10. A porn director in the managers office

9. Stripper karaoke, the strippers have to dance to what the customers sing…It tortures them.

8. Beer Nazi Bartenders, word is if you drink more than 2 Redbulls they will cut you off.

7. Lushus

6. A stripper known as “The Bag Lady” (Don’t laugh though she makes mad money)

5.  Ed Adimey

4.  8… count em 8…. knocked up peelers

3. Guitar hero night (even better than karaoke)

2. Black Peelers dancing to System of a down

1. Strippers getting tasered in the parking lot

As I watch the coverage of the upcoming Iowa caucases it’s pretty evident that Hillary is clearly looking to milk the national tragedy in Pakistan for all it is worth, riding the dead body of Bhuto into the White House.

But she isn’t the only one,  Guiliani is trying to ride 3000 dead Americans into the same domicile.

What sad statement.

Thats right I’m back in Dayton, to celebrate the new year with my buddies up here. If ya wanna see me live and in person Im at Flamingo Showclub on North Dixie most every night after 9 PM

Thanks to Goddess for that….ahem…..  warm heartfelt birthday post.

Yes I turned 50….jeez I feel old

But i got a nice birthday surprise, I heard from someone I thought was gone for good….Melissa Hill….

She still looks stunning too….

Aite Den I will see if I can’t collect some stripper quotes or something.

Hey, all, it’s Goddess. I got on the computer long enough Christmas Day to check my email, glance at my stats and to get hoodwinked into writing South’s update for him.  Oh, the IM’s always start out innocently enough.  “Merry Christmas!” Yeah, I suckered for that one. Then just as quickly, he had to leave because he was feeding the elderly. I guess that’s what he meant by “the old lady.“ But Santa was very good to me and he gave me that 2 carat diamond ring that I‘ve paid for in blowjobs, so I’m in a generous mood.

We know South was born today, so let’s go back…back…back…in time and see what other *great* (cough, cough) things happened on December 26th, 1957. Let’s check Wikipedia first. They’re always hella reliable. Ok, on this date 50 years ago, Pearl Harbor was bombed,  President Johnson declared a “war on poverty,” and Britney Spears gave birth to her first son. BullSHIT.  Any idiot knows Sean Preston was born in September! Damn, that reminds me. I better get my “Remember Pearl Harbor” clip art up before the day ends. I don’t want to appear unpatriotic.

In 1957, gas was only 24 cents a gallon, Elvis purchased Graceland and proceeded to put the “ack!” in “tacky.”  The Cat in the Hat was released, Pat Boone’s “April Love” was the number one song, and somewhere in Georgia, poor Kathy Strother was attempting to push Mike and his massive ego down the birth canal. That moment marks the last time South’s ego was under control.

I remember once when I was talking with Kathy, I asked her about that day. She said, “That was one of the happiest days of my life.”
I said, “Because it’s the day your son was born?”
And she laughed and said, “Heavens, no! Because it was the day they gave me drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.“ Amen to that.

I wrote some of this last night and I thought I would sleep on it, because I was sure I would wake up with something BRILLIANT to say about South. Mmm, either I shouldn’t have drank Jack Daniels before bedtime or there just isn’t anything brilliant to say about the man.  I did hear that South is heading North for his birthday, so if you should run into him at some respectable strip club and you have the urge to hit on him, here’s a list of his favorite topics: himself, babies, fluoridation, politics, himself, Jebus, himself, saving the whales and little baby seals, himself and himself.

BTW, I think it’s a pretty sad day when South is reduced to posting meme’s. There’s something so incredibly gay about that, and if he starts sharing his “feelings,“ I’m outta here. But I got a kick out of a couple of his responses, such as:  Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?
Sandy (F) I shot her a long time ago
Well, I’m guessing he only winged her because she’s still around and still speaking to him.
I liked this one, too:
Where are you right now?
In my office/edit suite/computer room
Edit SUITE?!  That’s tantamount to me calling my trailer an “estate”.

And in conclusion–WAIT! Something brilliant just occurred to me–Happy birthday, old man!

The lovely and talented Goddess of Oddness will be doing my update

YAY!

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?

I have a truck and it has a bag of garbage in it till I take it to the dumpster tomorrow

2. When was the last time you threw up?

Don’t remember, Thank God  been a long time

3. What’s your favorite curse word?

Fuck, it’s just so damn versatile

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?

Chevy Chase( I watched Christmas Vacation)

Autumn

Adella

5. What were you doing at 8 a.m. this morning?
What any normal porner is doing at 8AM … sleeping

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Watching Natural Born Killers.

7. Where were you born?

St Joe’s Hospital Atlanta, GA

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?

Oh ya, LOTS of em

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
I love you too and Bye (to Autumn on the phone)

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?

Ben and Jerrys Chocolate chip cookie dough

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Iced Tea (sweet with lemon)

12. What are you wearing right now?

MBARA Tshirt (Mexico Beach Artificial Reef Association) and khakis

13. What was the last thing you ate?

Popcorn

14. Have you bought any new clothes this week?

I bought some stockings and lingerie from victorias secret (not for me you idiots for my models who never have them that arent raggedy looking

15. Where were you last?

Lake Oconee at my dads (last night)

16. What’s the last sporting event you watched?

No idea

17. Who won?

Who cares

18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on myspace?

Sandy (F) I shot her a long time ago

19. Ever go camping?

Not if there’s a Hilton

20. Where do you live?

Doraville (Touch of country in the city) GA

21. What song are you listening to?

Nikelback/Kid Rock - Saturday night’s Alright For Fighting

22. Do you have a tan?

yep I spray it on every few days

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?

sometimes

25. What did your last text message say?

hit me up tomorrow

26. Who’s your best friend?

My little brother but I got LOTS that are like family too many to name

27. What are you doing tomorrow?

picking up a family member at the airport

28. Where is your mom right now?

At home asleep

29. Look to your right, what do you see?

my laptop, my camera bag, a HiDef Camera a Canon i9900 printer, some minidv tapes

30. What color is your watch?

Silver when I wear one

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?

The Great Barrier Reef, The Outback

32. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?

Lots of em

33. What is your birthstone?

No idea

34. Do you go in at a fast-food place or just hit the drive through?

Drive through.

35. What is your favorite number?

whatever will win the next multi state lotto

36. Do you have a dog?

no

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?

Autumn

38. Have you met anyone famous?

Oh Ya even have carnal knowledge of some and for the record porn people aint famous

39. Any plans today?

Go to sleep technically today is the 24th but I have yet to go to bed so to me its still the 23rd

40. How many states have you lived in?

GA, FL, TN, AL

41. Ever go to college?

UA Huntsville

42. Where are you right now?

In my office/edit suite/computer room

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?

Whoever keeps leaving death threats on my door

44. Last song listened to?

Saturday nights Alright nickelback/Kid Rock

45. Are you in love with someone right now?

Ya, me

46. Are you allergic to anything?

Coconut, Penicillin, Bible Thumpers who won’t mind their own business

47. Favorite pair of shoes?

cheap pair of solid white dock shoes

48. Are you jealous of anyone?

Hell no

49. Is anyone jealous of you?

Probably….I think those bible thumpers are

51. Do you love anyone?

Ya Me and all my friends and family

52. Do any of your friends have children?

Lots of em

53. Do you eat healthy?

about half and half, not as healthy as I should but way moreso than I used to

54. What do you usually do during the day?

get up around 11, check emails, shower, make iced tea. go to the grocery store do website stuff.

55. Do you hate anyone right now?

Honestly fuck yes I do, I hate the cocksuckers in Washington DC ruining this country and running rough shod over the Constitution.  I hate people who think they have a right to force their will on me

56. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?

Only when I answer the phone

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

50 in two days 12/26

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?

Many Times

60. How did you get one of your scars?

Spinal Surgery last Feb

61. What do you want for Christmas?

To go to Dayton and see my friends there. and if yer giving a thousand new members to my website would be SWEET!

Then I figured out what it is:

I mean the holidaze just ain’t the holidaze widdout A-Dell

So happy holidaze to you and yours, whatever you celbrate

That’s the word I get, is that she is in Vegas getting married, anyone know to whom?

Talk to me Monstar

I want everyone to know I didn’t have a funnybonectomy. My funny bone is intact and remains where’s it’s always been.

According to Tim Case, I ceased being funny when I cut my hair. But my hair is again as long as it once was and I’m as funny as ever. (Not that I wasn’t funny with short hair… I was just a different kind of funny. A drier funny. Sorta like the heat in Las Vegas versus the heat L.A.) Also, none of my parts require reinsertion although some of them need occasional help: At my age, for instance, a bit of THC helps the old blood to flow South.

But then, most of the meatpuppets in this business need the same kind of help and then some, right? I’m aware that has nothing to do with me being funny but I mentioned it simply because I could then segue into letting everyone know that I’m even funnier when I’m stoned. (Which, I should add, I’m not… Leastwise,  at the moment I’m not. Stoned, that is.)

Just because I no longer choose to waste my time on the internet being amusing for the thankless masses and the unappreciative asses doesn’t mean I’m no longer funny. I’ve found better ways to waste my time on the internet!  Anyway, I remain, as always, a funny fucking guy.

Certainly way funnier than Harry Weiss! (I didn’t need to actually state that because, well, because everyone who knows me and knows Harry knows the truth when it comes to that lopsided comparison.)  Goddess, BTW, should not be complaining. Instead, she should be offering to either fill my bowl or roll me a doobie just prior to committing fellatio upon me for opening up a spot for her ascension to her current, award-winning, funny status.

JimmyD, Brother, anytime you are feeling funny….feel free to write!

From Her Blog

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. Mike South gave out his “awards” today, and I’m protesting my so-called “win”.
He pretty much lets it be known that if if JimmyD had his funny bone reinserted,
I wouldn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell of winning. I guess I should just be happy
he didn’t bring TimCase into it again. LIKE HE DOES EVERY FREAKING YEAR!!!!
Why doesn’t he just say it like it is?
This is the “if anybody else gave a shit about their blog, you’d lose” award. AND furthermore, I hate when he labels my stuff “chick humor.”
If it was “chick” humor, he wouldn’t get it. Besides, I have more guys reading my stuff than women.
My friend David suggested the term “chick logic” until I informed him there’s no such thing, and to never speak of it again.