It Started Off Innocent Enough:

Even though it seemed like a normal day, there was a weird electricity in the air, I had attributed it to the fact that it was the infamous nine one one, the day crazed religious terrorists, (not much different than a lot of right wing fundamentalists) had attacked the World Trade Center in New York City with weapons owned and manufactured by corporate America. I was driving down to Tampa for the Tampa Show, a regional show that pats the backs of Tampa area adult business for being good, and for being good advertisers in Nightmoves Magazine. I'm driving along in my old Ford Ranger, a 97 model with a cracked windshield and 160,000 miles on the odometer. It still runs good though and the CD Player works, as does the air conditioner. What more do I need in transportation?

I am noticing most of the flags flying half staff, the ones that seem to stick out are the ones that are not at half staff, they all seem to be at these little hotels scattered along the side of the freeway, the ones probably owned by Islamic fundamentalists, or frenchmen.

I have been coming to the Tampa Show for a long time, this is my tenth year, I like it, it's probably the most fun show we do all year, it has a kind of subculture social vibe to it. When a few dozen pornstars descend on a city it tends to automatically set up an us against them type of scenario, the collective us includes pretty much all of the adult industry around Tampa, Pornstars, strippers, DJs and other assorted rabble and riff raff.

In the years past we always stayed at the same place, a Days Inn that is fairly central to everything we do. Over the years the Days Inn people have learned how to deal with us and we have learned how to deal with them. They always give us our own building and a security guard hired by Nightmoves keeps the "civilians" out of our area. They Days Inn keeps the pool in our section open 24/7 because we usually are busy every night until around 2AM, then the pool becomes the central meeting place to unwind, skinny dip (imagine that) and just socialize. But being in a whole building with no halls, just a bunch of rooms facing out towards the pool and an exterior walkway on both floors gives us a kind of open environment, we don't get to feeling caged in. Pornstars are a lot like cats, we may sleep in one spot all day long and not venture anywhere but put a cage over that spot and we suddenly get VERY agitated, but keep us in an open area and we tend to do just fine.

This year they have decided to upgrade our environment and put us up in the Wyndham Harbour Island Hotel, a wannabe ritzy resort, I say wannabe because the rooms generally go for around 300/night even though the one I had was smaller than the ones we usually get at the Days Inn and the wallpaper was peeling off the walls, but I am getting ahead of myself. I couldn't help but think when I heard about this that change isn't always a good thing, remember how I said that the Days Inn had adjusted to us and we to the Days Inn, I couldn't help but wonder if the management and the patrons of the Wyndham Harbour Island had any idea what to do with us or if we had any idea how to deal with them. I'd find out soon enough.

Anyway, the drive is pretty uneventful, nothing out of the ordinary, just a weird electricity that I have chalked up to a kind of retrograde karmic energy thats associated with the date.

Tampa Part Deaux:

As I pulled into the hotel driveway The first thing I see is the valet. Shit, They never had a valet at the Days Inn. The kid at the valet stand eyes my Ford Ranger with disdain, I get out of the truck and tell him I need a bellman, he asks me what goes up, looking at the various light cases, luggage, laptops and assorted other photography gear. I told him all of it, plus whats in the extanded cab behind the seats. He asks my last name and pulls off a stub that he hands to me. There are no porn people in the lobby, but Dennis Hof (Owner of The Bunny Ranch) and Sunset Thomas pull up, we exchange hellos. I give the guy at the check in desk my name, telling him it may also be undere the name South. He plays with the computer for a few minutes and tells me I am not registered, nor do I have a reservation. Now I am a pretty mellow kinda guy, but after driving for 7 hours I can get a wee bit cranky. I told him to look again, to which he responded "I'm sorry sir you aren't in here" I told him bullshit, and from the look on his face you'd think I just left a floater in his pool.

I asked him if Tim Case was registered, he looks and says yes, I said OK I am in the room right next to him. So what does he do? He calls Tim's room and asks if Tim minds if he gives me a key to the room. I tell him "No you moron, I don't want a key to Tim's room I want a key to MY room." I ask him who is in the rooms adjacent to Tims room, he hesitates then he looks and says on one side theres a Mr. South. I bought hit the damn ceiling. After determining that I am indeed, Mr. South I am given a key.

When I get to the room Tim is standing outside his door. He asks me why I needed a key to his room. I told him not to start with me. We hugged and I said hello to Felicia Fox aka Fifi. Tim and Fifi are my best friends, I love them to death and we go way back. I had already missed the freebie dinner that the Nightmoves folks had set up for everyone but we were all going to meet the rest of our group at the first official function, a meet and greet at a club in Ybor City called Amphitheater.

The room was small, about two thirds the size of the rooms at the Days Inn, but it does have better furniture. There is no refridgerator or microwave. I got in and and started unpacking when Aaron and Donna came down, they had driven up from South Florida and were shooting a documentary on this show, I have known Aaron and Donna for several years, they have been coming to this show as guests of Anna Malle and Hank Armstrong and we just all kind of bonded. Aaron has turned me on to some freaky shit like "Radiskull and Devil Doll" and other subculture comic and film stuff that I find amusing. Come to think of it, the entire weekend had a kind of Radiskull and Devil Doll storyline to it....

The girls sharing the room with me, Celena Roxx and Keli Anderson called to say they were en route and should be in sometime Friday afternoon.

I took a shower, changed clothes and went to Tim and Fifis room to hang out till we left.

Aaron and Donna had come up in a van so we all decided that rather than riding in the bed of my pickup truck the van would offer more comfortable accomodations.

We drove into Ybor City where we met up with the others. Immediately we hooked up with more of what became our posse. We had Jaime, Manager of Hustler Hollywood (and birthday boy) and Jeff who works with Jaime and we have Beater from Toronto, Kiki D'Aire and others. Kiki had her usual Tampa squeeze with her, a crazy mofo named Adrian who does the best Sam Kinison impressions you ever heard. I knew all these folks from years past, Jaime, Beater, Jeff and Adrian are in fact friends.

I go down to the bar to get a rare beer, I say rare because I really don't drink much usually a beer per night and never more than 2 if I drink at all. When I appraoch the Bar I see Jewn (the owner of Digital Playground) with his contract girl Jesse Jane and Aria hanging around the periphery. I say hello to Jewn, kiss Jesse and ask where Nic Andrews is. Gotta give it to Jewn (actually its Joone but Jewn is far funnier) he has a great sense of humor, he is a laid back sort of fellow and as such he makes himself an almost perfect target for tomfoolery and practical jokes.

As the night winds down most of the crew heads back to the hotel, but 16 of us decide to go have a late (like 2AM late) dinner at Bennigans on Dale Mabry. Bennigans is right next door to the infamous Days Inn.

Something about Bennigans makes me go into recruiting mode, I have pulled more girls out of that Bennigans and into porn than I can count. Sure enough there are a couple of hotties at the bar, I go up and introduce myself and tell the long haired brunette that I will make her famous. It kinda works, next thing I know they have joined us and are pulling their tops up for photos....Now I know yer all saying ya right....so I have pictures.

Thats Jeff in the photos with the girlies. Keri, the chick on the right was supposed to call me but never did....

After we left Bennigans we were all tired so we all went straight to bed.

So you are asking yourself right about now....South, What about all this peeing on sheep and cops and paramedics and swords and the jaws of life?

In due time readers in due time. It didn't start getting weird till the next day.

 

Tampa Part 3:

I wake up around 10 AM Friday morning. shower, watch a little TV and decide it's time for Tim and Fifi to get up, Since there is no door that connects our rooms like there used to be at The Days Inn I walk into the hall and beat on his door...hell he should be up by now it's damn near 8AM California Time. he isn't, or wasn't that is until I beat hell outta the door and questioned his ancestry. Funny thing is, it really didn't phase him, he has grown accustomed to my generally obnoxious nature. I am irritated that there is no adjoining door and I tell him to get his clothes on cuz we are going to Home Depot. He wants to know "Why in God's name" I want to go to Home Depot. I tell him I am going to buy a Sawzall and a door and install it between out rooms.

He talks me out of it, considering there might be wires or something I'd cut through. We decide to go to the pool instead.

Down at the pool, they had a bar that wasn't yet open. Aaron and Donna were sitting at a table eating a burger, I decided that would be a good idea...I was hungry. They point out the red phone and I tell the guy I want a grouper sandwich and an iced tea, then I said hell bring a pitcher, save the waitress a few trips. I added to be sure to bring enough sugar to sweeten the pitcher.

30 minutes later a waitress shows up with my sandwich, a pitcher of tea, 5 small packets of sugar and a bill for 27 dollars. I lost it. I enquired in the midst of a string of profanities if she was sure it was grouper, she said that it was. I said for 27 dollars for a sandwich I expect to eat a fucking endangered species. She didn't see the humor in it. Then I noticed the sugar ...or the lack thereof. I said honey this isn't enough sugar to sweeten a tall glass much less a pitcher, she never brought me any more though. That's the problem with these fucking hotels that have you as a captive audience, they know that you have no choice but to pay what they ask...fine I pay it but don't expect me to be fucking nice about it. Like I told the waitress...I told her to tell management that I generally like to be kissed while being fucked, or at least use a little lube.

So after thoroughly pissing off the help I ate the grouper sandwich, which was in fact either Cod or Haddock, certainly not grouper, a fish with whose taste I am infinately familiar.

People begin to make their way to the pool, we were told not to wear thongs or T Backs...ya right...They would be lucky if we didn't get naked in the pool. Kiki D'Aire shows up, then Montana Gunn, Fifi, Bella Donna and others and last but not least Jewn shows up with Jesse Jane and, you guessed it Aria. This was a dangerous foreshadowing, I knew this would be trouble and soon it would be, but not this day.

Jesse being the social butterfly that she is, made the rounds, Jewn, clearly not the social butterfly nodded to the people he recognized.

As I am cooling off in the pool Fifi hops in and comes up and wraps her legs around me and clings to my back. suddenly I feel something warm against my back....wouldn't ya know it...Next thing I know Fifi is announcing that she is peeing on me in the pool. The porners found this highly amusing, the regular guests got out of the pool.

Over the next few hours it became great sport for all the pornchicks to come cling to me and pee on me in the pool.....All the while announcing it for everyone. Ok I figure, let em blow off some steam at me for publishing their escorting rates on my site or whatever evil shit they think I did to em.

Finally it came time to start getting ready for the evenings events. Keli and Celena, my girls had yet to show up and Im starting to worry but a call to Celena's cell phone took care of it, they were a mere 20 minutes away. Cool.

Tim Case was a big hit with the Christian Convention going on at the same time. Really!

Porno Steve Thinks I'm #1

Ya gotta love a chick that points her toes even when on the john.

BellaDonna knows who I am now.

Tampa Part 4:

While I am in the shower Keli and Celena show up, I quickly finish up to let them have the bathroom. they had driven all the way from Youngstown, OH to attend this show with me, when chicks do something like that it says a lot about her desire to actually be there. My buddy Isaac stopped by to say hello before going to work and he promised to hang out with us on Saturday cuz he was off. We go next door to Tim and Fifi's room and I notice a single handed longsword, unsharpened but very real propped up in a corner. I pick it up, its heavy but not as heavy as the real pricey ones, Tim anticipates my question and tells me its one of Fifi's stage props. That scares me, I already know that in her early days Fifi (or rather Tim) set fire to a mans shirt and even set the stage on fire with over primed flashpots, I can picture her decapitating someone. Tim assures me that she just swings it over her head a couple of times and then drops it in front of the stage door.

Dr X, Keli and Celena

Tim and I are talking about the show so far and we both note that 2 things are seriously missing. The first being Dirty Bob, he always books the talent and comes down and hangs around looking for pornchicks to give him lap dances or guys to go to the 2001 or Mons Venus to get lapdances with him. DB still did the work and the star bookings but things came up and he mad to miss the fun for the first time in 10 years. We figure ole DB wouldn't much like the new hotel, the Mons and 2001 were easy walking distance from the old one. Trust me when I tell you that a titty bar would be about as welcome on Harbour Island as Tim's "Christianity is Stupid" TShirt would be at the Republican National Convention.

The second thing missing is Anna Malle and Hank Armstrong, I know thats officially 2 things but they function as one. Anna is a party in a box, so to speak and was sorely missed this year.

Jaime and Layla Jade, One of the rare pornchicks who actually gets prettier every year....She is SMOKIN!

Everyone got ready and we all headed downstairs to catch ur rides to the respective signings. We were going to a little club called Secrets. When we get there we set up and start welcoming fans, dancers and the like and just generally hanging out and being sociable. In our group are Papillon, Sammy Sparks, Jesse Jane, Layla Jade and a fellow we will just identify as "Wild Bill", a Brit, who will become more involved in this story in the coming days. We are also combined with a group consisting of Aria, Jackie Lick, Alexis Amore, and Christy Lake.

Some of the girls got on stage and danced, some didn't but we were there from 8PM till 10PM and it was generally a quiet evening.

Sammy Sparks is older than most porn girls but you should hope yer body is as good as hers when yer in your forties!

All of that changed at the 11 PM signing, where all of the groups descended on a strip club called "Oz". Oz is an alchohol serving establishement and as such nudity is not allowed, so the girls wear G-Strings and Pasties. This club was PACKED! We all handled it well though and right at 1245 AM (The signing ended at 1AM) Sunset Thomas and another girl took the stage and proceeded (at the club managements request) to go WAY beyond the limits of what is allowed in that club. Paul Allen, owner of Nightmoves Magazine and the show organizer, sensed impending legal problems and rightly took the stage to end the out of hand display. The clubs bouncers didn't seem to care who he was as one of them put him in a headlock to escort him out. When he did so all hell broke loose between the bouncers and Allen and his security people and family, with the clubs bouncers actually taking the worst ass kicking. Paul later contacted the clubs owner, who then apologized for the bouncer and all was forgotten.

Papillon and I share a moment!

The first night of signings being behind us, we decided to hit Bennigans again, not because it's particularly good but because they actually like us there and will serve us fthe full menu untill 4AM. We come in with 16 people they dont bat an eye and they always remember us from the years past and treat us just like they do any other customers even though we tend to blow off a little steam by getting rowdy.

Layla Takes the Stage

After an uneventful 2AM dinner at Bennigans we head back to the hotel. The hotel refused to open the pool for us all night like the Days Inn always did but they did decide to capitalize on us and keep a bar open for us pretty much all night, a bar where we have to pay inflated drink prices and can't bring in our coolers like we did at the pool at the Days Inn.

Celena Roxx and I, Note the stylish "Digital G" Shirt I'm wearing! Thanks Robert Lombard!

We stop off in the bar and we are all unwinding when a sawed off little frenchman with shortmans complex and a bad case of hallway monitor syndrome comes parading in and telling us we can't smoke in there, that we have to go outside. I point out that the bar is open for us only, there are signs that indicate its a private function and that we should be allowed to smoke if we like. He proclaims that it is against Florida law. At this point my tired ass becomes overwhelmed with obnoxiousness and I tell him that if he were really a lawyer instead of an overpaid hallway monitor that he would know that that particular law applies only to establishments that serve food, this bar doesn't. But he is the boss and by God he intends to have it his way. He indicates that we have to smoke outdoors and points out an area off the laundry room someplace. We all figured that was too hard to find so we just took our drinks and hung out in front of the main entrance to smoke. Ok now picture this...Ritzy resort hotel....Valet Parking area with door attendants and 10-20 pornchicks, dressed like pornchicks and smoking cigarettes milling around. I don't think that's what the little frog fuck had in mind but it is what happened. It made it look like there was a hooker convention at the hotel, it was priceless. The pron people were begining to get highly irritated with the hotel management though. I used to have a girlfriend that had a cat, whenever we left the cat for longer than it thought was appropriate it would refuse to use the litter box for a day. Personally I'd have put the sum bitch outdoors and been done with it but the girlfriend would have none of that. Anyway remember when I noted that porn people are a lot like cats? It's all going to come to a head sooner or later and we all know it.

We decide to retire to our rooms and call it a night around 430AM.

This may be porns perfect girl!

When I hear Prince sing "Sexy MuthaFucka" Papillon is who I envision.

The Girls on Stage!

Tampa Show Part 5:

We are supposed to be at a bikini contest at noon on Saturday but we all overslept, as I mosey down to the pool at around 2PM I see we aren't the only ones. Tim and Fifi, Kiki and several others are basking. I figure its not a real biggie neither Keli or Celena was gonna enter even though they would have had a good shot at it. This time we all just kinda unwound a little, no goofing just general porn storytelling until around 5PM when it was time to head up and start preparing for the nights signings.

I am watching a show on A&E, it's a biography on Mohammed Ata, one of the terrorists who flew a plane into the world trade centers. Suddenly the fire alarm goes off. Like everyone else I stick my head into the hall, no smoke no nothing....Everyone else is doing the same thing. They make an announcement to evacuate the building, I thrown on some pants and a shirt and start walking out with Keli and Celena and Tim and Fifi and others.

As we mill about downstairs the people from the christian convention are staying well away from us porners...and as the fire engines pull up Aaron sticks a camera in my face I get an inspiration.

Download the video clip Here its about 1 Meg

Right behind the firemen comes a pizza delivery guy, Tim sees him and says "hey that's my pizza"...the guy laughs. Tim says "is that for 519?" The guy looks and says ya. Tim says "That's my Pizza"...and he pays the guy who looks dreadfully sorry he didnt get to deliver to Tim and Felicia's room and potentially star in a porn about a Pizza Delivery guy...Better luck next time.

Finally the firemen OK us to go back to our rooms and rumours quickly circulate that the alarm was caused by a disconnected smoke detector. Seems room 529 had disconnected the smoke detector so they wouldnt know that they were smoking in a non smoking room, a frenzy starts to find out who is in 529. Pam Anderson calls my cell phone a few minutes later to tell me its Analee Knoxx's room.

I'm like "who?" finally we ascertain that she means Inari Vachs. So rumors fly that they ticketed and fined Inari 3000 dollars.

Our first stop was a club called Ecstasy it's way over an hour away, Celena and I are in a car with Jesse Jane and Jewn, for once Aria was not with them. We talk about Hawaii and Uruguay and a host of other places one or more of us have visited until we finally arrive. As we set up I finally get the chance to talk to Papillon for more than just a minute or two. She is a cool chick and she soon tells me that later she has to give me a blowjob. Now I am not one to turn down a BJ from a chick this hot but I am curious as to why she "has to give me a blowjob"

Me and Jaime think Blowjobs RULE!

She tells me that she was talking to Tom Zupko and she mentioned that I was a nice guy and that she liked me, Zupko piped in that she didn't blow him so if she blew me he would never speak to her again, so that pretty much sealed it. Good enough for me. As we talk I actually find myself attracted to Papillon, something about her exudes a raw sexuality and she is highly intelligent, something else that I find sexy in females.

One of the house dancers is on stage and the DJ says he has a set of anal beads for the first guy too tip her 5 bucks, so I go up and stick 5 dollars in her garter and tell hers its from the guy standing with the petite blonde (Jewn) and to give the beads to him. She acknowledges and at the end of her set she walks over, hugs Jewn and presents him with his brand new anal beads. Papillon and I are near tears. Jewn is as straight laced as they come and in spite of the fact that he owns a porn company I seriously doubt he knows exactly what to do with anal beads. I suggest he give them to an un-named PR person to use on Nic Andrews, he laughs and gets an even better inspiration. He says "You know, these really should find their way into a Jack's Playground" Just Damn, he surprised even me with that one.

Layla Jade and Sammy Sparks went on stage and danced a bit as did Papillon. When she was done I flat out told her that I had the hots for her before but now, after seeing her dance I wanted her BAD! And it's true she has a sexy thing going on for sure. Its getting time for us to leave for our next signing which is almost 2 hours away so we pack up and off we go. This time Jesse keeps talking about Ice Cream and Reeses Peanut butter cups and I start thinking...OK this girl must have an ungodly skinny tapeworm. My buddy Isaac calls my cell phone to tell me he will meet us at our next stop, Deja Vue. I ask him to please stop at a convenience store and give him an order list for everyone in the car and he, being the damn good friend he is does so. When we meet at the club he hands me a big bag of all the goodies and wont accept my money.

Beater gets chicks too!

Isaac and I have been friends for a very long time, he is a great guy and he notices I look a bit worn out. I tell him its nothing a petite asian girl couln't cure and I laugh. Little did I know I had planted a seed, it's one of those things said in passing that somehow takes root and you barely remember saying it.

We go in Deja Vu and my buddy Dr X has a small VIP area staked out for taking photos. Papillon decides that this is both the time and the place and invites Dr X in to do the honors, photographically speaking. All I can say is Zupko, I can't thank you enough man.

As the evening progresses Jewn and I are shooting the breeze when two local peelers come over and treat us to a lap dance. Kayla Kiss and Melony Starr are way hot, and even though I bet he'd never admit it, Kayla said he definately had a woody.

A Rare photo of Jewn, or is it? At least we Know why Kayla Kiss is smiling!

The night wound down and we left, choosing a ride with Isaac. The girls had had enough of Bennigans so this time it was Taco Bell. They both ate like a couple of mexican farm workers who had been detained at INS for 2 days. But hey, it makes em happy Im all for it.

When we get back to the hotel we are congretgated in in a room with several porn chicks, and several guys and a pretty much full on orgy happening. Tim and I stand guarding the door, one guy is passed out beside the bed 2 others are watching the 4 girls playing with each other and another guy. A guy knocks on the door and wants in...I crack the door and see he is alone, I tell him no pussy no ride and close the door. he continues to knock, we ignore him. Finally Tim goes out to tell him to go away and he said that he was invited by the girl in the room and he flashes a badge. Tim asks if its personal or professional and the guy says he is a cop from New Jersey, Tim asks the girl who says ya let him in. At that point we all leave. Nothing against cops in particular but this guy was a loser and we had other rooms to play in.

No sooner are we in Tim and Felicias room than here comes hotel management asking us to settle down, seems they had booked regular guests on our floors, bad idea. after two more trips to tell us to settle down a guy comes up with a big security guard and tells us the people in the room below us were complaining. OOPS Very bad move, the people ( Layla Jade) in 419 were in the room with us, not likely they complained, sharp words ensued and Wild Bill had words of support for his fellow country man, or woman as the case may be.

Wild Bill is the only guy there in the group that I would actually fear, He is a helluva nice guy and a friend but one look and you know he isnt one to fuck with. He has a Pink mohawk and has the old school Soho punk thing down to a tee, and not because there is anything imitation about him. He is not a wannabe like Rob Rotten, he is the real deal and you know you could pick up a chair and hit him with it and it would only serve to amuse him specially if you broke a bone or something.

Finally the Mangement retreats and we are left alone and around 5AM we all break up and go to bed for the night...morning....whatever.

Tampa Show Part 6:

We wake up around 1130AM and get ready for the pool party. Celena had personal issues and left around 6AM leaving just Keli and I, When we met Donna and Aaron to ride over to the pool party (You didn't think the Wyndham Mordor...I mean Harbour Island would host such a thing did you?) Anyways every year Paul and Tracy open up their home to us all on Sunday and we go to the pool party and eat hot dogs and burgers and generally kick back.

Thats what we did, arriving around 1PM and saying hellos. There were a lot of people there that no one knew though. Seems the other magazine they publish Full Throttle was also invited as they have been in the past but unlike the past there were too many people there with cameras that nobody seemed to know and everytime a chick took her top off she was barraged with people taking her picture whether she liked it or not. Some girls took advantage of this others got angry, and justifiably so. Even as a photographer if I had been there posing girls that I had asked to take photos only to have a bunch of yahoos taking pictures on what is really my set I'd have gone off. Of course most of the girls who didn't want their pictures taken made it pretty well known that they weren't happy about it, as one not so bashful porn chick said "That's gonna make you walk funny" The guy stopped before snapping the photo and said why. She replied that if he took the picture she was going to stick the camera up his ass. He didn't test her resolve.

Keli, Tim and Adrian at the pool party

Around this time about 100 miles away at Disneyland there was a freak accident. Jewn had taken Jesse Jane to Disneyland for the day and since Jewn was going Aria went as well. This isn't to imply that Jewn was doing Aria, far from it, but I don't think that was by Aria's choosing.

Anyway Jewn was returnng from a nature call and he met Aria and Jesse in front of the building that serves as a restroom. As Jewn walks around a corner a small child is stalled there and Jewn had stop abruptly to keep from walking into the child. Aria couldn't stop in time, her head flew right up Jewns ass. Jesse tried a foot on Jewns back and a valiant pull but the momentum had lodged it too far in. The jaws of life were brought out to extricate the head of the pornchick and all were OK, So if y'all notice ole Jewn walkin a little funny, it wasn't the anal beads.

About this time I see my buddy Isaac coming up with his girlfriend and a petite asian with almond skin, long dark hair and a stunning figure. He introduces us, her name is Rachael. Oh My God.

We made small talk and I was suddenly remembering my comment from the previous night and I looked at Isaac in complete awe and not just a little appreciation. He understood and nodded. Just damn.

Rachael is 19, full blooded Korean, polite and soft spoken, educated and has no desire at all to be in porn. A lady from the Tampa Tribune comes up and asks me some questions and her photographer takes some photos. She enquires about whether or not people come from outside of Tampa to attend this show, people who aren't invited as pornstars. I tell her to talk to Beater who was standing close by. She goes up and asks him where he is from "Toronto" he answers, she asks his name and if he is a fan of adult entertainment. he says sure. She then asks him if he came to see anyone special, figuring he will name Devon or Jessie Jane or some other porn chick. He says "Yes, I came here to see Mike South" Right to the Tampa Tribune! Beater YOU are the BEST Brother!

Thats Rachael and I

The interviewer is taken back and we are all highly amused. I have no idea if that comment made the paper or not but if it didn't it should have.

My thoughts quickly return to Rachael, who is watching all of this with an almost childlike innocence. She doesn't pass any judgement and is very nice to everyone and everyone wants to know who she is. She just smiles real pretty and says I'm Rachael and leaves it at that.

I can't answer honestly for Rachael, even now, but I am already smitten. She acts as though she genuinely likes me and she has my full attention. The pool party is pretty uneventful, no fights, no real drama just a relatively pleasant day in the sun shooing away internet photographers like flies and talking about whatever comes up.

See what ya miss when ya miss porn pool parties, Theres enough silicone here to make Venice, Italy waterproof.

Around 4PM we decide to leave and we cop a ride with Isaac back to the Hotel. when we arrive we all decide that its a good time for sushi and theres a sushi place just down from the hotel, its probably pricey but fuck it, its convenient. Me, Rachael, Isaac, His girl Shannon, Tim, Felicia, Keli, Wild Bill and Layla Jade all go for sushi. We decide to sit outside on the deck and we all order. Personally I prefer sashimi...fuck the rice. I order Rachael a few hand rolls and edamame. almost everyone begins drinking at this point, nothing serious, wine and beer mostly. We have a dinner that is very much like the tales of feasts in hobbitown, its full of good cheer, happiness and fellowship. We are, in fact a fellowship of sorts. Its the kind of bonding that just happens and we know that for the length of that night, we are all on the same team, with any enemies being common enemies, but we expect no enemies, life is good we are all happy and we are all having fun, without even being overly rowdy.

As we leave the restaraunt and walk up the walkway to the hotel the hotel seems to become darker to me, it begins to cast an ominous shadow, I notice all the cameras situated around the hotel and it hits me hard how much it reminds me of the Eye of Sorrow in Mordor. The cameras being the Planetirs that allow the evil, dark lord frenchman to see all and to squash any attempts to bring joy into the dark hotel. As much as I try to cast it from my mind it sticks, it makes me want to take Rachael someplace else, but we are all facing this night together, that much has been subconsciously pre-ordained, Aaron, Donna, Kiki, Adrian, Lisa Sparks, Vandalia, and several others would soon join us in Tim and Fifis room. Just as 20 or so of us in the room begin to feel warm again and I start shaking the feeling that some impending evil is overseeing us, there comes a knock on the door. It seems to echo through the room, we all know this isn't one of us. The room falls silent as the door is opened and one of the Dark Lords Nazgul steps into the room. He wears a friendly face.

The night is about to change, we don't yet realize it but a serious electricity is in the air. It is the quiet before the storm.

Tampa Part 7:

This minion of the dark and evil frenchman we have all nickneamed "Frog" has come to us with a peace treaty, of sorts. It was early, not even 10PM and we were not making much noise at all so he wasn't responding to a specific complaint. He tells us that to head off complaints and other possible issues that the hotel has set aside an area for us on the balcony that overlooks the pool. He convinces several that this will be a good idea and because we are somewhat in a festive mood and we are all full, content and happy we agree to go down and relocate there. Vandalia grabs her inflateable sheep, Fifi brings her sword, Beater, ever the Canadian grabs the beer and we all follow the man who calls himself "The fat man at the front desk" to our special location for the evening. It is outdoors, it overlooks the pool but there is no access to the pool which they refuse to open for us. (This was a numbskull idea, the pool was far enough from the hotel so as not to disturb any guests and opening it up for us would have alleviated damn near every problem the hotel had with us BUT The Dark Lord Frog did not want any joy in HIS Hotel)

There were only a handfull of chairs, no tables, no ashtrays, no restrooms handy. It was hot, humid and there were bugs.

Tim Case looks at me and says "This will not turn out good, they are trying to make us uncomfortable so that we will tire of the discomfort and go to bed early. They have no idea how resilient porn people are."

Adrian Checks out the Sword, and Fifi starts a trend!

We drag in chairs from the nearby restaraunt, now closed. and we all begin to talk, getting rowdier and we begin to drink. there was beer and wine.

Before things got going good I noticed one of the portals for the Eye of Sorrow, a camera, on a remote pa,n tilt and zoom control. I take off my black shirt and throw it up over the evil thing. I said if you mother fuckers want to put a camera on me you fucking well better pay me. This was meet with applause, cheers and hell ya's from my compatriots.

It didn't take long for "Fat Guy at the front Desk" to Come down remove my shirt from the camera and when he looked at everyone looking at him he hesitated then made the wise decision to push the camera all the way around so that it couldn't face us and lock it in that position, showing us we were now off camera. But there was no doubt it my mind that they could hear us.

He said can I get you guys anything.

I said yes bring a big fucking air conditioner, it was cool and comfy in the room you just pulled us out of.

He didn't say anything. We were left alone for about 30 minutes. When Fifi decides she has to pee. The inflateable sheep had been placed center stage and we all sat around it in a big circle. Someone suggested that Fifi should give the sheep a golden shower. She did so and someone else said look she is peeing on Al-a-Baaaaa-ma, This became the sheeps official name.

Soon Keli also had to pee, and the sheep became the target. Fat man at the front desk made another appearance but it was either obvious to him that attempting to break us up would be a very dangerous thing to do or he became fascinated with watching porn girls pee on an inflateable farm animal named Al-a-Baaaaa-ma.

Kiki adds to the mix

We were getting louder, and many were getting more liberated by the alchohol. People began to look out their windows at us. We noticed a guy on the 10th foor taking photos, we began to call him evil names and Adrian lapsed into a Sam Kinison impression, and not for the last Time.

"JUMP! LOSER!"

It became great sport to taunt those that watched, waking up more and more of them to taunt.

It also became great sport to pee on Al-a-Baaaaa-ma. We were getting dangerously rowdy and we were still drinking.

So do Beater and Keli

After Al-a-Baaaaa-ma had been peed on no less than 15-20 times The Frog himself made an appearance, and when he did Wild Bill picked up the sword and assumed a combat stance. I knew this could get ugly really fast. I will say this for the Frog, he sensed that he did not have the one ring and that he did not have the power to control all. He fell silent and let fat man at the front desk do the talking. A desperate plea for us to calm down. Wild Bill stood his ground and his eyes never left the evil Frog. And the Frog eyes assessed the situation correctly and he retreated.

By this time even Rachael had become less than graceful on her feet, she was very intoxicated but not loud and rowdy, she sat by me and laughed and helped in encouraging the pee on the sheep ritual. By now it has become obvious to me that the sheep, Al-a-Baaaaa-ma, was deeply symbolic. The sheep represented the Wyndham Mordor and everything evil about it. We were telling them what we thought by urinating all over their balcony and the symbol of their repressive treatment. We were getting progressively louder and more and more people were joining in the ritual.

Many of you are probably wondering if I peed on Al-a-Baaaaa-ma. I didn't, but I likely would have if I could have. You see I have a shy bladder. I can fuck in front of 500 people no problem but I can't piss in a public restroom if anyone else is in it...Go Figure! So it wasn't going to happen, me peeing on the sheep. It is fortuneate that I don't drink. I was possibly the only completely sober person there.

Rachael had needed help to the restroom, twice before, this time she was being prodded to pee on the sheep, and to everyones surprise, she did. Even the outsiders had allied with us in our fight against the dark, evil frog.

The Hotel management just watched, there was little that they could do.

Layla Jade assumes the position to pee on Al-a-Baaaaa-ma, and Keli crawls up on all fours behind Al-a-Baaaaa-ma, I don't think anyone had any doubt what Keli wanted but everyone became speechless when it happened. Layla took aim and got Keli right in the face, then Layla walked up to Keli and began tongue kissing her and licking it off. It was a powerful moment, even for the intoxicated, all 20 or so of us were speechless and the management was either stunned into shock or simply ignoring it. Finally Isaac says "I LOVE THAT GIRL"

The Pictures Tell the story

From here it progressed to more drinking and peeing and Seymore Butts came down to announce that he was the guy on the 10th floor taking pictures, everyone howled, but even he was an interloper here.


Everyone Gets In on the Act


Al-a-baaaaa-ma has been thoroughly abused

It became obvious to me that Rachael was done, she is a happy drunk but it was to the point that she needed to be taken up to the room. I enlisted the help of Shannon and I carried Rachael to the elevator. Of all things, when the door opened there was a chair in the elevator...I sat Rachael in the chair and Shannon held her up. I punched 5 and the door closed.

As it did Rachael lifts her head, looks around and proclaims "This is a FUCKED up room"

Shannon and I were damn near in tears.

We get Rachael to my room and Undress her save for her black bra and panties and we put her in the bed, she looks at me desperately and says you aren't going to leave me alone are you? I said of course not and I tucked her in figuring I'd watch a little TV or something till she fell asleep and then Id join her. In case you are wondering as infatuated as I was I'd never even try anything with a drunk chick, I wanted Rachael to remember it, if it happened at all.

Just as everything was getting quiet I went to turn on the TV and there was a knock at the door. I opened it and Kiki was there with Adrian, who carried an unconscious Keli into the room.

I asked what was wrong. He said he had taken her to the restroom and that she had passed out, he caught her but she wouldnt come to. We put her on the bed. Rachael was now wide awake, we were talking loud trying to revive Keli. I checked her respiration and she was breathing, though shallowly. I grabbed the ice bucket and began rubbing ice behind her neck and had Kiki do the same to her wrists. I grabbed a garbage can just in time, she began heaving, we turned her on her side and kept her there. She was still completely unconscious. I am talking wet rag, dead weight. No response to questions, no movement, no nothing.

Then she began to convulse. Not heaving but real convulsions. At this point I picked up the phone, dialed "0" and requested an ambulance.

The emergency operator dispatched an ambulance and began asking me a lot of questions, how old was she , what had she been drinking, was she breathing, etc. I tried to stay calm. Rachael was now fully coherent, the adrenaline had sobered her up and she was helping us with Keli.

The fat man at the front desk arrived with oxygen and put the mask on her, and we waited for the EMTs.

The convulsions had been intermittent but the oxygen did seem to help. when she started to heave we removed the mask and kept her on her side.

Her eyes opened. She was coming back. Adrian was talking frantically, asking her if she knew where she was. "Tampa" was her reply. Who is That? he said pointing to me. "Mike South" she said. She also knew what day it was and why she was here. Then she drifted out of consciouness again but regained it soon. I asked her if she had taken anything, explaining how important it was for her to tell me the truth. "No" she said I just drank too much I think.

At this time the paramedics arrived with a stretcher.there were four or five of them with 3 cops.They wanted her ID. I gave it to them, Keli is 24 so I knew there was not going to be an issue there. The cop was casing my room, I knew he was looking for anything he could find to level some sort of charge, but he found nothing. I don't do any drugs at all, nor do Keli or Celena. Aside from photographic equipment, stripper heels, a barely dressed pornchick, a petite asian in her undies and a laptop the room was clean. The cop was visibly disappointed. The EMTs never touched Keli, they just witnessed as Adrian talked to her and she became more and more conscious, after about 20 minutes she proclaimed that she had to pee. The EMTs told her if she could make it to the bathroom and pee with Adrian just holding her to keep her from stumbling they wouldn't take her to the hospital, she did.

They left and Adrian and I put Keli to bed. She was embarrassed and crying hard now. I turned out the lights and got into bed with Rachael, who had just gone to brush her teeth and returned to bed as I cleaned the room and took the trash can to the hall. As I climbed into bed and pulled up the covers up, Rachael told me she had gotten so scared and that she was glad that I knew how to handle the situation, she touched my face and softly kissed me.

As Keli cried herself to sleep with Adrian trying to comfort her Rachael kissed me again, softly and deeply. It had meaning there was no doubt, and it settled me down. I drifted off to sleep with Keli sobbing and Rachael's head on my shoulder and my arm around her.

I woke early in the morning and I looked at Rachael, who had kicked off all the covers, laying beside me in the early morning light, I could only think, damn, look what I woke up with. I remembered the previous night and I drifted back to sleep before I could focus on anthing in particular or attach any real meaning to it.

Around 1130 There was a knock at the door, I got up and it was Tim. He wanted to know if everything was OK, I told him the story and assured him we were all fine. he said he had heard the story after the cops had come down to the terrace and pretty much busted up the party. He said he knocked on the door lighty when he came up but figured we were all asleep.

By now Rachael was up and so was Adrian, Keli was no longer asleep but wasn't feeling much like conversing. I asked was she OK and she assured me she was. I hugged her and told her how much she had scared me, she apologized and that was that. Kiki came down and rejoined with Adrian.

The night was over. Only one more night was left, but we all knew that whatever evil had fallen over that hotel it was now lifted. the rest of the show would be easy, whether our fellowship had accomplished it's unbeknownst quest is up to you to decide. It felt as though we had, but the battle was not without injuries, but there were no caualties, except maybe some innocense.

To Buy Commemorative Sheep Basting Memorabilia, Click here.

All items have been marked up only ONE Dollar and all profits will go to next years sheep basting bash, or whatever other craziness befalls us. One thing is for sure, If you show up at an industry function with any of these items, you will be immediately recognized and regarded as part of our fellowship, I can assure that If You ask Layla Jade, Felicia Fox, Kiki D'Aire, Myself or anyone else who was there to autograph it, you will be held in very high regard. It will be INSTANTLY recognized.

Tampa Part 8:

I trust you have all shown your support and ordered your Sheep memorabilia.

If not To Buy Commemorative Sheep Basting Memorabilia, Click here.

All say Monday is a free day for us, I took Jaybird to get a rental car and Rachael went to buy a dress and Keli hung at the pool. It was a quiet day, right up until time to go to the Awards Show at the club. We all got decked out i our best and headed to the show with Isaac. Rachael was just stunning, so was Keli and Layla and Fifi. We were all feeling carefree and life was good.

Tim and Pam in the Hallway

This show has been going on for over ten years and they have it down to a science, the show is well produced, the pace is quick and it's always a fun time.

Me and Sean Michaels & Layla Jade, Rachael & Keli

This year was no different. We were fed real food (Take note AVN), We had a VIP area that was just for us and we are treated well. Tim Case was the shows DJ and Ron Jeremy, Christi Lake and Sunset Thomas did hosting duties. The show moved along well and everyone had fun. The only incident was an obnoxious drunk guy who cut in front in the bathroom line, Sammy Sparks Hubby told him to go to the end and the guy suggested that maybe he should be made to go to the end of the line. Sammies hubby knocked his ass out cold with one punch.

Lucky me with Keli & Rachael

 

Fifi performed onstage, and did a killer job, so did Regan Anthony who also can be seen inside this site in her only boy/girl so far. Keli and I presented an award to the best club DJ and finally the national awards came up. To my surprise I won for Best Adult Industry Website! Rachael was proud and she and Jesse Jane both congratulated me with a kiss.

When the show was over we got together about 20 of us including the fellowhip and we went to....Where else Bennigans. It was a perfect ending to a cool ass night and a helluva weekend.

Rachael and I got back to the hotel around 3AM, I gave her a Tshirt and we fell asleep in each others arms. Keli decided to just stay up all night because she had a flight out at 6AM, Jaime took her to the airport. I woke up around 8AM with filtered sunlight coming through the white curtains, Rachael stirred beside me, The timing was finally right and my hands explored her perfect and soft skin. It happened. It wasn't porn sex or a performance, it was slow, soft take our time and explore each other sex. It was very nice, perfect even. It was our moment.

Final Words on Tampa:

First and foremost I want to thank the folks at Nightmoves Magazine for putting on the show and for having me every year. This is the MOST FUN SHOW of the year bar none. Paul and Tracy Allen are like family to me. Mike Moz and all the rest of the folks at Nightmoves are the best., yes even you Art. If you felt at anytime like I was in any way irritated with Nightmoves that wasn't ever the case. I know I speak for all of us on that one.

If you ever get the chance to attend This show, often called "The Tampa Show", is the shit! Its the most fun you will ever have at a show thats for sure.

Which Brings me to the Hotel. As I pointed out at the begining I suspected that they didn't know how to deal with us any better than we knew how to deal with them, and that much was certainly true. Had common sense prevailed and they simply opened the pool to us at night there would have been far fewer problems, far fewer, we simply needed a place to unwind and the pool was isolated from the hotel rooms. We wouldn't have disturbed anyone. Honestly I am not so sure we belonged there. I applaud the Nightmoves people for trying to put us in a nicer place and make the show even better but maybe porn people don't really belong on Harbour Island to begin with. Put us near food, strip clubs and a pool and we are happy.

To all my friends and all my new friends I made there I love the hell out of all of you, Jaime, Beater, Tim, Fifi, Dirty Bob, Jaybird, Kiki, Adrian, Vandalia, Lisa, Keli, Celena, Joone, Jesse, Moz, Paul, Tracy, Pops, Pam, Shannon, Wild Bill, Layla, Sammie, Mr Sparks, Jeff and anyone I may have unintentionally forgotten you guys fucking ROCK!

Tim and Felicia, you guys are my best friends, y'all are family!

Isaac, just damn brother, you hooked me up with Rachael and somehow you knew it would work. You always take care of me and you know you are family too man! You are the best

Adrian, Thanks so much for the help with Keli, you really came through on that one, you are a stand up guy and ya gotta heart to boot! I couldn't have handled that situation nearly as well without your help and common sense.

Papillon, we have become friends as a result of this show, we have been in touch and I intend to stay in touch. Odd as it may seem that I owe Zupko for this we both know theres a spark, whether he was in the picture or not. We just might have a date with destiny at some point.

Rachael, wow! what can I say, you know who I am and what I do and you accept me without any desire to change me. You were my unexpected highlight of the week. Very unexpected. I don't know you as much as I would like, at least not yet, maybe I never will the jury is out on that but you do make an impression. Thank you, you have no idea how much I needed you.

Trixie Kelly, I missed ya baby! You would have only made it all better!

And to all the good people in Tampa, Florida...You guys FUCKING ROCK!