I’m sitting at home tonight and I get a call from Kira

Kira is one of Tim’s peelers. She is very cute, long very curley hair, Brazilian, 18 and if you look up the word adoreable in the dictionary there oughta be a picture of her.  I actually met her the night before I left a couple of weeks ago so we didn’t go out or anything but I asked her out the next time I was in town, and she agreed.

Well apparently I made an impression because if I dont call every day or two, she calls me.  She is very sweet.

During tonights conversation i told her I may come up in a couple of weeks, just for a weekend and to take her out.

Her response:

“If you did that I would melt like a popsicle on a hot day in July.”

Damn.  I thought I had the market cornered on corny sayings.

You CANNOT make friends with the porn stars.

That’s what’s important. If you’re a porn journalist - first, you will never get paid much. But you will get free DVDs from the porn companies. And they’ll buy you drinks, you’ll meet girls, they’ll try to give you stuff for free, offer you drugs… I know.

It sounds great. But they are not your friends. These are people who want you to write sanctimonious stories about the genius of the porn stars, and they will ruin porn and strangle everything we love about it.

Kayden has been beat up on a lot recently, not so much by fans as by people with an agenda, so it pleases me to say something nice about our girl here.  She has always had and will continue to have my support.

Over at Xcritic they reviewed Kaydens latest from Adam and Eve, “Kayden Exposed”

Some selected quotes:

“It stars their contract star Kayden Kross. She has been in several movies with this studio in the past. I highly recommend her first release for Adam & Eve Kayden’s Krossfire. She was very good in that movie, but one can tell that she has vastly blossomed into one of adult movie’s superstars. She is a very quick learner and she loves her fans. Getting back to Kayden’s Exposure, I have to say that there really is no single plot that intertwines the five scenes. Each scene is taken in it’s solitary space. Nevertheless, this movie is the best that I have seen this year.”

“Kayden always looks beautiful. She never has a bad look.”

“Her scene is remarkable and very professional.”

“The cover of the DVD case has Kayden Kross on it by herself. It is fitting because this movie has her best work up to date. She stands head and heels above the rest of the cast. Nevertheless, the other women and men also brought their A plus game to this movie. In particular, Sammie Rhodes’ performance is one of her best in her career by far. A huge credit must go to director Andre Madness in pulling off one of the best movies of the year. It deserves a lot of recognition when the AVN awards come around. I happily give this movie a XCritic Pick recommendation.”

I originally wrote this back in 2002 when it seemed that Bick had suffered a heart attack.  It was a faux eyewitness account:

Buck Adams is kind of porns own Charles Bukowski, he is known to be a hard drinking, hard living kind of fellow. Adams, the brother of pornstar Amber Lynn was directing his latest project when he suffered what was apparently a heart attack. As one eyewitness told the story:

“I was standin roun’ en I seent da head white boy go down see. He jes hit da groun like he done got inta some bad T-Bird see. Somebody call’t a amb-U-Lance en dey drive up en out comes da Pair-O-Medics see. Now dey bringin’ wid em dey batt’ry en dey proceeds to hook white boy up see, dey be gwine ter jump start white boy. But I be shakin maw head see, on account a I b’lieve white boy be done gone down town.”

Well as it turns out Buck wasn’t dead and he was indeed revived. A stay in the hospital and an EKG revealed that Buck had not had a heart attack at all, several days in the hospital under surveillance they still had no idea what was wrong with Buck. Buck was released after diagnosis of a viral infection, possibly resulting from a bug bite.

 Well this time it’s real, Buck Passed away yesterday at 52 from complications from heart failure.

Buck’s sister is adult film legend Amber Lynn.

When we last left Megan she had just presented the bait to Barney. Will he take it hook, line and sinker?

(Part 3 in the series)

It’s Saturday around four in the afternoon, Megan has been up about three hours. She decides it’s time to give Barney a call.

For Barneys part he really is surprised. He figured his buddies were right, that she wouldn’t call. When his phone rang  he glanced at the caller ID and not recognizing the number thought about not answering, but he just wasn’t the type who could do that. He almost didn’t recognize Megan’s name.

Megan told him how much she enjoyed meeting him last night, and how she would like to see him again. He says how about tonight.  She says great I will be at the club at nine come on up, I will be watching for you, then she politely excuses herself to take the other line and says I will see you at nine, I look forward to it.

That wasn’t exactly what Barney had in mind, but the thought of seeing her pleased him, she is a trophy, after all.

Megan gives Jim a call, Jim has been Megan’s “customer” for about six months now and she knows he is good for four hundred dollars or more every time he comes in. She makes a fall back plan.  She tells Jim I might go in tonight, if I do I will probably call you, so I won’t be bored. She asks him if he can get out.  He tells her sure just give him a call and let him know.

At 8PM Megan shows up at the club to get ready, as she comes in she looks around to see if she has any customers there. Not a one, she smiles, thinking to herself how well trained they are.  They come in when she tells them to, they rarely surprise her. She signs in with the DJ, goes to the dressing room, says hello to the house mom and starts doing her make up and changing. By 8:30 she is sitting at the bar nursing a drink watching the club.

She is on stage dancing when Barney comes in, alone. She smiles at him and waves subtly.  When she gets off stage she goes around and thanks everyone who tipped her the sits down and and gives Barney a little hug.  She tells him she was wondering if he would really show up. She asks him for a drink, a pina colada. The waitress returns with the drink and tells him it will be four dollars, he gives her a five and tells her to keep the change. Megan turns to Barney and says I want to dance for you. He agrees and she hustles him off to the VIP two songs and forty dollars later they are out. By ten she is on stage again and this time when she thanks the guys that tipped her she hits up a regular who is always good for a few songs in VIP, she stops by Barney on the way and says I have to do a few dances for this guy, I will be right back, don’t go anywhere.

And he doesn’t, but he can’t help but feel a bit of the old green monster rising up in him. In his mind she is a good girl who shouldn’t be doing this really, maybe he can take her away from it.

When she comes out she sits  and talks with the guy for a while before coming back to Barney.  She apologizes to Barney but explains that she has to make money, after all this is how she pays her bills and she has to pay for her classes at the local community college next week. He asks what she is taking.  She tells him she wants to be a XRay technician because she doesn’t see herself being a stripper the rest of her life. She tells him shedoesn’t work very much so the nights she does work she needs to make at least three or four hundred and that last night she didn’t make enough really so she is going to work an extra night or two this week to make up for it.

Gerard Damiano, legendary director of “Deep Throat” passed away Saturday as a result of complications from a stroke.  Damiano was 80.

Newspress.com wrote:

Florida- He directed one of the highest-grossing, most talked-about films in movie history: “Deep Throat.”

Then Gerard Damiano lived out his final years in Fort Myers quietly, enjoying theatre, attending art openings, appearing at charitable events and reveling, especially, in the accomplishments of his two children.

Damiano died Saturday of complications following a stroke. He was 80.

Damiano’s 1972 blockbuster, “Deep Throat,” was the first mass-market adult movie. Polarizing and controversial, “Deep Throat” was banned in 23 states yet embraced by a nation in the throes of the sexual revolution.

In 1973, reviewer Roger Ebert wrote, “(It) became ‘pornographic chic’ in New York. … This is the first stag film to see with a date.”

The film grossed $600 million - more than any adult film before or since, according to the 2005 documentary “Inside Deep Throat,” which chronicles the effect Damiano’s film had on U.S. culture.

“Inside Deep Throat” made it plain that in an industry known for toxic exploitation, Damiano was a different sort of director.

“I was just a nice guy, which is why I think I did pretty well,” Damiano told The News-Press in 2005. “I mean, I’d meet an actress and have to say, ‘Sit down, take your clothes off - I’m going to ask you to do some nasty things.’ You have to be pretty nice.”

His many warm, enduring friendships with others in the industry attest to that. When he turned 80 in August, adult stars from around the country flew in for the surprise celebration.

One of those was Georgina Spelvin (star of “The Devil in Miss Jones”), who wrote afterwards in her online blog: “His former wife (and still good friend) Barbara, their daughter, Christar, and their son, (Gerard) G Rock threw the best birthday bash I’ve been to since my Italian mother-in-law’s 90th … When the lights came up and we all yelled ‘Surprise,’ I feared my favorite director was going to bolt. He later said, ‘I haven’t been that surprised since I was arrested.’ He just couldn’t believe his loving former performers and pals had traveled from New York and California just to nuzzle and hug and kiss him to pieces.”

Yet perhaps he shouldn’t have been surprised. Damiano was a sweetheart, said friend Stephanie Davis, who writes the Downtown Diva column for The News-Press.

“He was just a fixture at all the cultural events - always very charming and dapper and suave, always there with a kiss and a ‘Hello, Gorgeous.’ He just made you feel like you were the only girl in the room.”

Damiano was intensely proud of his children, artist and filmmaker Gerard Jr., and performer, Christar, with whom he shared a vintage home. Born Gerardo Rocco Damiano to an Italian Catholic family in the Bronx, N.Y., his father died when he was 6. His mother never remarried.

The day Damiano turned 17, he joined the Navy for four years. Using the G.I. Bill, he studied X-ray technology. In 1956, then 29, he opened a hairdressing shop in New York City. There, Damiano’s accountant introduced him to a newsreel-maker trying to produce a horror film.

Damiano visited the set one day and loved what he saw, he recalled three years ago. He made friends with the filmmakers and helped however he could, hoping for a break.

The clincher? His white Coupe DeVille, which was perfect for hauling and chauffeuring. (That Cadillac later appeared in “Deep Throat” with star Linda Lovelace driving). One day, someone gave Damiano a camera. Suddenly he was in his element. Then Damiano met Lovelace.

“I thought, ‘Stop the presses!’” he told The News-Press.

“I spent the next couple of days writing a film just for her.” That film was “Deep Throat.”

It took just six days to shoot in Miami, and Damiano even had a cameo: as a gay man.

Yet for all the money the film made, Damiano took little of it away, which remained something of a sore spot - and something he preferred not to discuss - for the rest of his life.

After that, Damiano made other movies, including, “The Devil in Miss Jones,” “The Satisfiers of Alpha Blue” and “Let My Puppets Come,” which pioneered adult puppetry. After 47 films, he retired in 1994.

The unflinching auteur never became a Hugh Hefner-style swinger. He and his family moved from New York to Fort Myers almost 40 years ago.

They bought a house in south Fort Myers. The children attended Canterbury School.

“I’d work all week in New York. Then every Friday, I’d get on a plane, come down to Naples, then hop on one of those propeller puddle-jumpers and come home,” Damiano told The News-Press.

He and his ex-wife, who also lives in Southwest Florida, remained close until his death, said Gerard Damiano Jr. “I don’t think he ever stopped loving my mom,” he added.

There are no plans for a memorial service. “That 80th birthday party was a celebration of his life - while he was still alive,” his son said.

I’m gonna be honest I kinda like this one:

As an elderly fellow was checking the Balance of his Investments

“This is worse than a divorce. I have lost half my net worth and I still have my wife.”

I was talking to a pornchick last night who was at the mall…no surprise there.  As we are in the midst of the conversation she tells me OMG Eric Everhard is coming out of the shoe store with five pairs of shoes.

I’m immediately suspect and voice my suspicions that Eric might be, well, a bit TOO metrosexual.  I tell her I don’t understand why in Gods name any man would have use for more than three pairs of shoes, one pair for dress, one pair of tennis shoes and one pair to hunt and fish in, and I point out that generally speaking the tennis shoes work fine for hunting and fishing as well.

Judging by the gutteral sounds she was making I presumed she found all of this rather humorous. A presumption that was proven correct when she approaches Eric and tells him what I just said.

Erics response was ” I have never even caught a fish”

WHAT?

Eric is Canadian. now don’t get me wrong here, I like most every Canadian I know. My buddy beater is a Canadian and I don’t question his manhood at all, hell he is as fine a man and Canadian as  has ever clubbed a baby harp seal. He has a deliciously decadent and adoreable girlfriend who is also Canadian.

But Eric, a Canadian who has never caught a fish? Not even a Walleye?  I don’t mean the Walleyes that come out of Canadian strip clubs at two AM, I mean the ones that live in deep cold lakes with crystal clear water and taste wonderful lightly battered and fried in peanut oil.

Now I question his manhood, the pornchick is near tears laughing and I am indignant. I mean I’m sure there are other Canadians who have never caught a fish, Bryan Adams comes to mind as does Alex Trebek and Matt Ramsey but I think I’m making my own case here.

I like Eric, the guy has been cool to me always but in a world where real men are an endangered species it just seems…Well, wrong that he has  used way more skin care products than bait in his lifetime.

[ This is part two, part one is Oct 22, you really should read it first if you haven’t already]

It’s a moderately busy Friday night.  Prime time in a strip club, particularly one that caters to the business crowd.  Megan is sitting at the bar nursing a drink and idly chatting up a regular. She watches the guys come in.

She spots a middle aged guy come in with two of his buddies, the guy is immediately noticed because she can tell just by watching him that he isn’t a strip club regular.  She looks him over, obviously a white collar guy maybe middle management, his attire is nice, well kept, not sloppy and not expensive either. She makes a point to look at his shoes, she knows that’s a big giveaway. They aren’t outrageously expensive but they aren’t cheap either, two hundred dollar range. So far, so good. watches, jewelry all that stuff can be fake and even if it isn’t a guy that can afford a ten thousand dollar watch isn’t what she is fishing for, and this is a lot like fishing.

Megan is twenty one, tall - around 6 feet in her stripper heels, maybe five seven or eight barefoot.  She has very fine naturally straight hair that falls to her mid back. The color is a very light brown bordering on blonde, she has highlights and low lights that accentuate the fine, well kept hair.  Her features are German, her eyes are very light blue and her complexion is flawless, she doesn’t wear a lot of make up, she doesn’t have tattoos and she doesn’t have, or need fake breasts, her natural 36 Ds are flawless and hang perfectly.  She wears nice attire that doesn’t scream stripper.  Matter of fact stripper is the last thing she wants to look like. Megan cultivates the pretty girl next door look.  The I’m real new at this whole thing and I really don’t even belong  in a strip club look.

She waits until the party sits down and orders a drink, then she approaches the table and introduces herself talking first to his two buddies  but then focusing her attention on him. He says his name is Barney. She smiles pleasantly and asks if it’s OK if she sits next to him.

She gets the attention of a passing stripper named Jade and introduces her around and Jade  starts working the two buddies for drinks and VIP dances.

She strikes up a conversation with Barney asking him if he has ever been here before. The question is a qualification, his answer of no I’m just here because my friends drug me in here because I spend too much time at work, tells her that she gauged him correctly, he isn’t a strip club regular. She tells him she hasn’t been working here long, she is new to dancing and has a hard time with it because she just can’t do the hard core hustle like Jade is doing with his friends, says it just isn’t her. Her look doesn’t betray her, she doesn’t even wear the same 50 dollar a pair stripper heels the other girls do, hers are a little more expensive and are more of a wedge design than the standard spikes, stylish but still sexy enough for the club. She asks if he is married, it isn’t that she cares but it helps her play the game.  He tells her he is divorced. He is visibly nervous around her but obviously trying to maintain his cool. She has qualified him, so far he fits.

When Megan speaks, she does so softly and with feminine inflection. She doesn’t talk ghetto and she doesn’t try to sound smart she tries to sound feminine and just slightly, vulnerable.

She talks a little about herself but only as a prelude to getting him to talk about himself, she never asks him to go to VIP. He likes talking about himself and she seems genuinely interested, and she is, he is telling her everything she needs to know about his net worth. His hobbies, his kids, where they go to school, his work, everything.

Eventually he asks her about a dance and she acts a little shy then takes him to VIP and tells him it’s twenty bucks a song and that she thinks thats a little high but they have cameras in there and they make sure she isn’t undercutting the other girls or anything. She tells him he can pay afterwards.

She has already qualified him, she knows he has the money.

Her dance isn’t a hardcore strip club grind. It’s practiced uncertainty, a little bit clumsy like an amateur. After the song is over she reminds him that if she keeps going its another twenty dollars and she doesn’t want him to think she is the type that would keep dancing and then hit him up for a hundred dollars  five songs later.

He fishes in his pocket and removes a twenty from his wallet, she notices there’s plenty more where that came from, along with credit cards.  He gives her the money and at that precise moment, defines the terms of their relationship, from that point forward.

Megan has poked a hole in Barney’s wallet.

She goes back to the table with him and continues to talk, and listen to him until it’s time for him to leave. She tells him not to leave yet to wait just a few minutes until she returns.

She goes to the dressing room and writes her cell number down, then she returns to the table and slips it into his hand, telling him, I’m not supposed to do this but you aren’t like the guys who usually come in here, this is my number, please call me. Then she hands him the pen and a small post it note and says can I have yours too? He is feeling a lot better about himself and his buddies are taking note that he has the attention of probably the hottest girl in the club, and even though he hasn’t spent fifty bucks on her all night she has spent hours with him. Now here he is giving her his number, his buddies will later tell him that she won’t call and when he says she gave him her number too they quickly decide she gave him the wrong number.

They would be wrong on both counts, her number is real and she will call him. Megan didn’t make but seventy dollars including the tips she made during her mandatory on stage appearances, but she made something far more valuable.  Megan made a customer.

Next - Megan dials a date.