? I told you that this is exactly what would happen all .xxx would do is make it a LOT easier for them. Where are you now Picconelli? Why aren’t you taking this on pro-bono? And people wonder why lawyers are more hated than any other profession….

February 23rd, 2005

Supreme Court Upholds Alabama Ban On Sex Toys:

There are three states that have banned the sale of sex toys, Alabama, Georgia and Texas.

BT Writes:

Mike: Check out what’s going on with sex toys in Alabama (what is it with you red necks anyway?). Like Judge Lancaster, this is turning on a citizens right to privacy in the bedroom issue.

Privacy is where the action is right now. And that’s why the Supreme Court is eventually going to hear one of these cases. The question of whether privacy is a right found in the Constitution is one of the most controversial between libertarians and conservatives. Current judges like Souter, Kennedy, and Ginsburg believe it is. Scalia, Rhenquist, and Thomas believe it isn’t. Then you got your swing voters.

Well BT I am guessing that the legislators in Alabama, Georgia and Texas feel that dildos are a threat to either their manhood or somehow maybe a dildo would make a better legislator….But I agree whole heartedly on the privacy thing. A ruling that a right to privacy exists in the constitution could have very profound changes across the board. Maybe it is time to make the right to privacy guaranteed by the constituion, fuck the marraige amendment, the right to privacy amendment would be one I thik I could support.

FreddyFingers Writes:

I figured I’d help you get a death threat from Kurt lockwood.

Top 10 Reasons Kurt Lockwood will go on a shooting rampage then turn the gun on himself:

10. Too many people ask him why he has a tattoo of an arrow pointing to his ass
9. Tyler Faith dumped him for KSEX’s Wankus
8. He didn’t get top billing at Jason Curious’ “Mickeys Gay Bar” night
7. His favorite tranny hooker died of AIDS
6. There’s not enough funerals of porn people to go start fights at
5. Brad Pitt called and said, “Kurt, stop trying to be me”
4. His website was flagged by the FBI as a potential Alkeida gay network
3. Has lost all audio with his flatulants, excercises aren’t working
2. Nick Manning still gets all the credit for looking in the mirror excesively
#1 - Was just informed that the fans watch porn to see the female talent

Damn man…that’s COLD…..

 

February 22nd, 2005

Model dude Writes:

Hope you had a good weekend. I read the site today and so the update. The good news, you got laid as many times as I did in Los Angeles.

So in the big scheme of things, whether you are a model or you have a big weenie, you always end up two girls short of a three-way……when put like that, it doesn’t sound like the odds are too bad for a three-way.

Anyways brother, hope you had a good time with her and the festival was fun.

Talk to you soon brother.

I did actually she is a way cool girl and a sweetheart….

Scandal in The Feature World:

Imagine that…fixed pageants, extortion missappropriation…hell they fit right into porn…anyway click here for a yuck or 2

http://www.missnudepageants.com/

Heather Writes:

OK South spill it, how did the weekend with tall and hot go, was she as disappointed as you expected, did she see the big weenie?

Sigh…..she spent the week with a male model and whether she did him or not, I never had a chance, the moment I picked her up at the airport it was in her eyes….the lust that manifested itself in chat vanished in thin air. I know I set myself up for that one and even if I had been packing a keilbasa it wouldn’t have mattered.

Ya we had fun, but not that kinda fun.

February 21st, 2005

Not Much Happening in Porn:

Come on guys, help me out do something stupid…..

BT Writes:

Mike: I read the AVN story on Extreme today, and in my view, they just don’t get the issues here.

They write that for the Justice Department, filing an appeal in the Third District must’ve been a tough decision because they have a reputation for being strong on First Amendment issues.

They’re wrong here on two points:

First, Sirkin and Extreme did not make this a First Amendment or obscenity case.

They admitted for the purposes of the prosecution that what Extreme produced was obscene under any definition. So, that’s off the table.

Nor did they argue that obscenity was protected commercial speech under the First Amendment.

Instead, they made this a right to privacy case, just like birth control, consensual homosexual sex and abortion. In effect, they argued for the rights of the consumer to purchase obscene materials.

Here’s why. Under the law, as I understand it, it’s illegal for a company like Extreme to produce obscenity. But within certain limits — child pornography is clearly off the table — it’s not illegal for consumers to possess obscene materials in the privacy of their own home.

There have been several “right to privacy” cases that have found that people have a right to conduct certain acts in the privacy of their own home without the fear of government intrusion. One legalized wide access to birth control; another made abortion legal. More recently, they made homosexual activity legal in Georgia and Texas. And, again, it’s legal to view material that is illegal to produce in your own home, within limits.

What I think Sirkin argued, and what the Judge found, is that if people have a right to own and enjoy those materials, then Extreme must have the right to produce them. It’s not that the First Amendent protects Extreme’s right to produce them on some freedom of expression grounds. It’s that by denying Extreme the right to produce them, you’re denying the private consumer the right to view material that he or she is legally entitled to view.

Extreme did not make this an obscenity case or a First Amendment case. That’s why I think Sirkin was so brilliant.

The second place where they’re wrong is when they state that the Third District has a history of strong First Amendment rulings. Just not the case. To the contrary, the Third District actually has a history of being fairly hostile to the press, at least when it comes to libel and defamation cases, which is where the First Amendment normally comes up. They’re a fairly pro-plaintiff court, meaning they tend to side with the poor guy who thinks he was libeled by the media.

But again, as argued by Sirkin, this wasn’t about the First Amendment. It was about the right to privacy.
Writer Hunter S Thompson Dead At 67 Of Self Inflicted Gunshot Wound:

“On February 20, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson took his life with a gunshot to the head at his fortified compound in Woody Creek, Colorado,” said a statement issued by Thompson’s son, Juan Thompson, to the Aspen Daily News as reported by the Denver Post.

Read Hunters Last Story Here!

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?id=1992213

 

February 17th, 2005

Rob Black Dismissal To Be Appealed:

Gee imagine that…I was right…..Now what are the odds that Judge Lawrences dismissal will be upheld on appeal? Slim and None.

Sardonicus from TBP Forums Pens A Song For Rob:

Parody of Don McLean’s American Pie - redux

A long, long time ago
I could still remember
how his predilection made him vile
Yet he knew if he had his chance
that he could shoot in their parlance
and maybe he’d be happy for a while
Most of the folks in Pennsylvania
swears that porn will only stain ya
They charged with mounted horses,
clearly just what Bush endorses
It all seemed rather cut and dried
although the boy’s yet to be fried
But something touched us deep inside
the day Bush turned the tide. So…

“Bye, bye Extreme” the Valley had sighed
their ass is heavy from the levy as the levy was high
And them good ol’ boys were flaming Rob as he cried
singing: Robby ain’t it time you were tried?
Robby ain’t it time ya got fried?

Did he write the book on porn
and does he have faith in the girls he scorned?
if Gene Ross tells him so…
And did he believe in Karma too?
the result from drama that’s ensued
but can he face his fans now and the truth?
Well it seems that Rob’s obsessed with hate
with pseudo-rape depictions on video tape
Too late to be singing the blues
but it was his choice to choose
He’s just a lonely loser spending daddy’s buck
with a failing business - no one gives a fuck
We all knew he was out of luck
the day Bush turned the tide.

(repeat chorus)

Now for some time his product was condoned
and his IQ won’t leave well enough alone
that combination was scaring me
Then Rob Black sang on the CBC
dellusional man he truly thinks he’s free
there were echoes from the peanut gallery
Oh and while LFP was looking down
he tried to steal Flynt’s thorny crown
The courts had all adjourned
Lancaster’s verdict had been returned
And while South and others threw the book at Black
tarnished now as a deviant hack
Just hope and pray he won’t come back
it’s clear the Supreme will decide.

They were singin…

(repeat chorus)

Helter Skelter in a fallout shelter
evidence of scenes where they seemed to belt her
five minutes of fame and fading fast
It’s the plan that got rammed up his ass
his players tried for a punters’ pass
with Black proselytizing as if in Mass
Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
while the Valley played a marching tune
Rob & Liz got up to dance
oh but they never got the chance
Oh as Rob tried to take the field
he was informed Lancaster was appealed
do you recall what was revealed the day Bush turned the tide?

He started singin…

(Chorus repeat)

Oh and there we were all in one space
to watch a train wreck taking place
with no time left to start again
So come on, Rob be nimble, Rob be quick
But Rob Black sat on a candle stick
because fire is the devil’s only friend
Oh and as he watched Lou on his stage
as he deftly danced and turned the page
But the saint who defended hell
could not break Bush’ spell
As Rob’s self-esteem fell through the night
to light the sacrificial rite
I saw people laughing with delight, the day they turned the tide.

They were singin…

(repeat chorus)

Rob met some guy who sang the blues
and he asked him for some happy news
but he just smiled and turned away
He logged on to some web log site
where he’d post the gospel and preach his fight
but the host there said the site would not display
And in the streets the faithful screamed
his supporters cried, in disarray they seemed
But not a word was spoken
the Extreme bells were broken
And the three men he admires most
Satan, Manson, and Stalin’s ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
the day Bush burned his hide

And they were singin…

(repeat chorus)

02/16/2005

Mark From TBP Forum Sends This:

I’m A Porn Star! (I Am Woman)

I’m a porn star, not a whore
with a bust size too big to ignore
and I’m never gonna do DP again
My ruptured asshole’s mighty sore
and I’ve been down there on the floor
no one can tell me now how high to jump or when

Oh yes I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
A dilated anus I have gained
If I have to, I will do anything
I’ll take it long (long)
I am convincible (convincible)
I’m a porn star!

You can bend but never shake me
no more cherries left to break me
More determined to avoid the nation’s dole
And I’ve come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
’cause you’ve deepened up my crevice with your pole

Oh yes I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
many bed sheets I have stained
If I have to, I will do anything
I’ll take it long (long)
I am convincible (convincible)
I’m a porn star!

I’m a porn star watch me grow
from all the punters that I’ll blow
As I spread my lovin’ legs across the land
And I’ll never let it show
my deep resentments way down lo
At least until my agent makes contract demands

Oh yes I am wise
they pay me large now for pain
Yes, they’ve paid my price
with shares of Pampers in my name
If I have to, I will do anything
I’ll take it long (long)
I am convincible (convincible)
I’m a porn star!

I can just hear wankus singing this at PSK now…. and the forum is actually a funny place to hang out…check it out..lotsa porners there

 

February 15th, 2005

Don Writes:

For the Love of God South PLEASE put up more pictures of Tiffany, she is the most stunning girl I have ever seen, nobody in porn is worthy to even hold her tampon.

OKOKOK…Jeez…Click Here for more

It’s Been A Tough year For Pat Myne:

Metro owes him 40K he says…Stormy is divorcing him for Mike Moz…..shit and February aint even over….

February 14th, 2005

Shooting HiDef:

I love the guys chiming in on this whole hi def thing….heres a few thoughts:

John Stagliano said he didn’t think people wanted to see porn chicks in THAT much detail. That one amused me, see High def is roughly about 2000×1000 pixels. Well welcome to the world of porn on the net John, we have been shoooting 2 times that resolution and higher for years, you guys may not know how to light a set for that kind of resolution but lots of us do.

Which brings me to the lighting aspect, it is a lot different, flat lighting will not be very complimentary to the performers in High def, those imperfections are gonna be a lot more visible.

But the funniest thing to me is how many people in porn cant even shoot with a standard DV camera, you guys see it all the time and you just figure its bad framing and it is, but it isnt bad because the guy cant frame the shot, it’s bad because he doesn’t know what he is doing. See he may be framing the shot perfectly in terms of looking at his little flip out viewfinder but what he doesn’t know is that what he sees is NOT what he is getting. Theres a thing every editor knows about called a “safe zone” The safe zone is what actually shows up on a standard TV. and its not the same as what the cameraman sees on his on camera screen, its smaller, that’s why you see feet chopped off and tops of heads in what should be a wide shot, the cameraman thinks he has em in there.

How does this translate to HiDef? well if they can’t shoot standard DV, Hi Def isn’t going to be any easier.

True what JimmyD and Quaz say about Hi-Def players not being available (only computers and computer derived players can play high def) but truth is everyone in the cable and PPV biz wants Hi-Def so its a good time to be shooting it. Now say what you will about the Sony FX HDV camera but it or its descendants will almost certainly become the defacto high def camera for porn.

Now whats all this mean to porn, it’s best summed up this way….remember some guy once said that if you gave 1000 monkeys 1000 typewriters in 1000 years they would bang out the complete works of Shakespere..or something like that….

Just because you give those 1000 monkeys much more sophisticated typewriters (like word processors) doesn’t mean they will type all that shakespere any faster….figure it out.

Sometimes This Job Really Doesn’t Suck:

Thats my friend Tiffany, you may recognize her from back in the summer when I took some pics of her when she was in Mexico Beach with me. I have said many times that I didn’t think there was any such thing as a 10. Tiffany is probably as close as anyone will ever get. She is all natural, no tats, flawless and a real pleasure to work with. I shot these photos to get her into the Hooters Calendar.

One thing I can say about Tiffany is that no matter what I tell her to do (like wear red lipstick) she may voice protest once but when I tell her to do it anyway she trusts my judgement and I think the pictures speak for themselves. She is truly a pleasure to be around.

Even in this line of work it’s rare that I get the opportunity to shoot a girl as pretty as this one.

Tiffany reads this site and she loves feedback so if you feel so inclined email me and I will pass your comments along.

For more pics of Tiffany (These are raw unedited shots) CLICK HERE

Thanks Tiffany Yer the BEST Baby…You know I love ya!

Happy Valentines Day

In The Interest Of Keeping You Guys OUT of The Doghouse:

Tim Case and I have the TOP TEN List of things NOT to give Your Girlfriend for Valentines Day:

10. A gift Certificate to Jiffy Lube
9. Tickets to “the Big Game”
8. A Bowling Ball
7. A Sybian
6. A Fishing Rod
5. A subscription to Hustler
4. A membership to a swingers club
3. Crotchless Panties
2. A Saddle
1. “Contract Star”

Porns Favorite Metal Band Won a Grammy Last Night:

That’d be fixture Lemmy Killmister and Motorhead for best Metal Performance.

 

February 11th, 2005

The Whole Package:

I gotta call from a buddy of mine last week. Said he was gonna be in L.A. and didn’t know a soul there, he wanted me to come out and have some fun. From anyone else I’d be suspicious that all he wanted was to meet porn chicks, not this guy though.

Where ever he goes, girls throw themselves at him, seriously. He has recently been a model for Karl Lagerfeld, a Playgirl Centerfold, been on billboards in Times Square, National Magazines, Catalogs, you name it. The fucker is hot, I know guys that readily admit it too, and if yer a guy…to look at another guy andd be able to say oh ya, that fucker is good looking….well he is.

So he wants me to hang out in L.A. with him, I told him I’d sooner get Ebola than to go to L.A. but I offered to hook him up with some cool people who’d show him some fun times.

So I call a friend in L.A. and she says sure, sounds like fun, he can hang with me and my girlfriend. So my friend has her girlfriend IM me, I see some pics, the girlfriend is tall, hot, brunette, hot, blue eyes, hot, did I mention she is hot? I chat with the girlfriend for a little while and she just flat out enamores me, I mean she is quick, hot, witty, hot, funny, hot, and she is a doll, so much so that I get a wild hair and invite her to join me in Mexico Beach next weekend, never really thinking she would accept. She does accept.

She is flying into Atlanta on a red eye Thurs night, I am going to pick her up at the airport and we will drive to Mexico Beach for the weekend for the annual gumbo festival there.

Now suddenly I realize I have a problem, just at that time Fifi Calls. Felicia knows the model guy, so does Tim Case. I tell Fifi the tale of impending doom. I mean this hot girl is going to spend the week hangin out with my buddy. If he were shallow and dumb It wouldn’t bother me as much but he isn’t. In addition to being good looking as all hell he is smart, articulate, intelligent and very funny. After a week almost of hanging with him this girl is going to come face to face with ME. I can’t imagine the disappointment she will be in for…I mean how am I going to make any kind of impression after that? Show her my LVNI branded sex toys with my photo on em? This fucker has pictures in a Karl Lagerfeld shot coffee table book….

Fifi listened intently. When I stopped there was a long pause. Then Fifi says…”You have a big weenie”