October 31st, 2005

I Knew Harry Couldn’t Resist…23 More Things You Wont Ever Hear Mike South Say:

Men should stay at home and raise the kids.

Jesse Jane would look much sexier with smaller breasts.

Women are rational and intelligent.

Let me explain the Dewey Decimal system once more.

Orange is the new pink.

Three hours is just right for a sermon.

I was wrong.

I fear for my immortal soul.

AVN is a bastion for fair and honest reporting.

You are much smarter than me.

TV shows like Hee Haw and Dukes of Hazard are banal.

I can’t wait to try indoor plumbing.

Can’t we just cuddle?

Yes Mistress, can I have another?

Sushi is for eatin’, not for bait.

Bennigan’s is for losers.

I respect her for her mind.

Sex with farm animals is just not right.

I’m tired of trailer park life.

Luke Ford and my sister would make a cute couple.

I’m glad me and Adella are just friends.

Tha’ts been lying on the road way too long to be edible.

Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

October 29th, 2005

Well The Sun Don’t Shine On The Same Dog’s Ass Everyday:

Today A-Dell is in RARE form

39 Things You’ll Never Hear Mike South Say….
39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won’t fix that.

37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.

35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can’t feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.

30. Wrasslin’s fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We’re vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don’t need another dog.

24. Who’s Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Walmart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I’ve got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.

11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

09. Checkmate.

08. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.

07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

06. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.

05. I don’t have a favorite college team.

04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

01. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin tonight.

And Then She adds some she forgot:

Do you think there are too many fish guts on my t-shirt to wear during AVN?

I think she does bukkakes for the money.

I think the Skynyrd plane crash was an accident
OK Have at it Harry Weiss, you know you want in on this…

October 28th, 2005

I Hate To Do IT 2 Days In A Row But She Earned It:

Goddess Writes:

(3 a.m.) It’s that time of year again, kids. That time of year when the leaves change colors, the air gets nippy and AVN pretends that coming up with nominations for their awards is almost as difficult and time consuming as drafting the Iraqi constitution. They have a picture of a huge pile of vids on their blog, along with the comment, “And that’s just the mountain of discs we went through today.”
Give up the melodrama, people.
You’re not going off to war.
You’re not finding a cure for cancer.
You’re sitting on your asses watching sex videos all day.
If that’s too taxing for ya, I believe the Dairy Queen is hiring.

OK THAT is FUNNY!

Sue The Bastids!:

Bornyo Thinks that in addition to PornOhs.com suggesting that Kurt Lockwood might be a little light in his loafers, the guys at PornOhs.com should be sued for ruining the ending to “Catherine” For those of you who don’t know what in the hell I am talking about click the link and read PornOhs, it’s the best satire in porn.

As for Kurt, he threatened legal action against PornOhs but that’s OK Lockwood, with your sixth grade education you probably had no idea that satire is protected free speech…You and Talon make a cute couple though….do you hold hands when you skip to the gym?

OK who can I piss off next?

October 27th, 2005

Harriet Miers Steps Down But Goddess Got It:

I’ve heard a lot of talk about Harriet Miers’ nomination to the Supreme Court. People are pissed because they feel she isn’t experienced or she’s too evasive about her stand on various issues, such as abortion. Not ONE person is touching on the REAL problem here: that damnable black eyeliner she wears. NOT ONLY does she wear it on the top lid, but on the bottom lid, too! What woman her age does that? Oh, I could see if she was a stripper or starring in Cum Sucking Grannies, but neither is the case, so enough is enough, Harriet!! She’s not fit to sit on the Supreme Court because if she can’t even clearly see the bad makeup on her own face, how is she going to clearly see each situation that comes before the court? It sends terrible chills up my spine just think–oops, I forgot to shut the window. Never mind about the chills, but the eyeliners still gotta go.

This is why when I don’t feel like writing I get her to do it…damn, that’s funny.

October 26th, 2005

All I Can Say Is WOW!:

The response to the new DVD on demand site has been phenomenal! Seems you guys like the idea and so far everything is running very smoothly. Thanks and in return for your support I am going to keep the prices at the beta test level for at least another week.

Porners Are Boring Here Lately:

Used to be I could always count on y’all to do something retarded, stupid, amusing and generally comment worthy….but here lately it seems we have either gotten smarter or a lot more wary. Personally I think it’s a lot more wary…too many sites ready to shine a light on ya when ya fuck up…That and the fact that porn chicks hook is no longer news…

 

October 24th, 2005

Pure Play Media Needs A Salesperson For Private USA Products:

(CHATSWORTH, CA) One of the leading distributors of quality adult entertainment, Pure Play Media, has an excellent employment opportunity for the right candidate. Applicants for this sales position will be dealing primarily with the Private Media Group. Good communication skills a must, qualified applicants must be proficient in Excel and Word. The ideal candidate will have adult industry experience and contacts.

Please send resume and salary requirements to cjelin@pureplaymedia.com

Tampa Show Moments:

As I think back on the Tampa Show I gotta few highlights that bear mentioning:

One was meeting Scott from Eyeonadult.com he was a worthy replacement for an absent Tim Case and a funny and cool dude.

Getting 86′d from a shitty strip club was kinda cool too…Fuck Vegas showgirls in Clearwater.

Going on my first date with Kelly Taylor ranked right up there, specially since we ended up taking Jes and Beater with us.

Staging a peaceful sit in at the pool when a night manager with hallway monitor syndrome tried to make us leave before the agreed on 4AM time….She obviously hadn’t contacted the management of the Wyndham Harbor Island to ask what we were capable of….but we won this one without even peeing on anything.

A conversation with a chick bartender at Tampa Gold Club..

Bartender ( who was hot in that MILFy way): I can’t believe you have had sex with all those girls, should sex be something special?

Me: It is something special, it was special every damn time

Bartender: Aren’t you afraid you might not go to heaven?

Me: Well I would have to believe in Heaven and Hell first

Bartender: Well I believe in heaven and I am going to pray to God that you go to heaven because I just know you are a good fuck.

Being talked into buying www.feministbukkake.com by a a chick…they really are way sicker than us guys are…

Going to dessert Saturday night after our signing with Jesse Jane…she is just too much fun and so adoreable.

Bringing the house down at the show Sunday night, the audience was asleep until me Haley, Cheyenne and Giga got on stage and got the DJ playing some rock and roll and left the audience screaming and wanting more…the look on Ron Jeremys face when we came off stage said it all….We rocked! Thanks Tampa!

Luke Ford BUTCHERING The Beatles Strawberry Fields ( which is a suck ass song anyway) at pornstar karaoke

Rita Faltyano dancing on stage near the end of the show Sunday night, EVERYONE was speechless…damn that girl is hot…fuck you Tommy Gunn for being married to THAT!

And Finally accepting the first annual “Adella Award” on Adella’s behalf that was an honor!

 

October 22nd, 2005

By The Time You Read This:

I will have been quoted in the Pittsburg newspaper (the Post-Gazette I think) on The Rob Zacari, (Rob Black) case. in short I told the reporter that yes I think Rob should be in jail, for any number of reasons including fraud, bouncing checks, assualt, sexual assualt, sexual battery and probably just plain being stupid, but last I checked theres no law against the last one. I also noted that I do not think he should be in jail for obscenity.

When told that Mary Beth Buchanon was personally offended by the material and that she takes this case very personal I pointed out that I am offended that Mary Beth is offended and last I checked neither of us has any right whatsoever to not be offended.

We shall see…I predict the court will overturn his dismissal and eventually he will stand trial, but it’s gonna be a long time.

Ren writes:

Mike,

Over the years, there have been rumors and a few outright accusations about the way Max Hardcore treats women, with no effort on anyone’s part to document his actions or collect evidence. But let him mistreat a single sheet of plywood, and the porn detectives are on the job. Clearly, he’s not going to get away with it this time. His fatal mistake was using a Sharpie to write on the plywood. Instead, he should have put lipstick around the purported shotgun hole, stapled girly clothes to the plywood, and told everyone it was a new, inexperienced girl who had just entered porn and didn’t know enough not to work for him. That would have fooled everyone into thinking it was OK. A video of Max peeing on the plywood would have added versimilitude. A posting on XXXPornTalk from the plywood’s new agent attacking the plywood’s old agent for sending helpless, naive plywood to work with Max would have removed any lingering doubts that it was anything other than porn-business as usual.

Let’s put this in perspective. The raid wasn’t the theater of disaster that the FBI performed at Waco and Ruby Creek. The worst that happened was that an inept agent accidently discharged a firearm inside someone’s house. The only harm is the cost to Max of repairing his floor, which is probably much less than the cost of restoring his business to order after the FBI seized his computers and failed to return them. Having himself photographed with the plywood was a nice bit of self-promotion, but it won’t affect that outcome of any case the goverment may decide to bring against him.

And some more perspective: According to Max Hardcore, two of his employees were at the house during the raid and heard the gun go off. The workmen who repaired the floor saw the damage. The plywood is the least important evidence for the shotgun blast. If his employees heard the blast, it doesn’t matter if Max found another piece of plywood and doctored it to make it look like a shotgun blast. Witnesses heard it, witnesses saw the hole in the floor, so it happened. On the other hand, if his employees didn’t hear the shotgun being discharged, Max could shoot his floor himself with a shotgun and it wouldn’t matter. If no witnesses heard it happen during the FBI raid, then the FBI didn’t do it.

So the important evidence is what witnesses saw and heard, not the condition of a piece of plywood that Max may have tampered with.

Some people have seized on the details of Max’s story and his picture and tried to make a case that Max doctored the plywood. The accusation is that the details don’t add up, so the support for the accusation has to get the details right. It’s the details that count.

I know zip about shotguns. It’s been years since I fired one, I wasn’t shooting at plywood, and I didn’t hit anything anyway. So rather than display my nonexistent knowledge about what a shotgun hole should look like, I’ll take a different approach. When a bullet strikes and penetrates some sort of material, the appearance of the hole is determined by the material the bullet is made of, the material the bullet strikes, the speed of the bullet, and the angle at which it strikes, along with other factors. In order to match the conditions under which the shotgun was discharged during the raid, a test would have to meet the following conditions:

1) The shotgun shell would have to be reasonably close to the one fired by the FBI agent, in terms of charge and projectiles.
2) It would have to be held at the same angle as the FBI agent was holding his shotgun.
3) It would have to be the same distance from the surface as the FBI agent’s shotgun was from the floor.
4) Before hitting the plywood, it would have to strike the same type of flooring surface as Max uses in his house.
5) After penetrating the flooring surface, it would have to strike the same type of plywood as that used in Max’s subflooring.

The case of plywood assault and battery made against Max sets up a standard of nitpickery that the test you posted fails to meet. The fact that Bornyo used 1/2 inch plywood instead of 3/4 inch plywood probably doesn’t matter much, but the overall failure to match the details of the original shotgun discharge invalidates this attempt to impeach the least important evidence for an insignificant aspect of a government investigation that could, potentially, lead to driving the entire porn industry out of the US.

While we’re putting effort into investigating the spiritually profound enigma that is Max Hardcore, perhaps we can move on to the question: Why the hell does anyone ever look at a Max Hardcore video anyway?

Ren Galskap

 

October 21st, 2005

Tampa Show Pics are HERE!

Tampa Show Pics are HERE!

They will cost you a one time charge of 5.00, theres no recurring and no cancelling or any BS. It’s just that there’s 1200 + photos and if y’all all start downloading and looking at them Im gonna get killed in bandwidth charges.

The pics are 800×600 format and when you purchase you will immediately be sent a downlaod link in your email for the .ZIP file of all the photos.

If you are a porn PR person or a performer who was at the nightmoves show I will send you the pics but you better be able to get a 107 megabyte file in yer email or supply me with an FTP server, and no you may NOT use them on your website unless you ask me first. You may however use pics that YOU are in without asking. So why not just pay the 5 bucks…it’s worth it ;)

You will also notice that there are about 30 fully DVD encoded porn scenes on there as well for 5 bucks each, feel free to purchase those as well but remember this is full DVD and the files are large so you MUST have a high speed connection to realistically download them and that doesnt mean DSL lite.

I want to test this new store so the price is low and if you guys have any problems at all with the downloads, the billing, anything…email me. After the testing period the price on the videos will go up.

Understand the video is identical in quality to what you buy in a video store, this isnt cheesy ass VOD at 400K bits, its full screen full blown DVD at 4000Kbits.

I really want to know what you think about this…Thanks Y’all!

October 21st, 2005

Remember The Tampa Show from 2 Years Ago, The One I Wrote About Here?:

Well it was all documented on tapeand is now available for purchase HERE at the low price of 24.99 on DVD. I highly recommend it. This is not some bullshit girls gone wild shot with shitty video and audio, this is a documentary that has been shown at film festivals…check it out.

 

October 18th, 2005

Today is the Day The Goverment Attempts To Re-Instate It’s Case Against Rob Black:

Watch for information on the appeal.

OK Time To Have A Look See..Bornyo Did Some Shootin This Weekend.:

OK CLEARLY Maxs hole was NOT made with a shotgun shooting buckshot or with a 45, the closest match is the slugbut if you look closely at the patterns left in wood where the slug entered…all of the pulling up of the wood is in the direction of travel, now look at Max’s photo below…the wood is pulled up in EVERY direction, this is totally inconsistant with a bullet entry, even a slug. With the help of the guys at thesmokinggun.com I have requested a copy of the warrant used to gain entry into Casa Max….It’s almost certainly sealed but I will let yall know…

And My Buddy Scott Writes Over on Eyeonadult.com: (Give this site a look its one of the best written in porn)

When I, Captain Scott McGowan (Yarrrr, matey), gaze out upon the seas though my telescope with my single eye and spy upon the rumbling maritime battle between the Federal Armada and the rag tag Adult Industry Navy, I sometimes find myself wondering how many of these battles are necessary despite their results.

I also find myself wondering which are the true freedom fighters, which are plain stupid or suicidal, and which ones are only there to boost sales and gain exposure through their battles.

At present, I’m not seeing a lot of true freedom fighters. There’s the Free Speech Coalition who’s leading the challenge against the new 2257 regulations which I find admirable and just. Then of course there are the poor bastards on the adult retail end. Ya know who I’m talking about; those schleps that are facing prison time for selling relatively mainstream erotica and sex toys. Those are the guys that are really getting the shaft in my view. Especially when it’s a clerk that’s taking the rap.

And then ya have the likes of Rosie at red-rose-stories.com whose offices were raided by the FBI 10 days ago. As I’m left to understand it, the stories on Rosie’s website are gonna be tough to defend as it appears the bulk of the erotic literature on her site concentrated on such themes as pedophilia, scat, and bestiality. While I can find it justifiable in my own heart to write about such things and fantasize about them so long as the fantasies aren’t acted out (particularly the writings on pedophilia) dare I say that I’m confounded to understand how anyone would broadcast such things through any media type without expecting an obscenity prosecution. While I personally defend Rosie’s right to fantasize in print, I can’t help but find myself asking how she could be so blind to be unable to see the writing on the wall. It prevents me from feeling a lot of sympathy for her plight and while I wish her the best, I keep hearing the words in my head, “you had it comin’.”

I hear the same words in my head as it pertains to Max Hardcore, but as I’m sure you can guess it isn’t for the same reasons. In Max’s case, I can only imagine that nearly everything he does is in the name of the Almighty Dollar and very little to do with patriotism, the defense of the 1st Amendment, or the good of the adult industry at large.

On a free tour of Max’s Website, you’ll find the words, “I force girls to drink my piss, fist-fuck them, ream their asses, and drill their throats until they puke! I don’t give a fuck who they are, where they came from, or how old they are!”

Now if that isn’t an invitation for an investigation, I dunno what is.

It’s my view that Max wants to be investigated and indicted. While I don’t know Max personally, care for his product, or think a lot of the people I’ve met that do enjoy his product, I know enough about Max to know that he’s as savvy as they come in the business department and knows how to manipulate things to his advantage. I can applaud him for that. He knows damn well that controversy boosts sales if only by way of the public’s morbid curiosity. However, it’s also my opinion that he’s no freedom fighter, no real defender of our liberties, and is ultimately only out for himself and his own gain.

Take into account his sensational story about the Feds blasting a hole through his floor with a shotgun (see article and pic at AVN.com). Mike South and I spoke about this the other day and as guys who have actually fired shotguns in our lives, we know full well that the 12 gauge battle shotguns used by federal agents would have easily blown a hole in the floor nearly as large as the entire piece of plywood he’s holding. In other words, it reeks of bullshit, but it’s a damn good story to tell, ain’t it? Makes the FBI look like a bunch of Barney Fife’s and Max a victim to the uneducated observer, huh?

Poor Max. Always being picked on.

For the record, Mike suggests the hole in the plywood is from a sunken crowbar. I think he just may be right.

Anyway folks, my point is that while its important for all of us to do our part to protect the fundamental liberties our forefathers blessed us with, we also have to be careful not to buy into a lot of the rah-rah shit out there. Just because someone gets raided or indicted it doesn’t mean they automatically become a hero fighting for yours or anyone else’s rights.

In fact, a lot of those people may be doing you more harm than good when it’s all said and done.

-Scott McGowan

Dirty Bob Writes:

SOUTHEAD DISEASE RUNS RAMPANT IN FLORIDA!

Tampa, FL - The Tampa Tribune has issued a health advisory for the entire Tampa Bay area for Southeus Headimus, a germ known to gestate in ampits of sexually active women whose epidermal skin layer has, at any time in the past year, been soaked in any substance resulting from bukkake activity. This germ, once fully grown, causes a growth to appear (see picture). Miss Sharon Mitchell of the AIM clinic in California, when asked about this particular disease, said it was “…a major catastrophe which will undoubtedly cause the adult industry to come to a complete halt - but keep coming in for your tests, folks - I need–I mean, WE need the money. It is an ugly, ugly disease.” The CDC in Atlanta has acknowledged that this can be traced to a culture scraped from a deflated inflatable Jacuzzi which was recently damaged by what appears to be some sort of battery-powered chair or scooter driven by a homeless person who stayed in the resident’s summer home while the resident was in Tampa meditating on the nipples of young women who were walking around in a daze and unaware that they were contracting the virus due to their Southern Exposure.