I should have stuck to my guns on this one, Paul Fishbein himself told me that AVN had not been sold and I said all along that I felt at most some part of AVN had been sold, but not the magazine.

Michael Fattarosi, Porno Dan, Kevin Blatt and others worked hard to convince me otherwise.

Ultimately I learned that there was a deal to buy part of AVN (probably AVNOnline) for a ridiculously high amount of money.

But the deal was closer to something like this, Francis pitched the sale and Fish being no  fool said hey, you come up with that, we would sell…in other words Show Me The Money. I suspect Fish knew it would never happen.

So Iporn (which wasn’t really a part of the deal, but the company that funded iporn was …adultvest) anyway they started making noise about making the announcement that this part of AVN had been sold during Adult Expo or maybe Internext) BUT….

Funding fell apart as the major investor in Adultvest pulled out of the deal and they failed to make the deadline on the first payment.

So that about sums it up til next years rumors of AVNs sale start circulating.

1. In a down economy, I am much more attractive to women. I felt like Brad Pitt walking through the local “upscale” plaza mall last week while I was Christmas shopping. My advice to men looking to meet women who would ordinarily be out of their league: Walk around a mall carrying a shopping bag. Preferably a bag from Nordstrom or better.

2. I learned from an infomercial in the middle of the night that using moisturizer will dry out my face. Then on the very same channel 30 minutes later I watched another infomercial that said not using enough moisturizer will dry out my face. From there, I switched over to another infomercial and spent my monthly moisturizer budget on a ShamWow where I was promised no leftover moisture whatsoever.

3. Gene Ross doesn’t like AVN and Scott Fayner has admiration for Taylor Rain. There. I saved you some reading for next year.

4. I have been taking advantage of some planned downtime to temporarily relocate to my native northern California and use the away from LA experience to finish up some writing and put the final brainstorm on some unfinished projects. What started out as “just allowing myself to relax for a little while” has turned into a full scale Jim Morrison lost weekend. I have gained so much weight lately up here, I wouldn’t be surprised if David Chase shot a harpoon up my ass from New Jersey in attempt to cast me as an extra in his Sopranos big screener. Suffice it to say, I don’t want to be “the fat guy” walking around AEE this year. I’m skipping Vegas in favor of a treadmill and cardboard flavored Healthy Choice frozen lasagna meals.

5. There is STILL a huge hole in the porn blogosphere without the great Jimmy D.

All the best to Mike, Kayden, Goddess, and you this upcoming new year. May your vaginas stay tight and your wallets even tighter…

Malcolm Gladwell is a downright sexy man. He may not look it but it’s down there lurking, it’s hanging out somewhere deep and undetectable. He’s sexy because he keeps putting books out that draw me in like a lush to a straight shot of whiskey. I can’t get enough of him.

If you’re unfamiliar with Malcolm maybe you remember the runaway best seller “The Tipping Point”, and then the next New York Times success known as “Blink”. I’m currently working on “Outliers”. You can usually find these books on the center displays in airport shops or anywhere that sells books or coffee. He’s that good.

He’s not a mystery writer and he doesn’t put out cheap romance novels that double as porn for women. He likes to write about the real world. His primary interest is in facts, things we rarely pay attention to or take into account but should be aware of nevertheless. He’s the thinking man’s author. Or woman’s. Or pornstar’s. (I gave pornstars their own category because some men and women think they’re better than us).

So here’s what Malcolm taught me today: it takes ten thousand hours to be an expert at anything. Ten thousand hours to be at the top of your game. This applied to Mozart. It applied to Steve Jobs and Bill Gates and The Beatles and Michael Jordan. It applies to concert pianists.

Here’s what worries me: I’m not racking up my 10,000 hours in anything that will pay off by the time I’ve paid my dues. Yeah, it’s nice to be able to suck dick very well, but as a contract girl I’m not putting in hours with any type of efficiency. I do on average one movie per month, 2 scenes per movie, and only 1.5 of those scenes involve dick. Scenes take an hour. So I’m doing an hour and a half of professional dick sucking per month. 18 hours per year. I’m maybe 36 hours in. I have 9, 964 hours to go. By the time I’m an expert I’ll be dead.

And here’s another problem: I’m only getting better at making it look good on camera. Nothing about a scene is helping me make it feel better. It’s not like I’m stopping the scene every five minutes for feedback. A street hooker is going to be the best blowjob hands down. She goes for quantity. The faster she can make someone cum the more money she makes. But the more I think about it the more I think a dirty Vegas stripper would be the best blowjob. Here’s why: A street hooker is theoretically dealing with a client base who doesn’t cum all that often (because aren’t street hookers the last resort on a list of available options?) correct me if I’m wrong)). If they don’t come all that often they’re probably easier to get off. Plus, a street hooker doesn’t necessarily work constantly. She works only as often as she meets someone willing to pay her. Most likely not a straight 8 hour shift.

But a dirty vegas stripper… she’s doing an 8 hour shift if she’s good.  And she has to be very good because she has to get it done under the radar (but only go to an older one because the younger ones haven’t logged their hours yet). Plus she has a larger pool of potential clientele at her fingertips… and they aren’t going to her because she’s a last resort. They’re partying. Who knows what kind of game they have outside of the strip club.

So now that I’ve endorsed tricks in Vegas strip clubs from old dirty strippers based on simple logic let’s get back to how slowly I’m moving towards their level of expertise. I need something else to be an expert at. The only other thing I do regularly is try to look pretty for the camera but once again, by the time I’ve logged 10,000 hours I may be an expert at making the best of how I look but I won’t have the same raw material to work with. And the only other thing I do regularly (according to Mike not regularly enough) is blog. I don’t know how many hours I’ve logged blogging but if you do it a lot the book says it’s about 1,000 hours a year on average. I have 9.3 years to go.

The other thing I do really well is read. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I’m already an expert reader because I’ve definitely logged my 10,000 hours. You need to understand the extent of it–my first detention was for reading during math class. I used to read at recess. I also read during reading class but got in trouble for that too because I wouldn’t be reading the same book the rest of the class was reading because I’d already read it. I’ll read the back of a cereal box if it’s the only printed thing in the English language available.

So right now I can read and in 9.3 year’s time I can blog equally well. I must formulate a future career out of this.

I just didn’t feel like posting this in Kaydens’ Members blog so it might be that the fellow who wrote it won’t get to read my response but truth is I know a lot of people who think like he does. On the one hand he chastises the current generation because of their sense of entitlement on the other hand he proclaims how great things are with the implication that government is responsible.

Well Mr Contrarian, you can’t have it both ways.

While I would agree that we as a nation have lost our souls, we have traded everything that made  us the greatest nation on earth in exchange for those entitlements. Where do you think those people in New Orleans got the idea that the government should bail them out? Could it be because there is nothing in life that they can do that doesn’t involve government oversight? Usually on many levels. Suppose I want to get my toenails clipped, I can’t just go out and hire someone to clip my toenails, whoever does it must have a business license from the government, they have to have a cosmetology license from the government and they have to be subject to government inspection and oversight of their toenail clipping business. We traded our right to hire someone to clip our toenails based on our own qualifications of what makes a good toenail clipper in exchange for the government telling us that someone must be qualified to clip toenails so that they dont screw up the clipping of our toenails.

Yes technology has expanded our horizons and improved our lives, but it isn’t because of government, it is in spite of it.

Yes we can now travel from New York City to Los Angeles in five hours where as at some times in our past it would have taken many months. But now we have to tell the government that we are going, that’s a relatively new development but it’s an ongoing theme. Trade our freedom for a false sense of security, that’s a concept our forefathers  held in great disdain.

So you expect me to buy the “this generation is spoiled” argument when it is your ideology that spoiled them? When you give the government more authority over peoples lives they become dependent on government and this surprises you how?

I dont worry about whether I need an iphone or a blackberry, I worry about how I can stay out of jail in a society that has allowed government to make a criminal out of me if I decide I want to make a living clipping toenails. One in five Americans are incarcerated and guess what? Every one of you reading this breaks multiple laws every day. We are a nation of criminals because we have allowed our government to make criminals of us, simply so we can feel safer. And yes, Little Boots has been one pf the most egregious of the usurpers of our freedoms. This time in the name of “the war on terror”

The problem isn’t  that our lives aren’t better, our problem is that we have been too ready to lay our freedom at the feet of government in exchange for security.

The first rule of government is that bigger government is better government and no matter the government it always works to that end.  Well how much bigger can our government get? When does it collapse under it’s own bloated weight?

So Mr Member don’t bitch about the multitude of people who want the government to take care of them while at the same time advocating that government deserves, even needs the authority to have absolute control over peoples lives.  You arent a part of the solution, you are the problem.

Well I’ve bragged about having the best member base on my website before. My chat boards produce worthwhile conversation almost daily. Here’s what showed up yesterday:

“Everyone has this perception that things are worse than they’ve ever been. There is this sense of ionized, misrepresentation that we are indeed hanging by a thread and the world is going to hell and Bush is at fault and the world is downright awful.

Well, I don’t mean to be the contrarian of the group here but we (my generation) are so fucking blinded by our sense of entitlement that we forget that this is the GREATEST we’ve ever had it. Period. End of story.

Don’t believe me? Tell me how many votes Obama beat McCain by going to wikipedia.org, searching by county, drinking a milkshake while doing so with a wireless mouse over a wireless internet connection and then remember that in 1804 it took 8-11 WEEKS for news to travel across the Atlantic.

Complain about the Constitution being shredded and your rights being trampled. By all means, complain about your lack of 1st Ammendment right of dissent and how bad you’ve got it while you dial up your brand new porno video (something you couldn’t do 30 years ago).

Do you realize that for the better part of the last 2000 years the vast majority of the human population never left an area further than 100 miles? Do they realize that it was only 100 years ago when 12-year-olds were working for a dollar a day whilst living 8 to a room to help pay family bills? I read a story from a therapist on CNN (go figure) who said that teens of today are menstrating and maturing earlier now due to the increased pressures of adolescence in the new millenium. Well, I’ll be striped ass ape. Doesn’t that beat all? Yeah, teens today have it sooooo fucking rough, don’t they? Trying to decide between a Blackberry and an EnV. Boy, that sure as fuck sounds a hell of a lot tougher than my grandfather having his face blown off over Italy at the age of 19 fighting the fucking Nazis. I could see how life today is tougher on kids–especially since they have to get up at 8 and go to school for 9 monthes–compared with 80 years ago when 75% of America was agricultural and work began and ended with sun up and sun down. Life today is so much harder than the 14 year olds of the civil war who couldn’t decide between North or South.

I’m sorry but somewhere along the way we’ve completely fucked up our belief system. We can thank the baby boomers for that. We had the world at our fingertips after WWII and guess what? They squandered it. Yep. Cut and fucking dry. These people rebelled in the 1960s over well, Vietnam (which was probably a worthy rebellion), segregation (again, kudus) and……….basically the status quo. What was the status quo? It was the most prosperous time in any country’s history in the history of mankind. Basically they bitched about how rich they were. And they had kids who complained about how rich they were and well, you can see where it goes from there.

Baby Boomers ran up a deficit and sold my children’s generation off for their own comforts. Don’t believe me? Google the Austrian Pengo and then talk about deficits and hyper inflation. Do that and then decide whether or not you think we should be bailing everyone out. But that’s okay…we will endure. We can do anything we put our minds too.

I’m so sick of people with a bleak outlook on things. You make something out of nothing by claiming that nothing is something terrible. Gas prices went up!?!??! OH MY GOD!?!?! Did you happen to notice that it was only 80 years ago that half of the country didn’t even have a car? Books have only been around for plebes for 400 years.

Then there is this whining about Hurricane Katrina. A perfect microcosm of how far we’re removed from the real world and how much we expect. Everyone was whining that it took 48 hours for the gov’ment to get water to the Superdome. Let me just put this in context for you. ONE WEEK before Katrina hit, my mother was in Houston and she said, there is a huge storm coming, I am going to leave. She did. 6 Days before the storm hit I heard weathermen say, “This is going to be a terrible storm, leave now”. 5 days. 4 days. 3 days. “It’s coming, you better leave.” So finally it hit. And what happened? Everyone who stayed used it as an excuse to violate the second ammendment (the mayor took everyone’s weapons), steal, bitch, whine and complain that they didn’t get the proper warning from Bush’s FEMA. John Kennedy once said that every American ought to be able to walk 50 miles in 24 hours. You OUGHT to be that healthy. And he did it while Prez to prove the point. Now, if I do my math correctly, in 7 days, I could be 350 miles away from the storm–I could be in fucking Kentucky when that fucker hit. And I know what everyone is going to say, “These were old and sick…they couldn’t walk” Well, from the pictures I saw they looked more like, well, fat people. Fat Americans complaining about how bad they had it, no doubt it.

I saw brave American Soldiers, white and black, diving into shitty water to save 400 lb. whales. And what did they get? They were branded as bigots by Jesse Jackson because they were SAVING the black people!!! YEAH! Go figure. And, I’m sorry but, If you think that little of your body that you let it go to that extent were you are 300 lbs., call me heartless, maybe you don’t deserve to live–maybe that’s Darwinian evolution. Even if you’re old and you can only walk say, two miles a day (hell, my 90 year old grandma walks 4 a day), well, hell, you could have walked the 14 miles north to get out of the way of the storm! Why should Joe Taxpayer have to pay for your FEMA when you’re too fucking lazy to get off your ass and leave? Then there were the lovely groups raiding and robbing stores under the banner of, “We need us some Pampers”. Well, fine. Maybe you should have been ahead of the curve. Maybe you should have STOCKED UP on them before the giant fucking monster of a storm hit. Plus, I didn’t see a lot of Pampers being stolen, I saw beer, stereos and TVs being snagged. In fact, it looked a lot like Watts in 1968.

And the war in Iraq–that’s the real whopper. Here are a bunch of vocal minority entitlement, academic assholes telling us all that they were mislead and they were lied to and blah blah blah. Even representatives of Congress are complaining about how they voted! First off, I don’t see how defeating the fourth largest army in the world in under two months with under 5,000 casualties could EVER be construed as a failure but hey, I’m just an asshole, what do I know? Second, everyone has the balls, the utter fucking gall to complain about how the war is affecting them. It’s not like you’re being asked to buy war bonds for your country at a lower rate of return like your grandparents did. It’s not like you’re asked to ration your meat so that our troops can eat better. I don’t see these “We support the troops” people going door to door on scrap metal drives to help make the armored plates to help keep soldiers in Humvees safe. It’s not as if your being asked to grow your own food in a victory garden so that others on the front line may eat better. What do we complain about? Bio-Diesel? Drilling in ANWR? You tell me.

All you hear on TV is, “The planet is warming up and we’re all gonna die and…” Well, while I agree that the planet is warming, I would also say that it’s been warming more or less for the last 10,000 years–that’s what climates do, they fucking CHANGE!!!! And this also strikes at the heart of the balls we as a people have. We believe that we can harm earth. We are that arrogant. I got news for the Al Gore/Cameron Diaz/Leonardo DiCaprio’s out there–when earth gets pissed off at us, it’ll wipe us out. It won’t be tomorrow–it’ll be a few hundred thousand years from now and well, even the yoga, tai-chi, “I’m gonna live to 100″ crowd will be really busy by then.

Just the other night I was marveling at how wonderful life truely is. Think about it, especially if you’re an American. It was midnight in the middle of a giant snowstorm. I left my house–which, incidentally is about 10 times the size of my great-grandfathers farm–walked to my car, turned a key, started it and drove the 1.5 miles to grab a burger.

And then I remembered that soldiers during the Revolution couldn’t make it home for the holidays because they were camped 5 miles away.

I don’t have to worry about having an animal to slaughter to feed my family. I don’t have to worry about whether or not a warlord will rape my wife. I don’t have to worry about a king pressing me into service. The only problem I have is, “Paper or plastic?”%

Life today is nothing short of remarkable. And the notion that things are worse or terrible or whatever else you want to spin is a slap in the face to all of the generations who endured REAL problems and not only endured but gave US an easier path. And that’s the problem. You give a kid an inch and he wants a mile. That’s what we are. A bunch of whining schoolchildren complaining about the fact that we got milk when we really wanted gatorade.

Life today is beautiful. I’m sick of people who are fatter, richer and happier than they’ve ever been complaining about how bad they’ve got it and how they NEED more. Needs? Or wants. Anyone remember John Kennedy asking “Not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country?” I guess I’m pondering the same thing today.”

soprismb

Hard as a Rock

 

Posts: 866

Joined: Fri Sep 19, 2008 4:00 am

Location: Aspen, CO

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I had promised myself that I was going to stop in and post this week since Ive been MIA from Mikes blog but a lot of things happened.

First off . . .Mike stood me up for a pre holiday dinner in favor of taking Kayden off to shoot. Which if I was spending time with her Id find every excuse in the book to avoid introducing her to new people too.

So I get in to Atlanta and a read a message from processing playboy Ron Cadwell that Master Card has put the skids to merchants sharing data to slamming cross sales on consumers credit cards. I realized that this was probably a 30% or more reduction in revenue from those in this business who have weak pay sites and rely on ripping off the consumer.

So I broke out the eggnog.

If your a reader of Mike’s blog and you dont know why this is a good thing - Im happy to spell it out to you. There are those that have very weak paysites that pay others to ”precheck” a cross sale when they sell the consumer a membership. It works when you sign up for a site…Ill use a tame example … say for a sexual enhancement pill.

You as a consumer are lured in for a free trial. As you are entering in your information you find out that while the dick pills are for free this company wants to charge you a modest shipping fee of $4.

Buried in the fine print is the fact that this $4 shipping charge turns into a $30 recurring charge so you can get auto refills each month. And since your dick will be big and hard they have already hidden a couple porn site memberships that will be billed to you in 5 days for a total of $94.

$90 bucks of that is recharged each month on your credit card to make sure your dick stays big and strong and you have a couple of weak sites that are not updated so you can get your jerk on to the same old shit over and over.

This gets more complicated since your  new friends at the dick pill factory have shared your data with the weak assed pay site company so they can continue adding additonal charges to your card based on their terms and conditions that you never saw.

These free samples have been costing consumers hundreds of dollars a month for web sites they never visit and if they did…theyd find them not updated.

Click here if you want to learn more and comment on MasterCard cross sales.

Before I had time to celebrate this good news I read on Cnet that the scammers at Adult Friend Finder are spinning an IPO swindle so that stock investors can pay off Penthouse’s sizable debt from its failing magazine and poor decision to buy AFF earlier this year.

Seems that the Mark Bell, Andrew Conru and Lars Mapstead forgot to pay taxes over in Europe and need a little help from stock investors to bail them out. They only need about $450 million to get flush.

I suppose all the karma from of using copyrighted pictures of web personalitities to populate bogus profiles has caught up with them. Im sure the owners of torrent sites that give away stolen videos from the AVN award winning Mike South will miss the AFF ad revenue.

You can read more about the AFF IPO and comment here.

But there was one more gift before Santa took his sled back to the north pole.

The closing of Iporn.

Poor self proclaimed porn lord Francis Koenig lost his major investor at adult vest closing the offices of Iporn and the termination of all employees.

I guess if I invested 2.5 million bucks and all I had to show for it was massive hotel and bar tabs and some POV footage 0f a guy fucking hookers Id close down too.

Porno Dan couldnt even ligitimize this chump.

Better luck next year! Maybe your next investor will give you crisp $1000 bills to pose with at AEE so you can look like a legit porn gangster!

At this rate I cant wait to see what happens New Years Eve!

Mike told me I’m a lazy writer and I have to do all of his updates for a week.

Happy Birthday Mike. 

Here’s the story: Family is in town for Christmas. I need clean ways to keep them entertained. Forget the fact that my mother thinks the new poster of me is pretty. She doesn’t realize it’s a porn box cover. Forget that she thinks the picture of  me and the dog in the santa hat is precious. She doesn’t realize the set tells a story and as the story unfolds the dog disappears and shortly after so do my clothes. It’s a clubkayden.com exclusive. Speaking of clubkayden.com (and mindless product placement)– my web designer had us all over for a dinner party Christmas Eve.

Here’s the thing about alcohol: it’s a depressant. It depresses the senses. Layman’s terms it makes us slow. Dumb. We had wine and spiked egg nog and Thai food and listened to Michael Jackson and some type of eclectic rave music pulled off of my sister’s iPod. My web guy played Chopin on the piano. My mom showed her bra strap and thought she flashed “the whole neighborhood.” Then there was dancing and it was an odd mix but it would have been well worth videotaping. More drinks were poured and I think we started kick boxing. I started kick boxing anyway. Then it turned into a wrestling match of sorts and I was the victim. My mother was the aggressor. She took me down and held me pinned and I tried to tap out but she didn’t realize that meant she was supposed to stop.

Or maybe she did. I’m sure she’s wanted to beat me at least once in the last 23 years. There was the time I confused the gas pedal with the brakes on the quad and the only thing that stopped it was her new car. There was the time I took my new make up kit and used it to make bruise and scratch marks on my friends face then threw a vase against the wall and pretended like we got in a fight and I won. There was the time I got sent home from nap time at kindergarten because I snuck my pet lizard into class and let it sleep on my pillow with me. There was that diamond ring I took to play pretty pretty princess with but lost when we decided to see who could jump the farthest off of dumpsters instead. And the two times I lost my sister. And the sister’s entire toddler period as a human bowling pin at my hands. And there was the neighbor boy whose grandparents told on me when I beat him up. There was the time she walked into a liquor store to get matches for a birthday cake and almost fainted when they were unpacking the April issue of Hustler at the counter. I was on the cover.

So I’ve put her through a few things and I think years of antics that made her fear phone calls during school hours finally caught up to me. The woman didn’t just take me down. She full on tackled me. There was an eerie Matrix moment where she may have been suspended in midair. I’m covered in large swollen rose colored welts. The woman finally got to beat me. Retroactively this is why I’m in porn.   

Ok it’s Christmas eve and Im wrapping presents and doing general stuff and I reply to a myspace message from a smoking hot web girl who has recenty relocated to Atlanta.  She wants to hook up.  I drop what I’m doing and head to meet her for dinner.  On the way I get a call from one of Tim’s peelers named Autumn.

I tell her I will call her later, she says my cell is broken so use this number.

FF to later I call and this sleepy voice answers the phone:

“Hello”

Me: “What are you doing you triffling little hooker”

“What?”

Me: “What are you doing asleep you are never asleep this early”

“I was asleep”

Me: “Well ya told me to call ya back now wake up and talk to me hooker”

“who is this?”

Me: “Is this Autumn?”

“No This is Autumn’s MOTHER”

ooops!

Autumn is going to KILL ME

First one to tell me what it says wins a free membership to southernbukkake.com and or braggin rights.

Tod Hunter is disqualified cuz I stole it from his site